Going for my buddy's ex girlfriend.

H

higherone

@highernone
My buddy broke up with his girlfriend a couple of months ago after dating for 2 years and being on and off for another half of a year. My buddy and I used to be real tight, but the past couple of years I probably have seen him six or seven times. He still calls me his best friend though, which brings me to my dilemma.
I Facebooked his ex girlfriend just to see what she's up to and how she's doing last week. We've been texting ever since, and went out on a date Tuesday and went running together yesterday. She's an amazing girl. Great job, intelligent, sexy, and a heart of gold. I think she's interested (she wouldn't have gone on the date or called me to run with her if she wasn't a little bit).
We talked about things and basically we don't want to hurt her ex but we want to see where this will lead, as "friends first". She doesn't want to be "that girl" and I don't blame her because people talk. The thing is my city isn't big and when you can find someone who has no kids and a good job, plus good looking, you have to jump on it. I need advice guys.
 
do what you fell is right bro, if you really like her then see what can happen , i with you on this one.
life's to short to see what may or may not have been. just make sure to realise that you may be giving up a friendship, but if you really do believe that you to might have something then dont be down about it , things happen!
 
Do the smart thing and call your buddy up and let him know that she might want to check you out. I would handle it this way: Ask him for your help. Ask him what to expect with her. Ask for his advice in dealing with her. You may learn something that will help you decide to avoid her. Or you may find that his issue with her is not one that matters to you and you both can agree that she might be okay for you to check out. Nothing like being straight forward and honest with your friends dude.
 
You are treading fine waters, depends on your sense of ethics and morals, personally I think 2 months is a bit early to make a move on your friends ex imho, however, technically speaking she is not in a relationship with him and is free to do as she pleases, if you do go ahead with this, I would be discrete simply because if you tell him and he says he doesn't approve, what will you do then? risk a friendship over 1 single girl, let alone your reputation where you live, I am assuming of course that its one of those towns where news travels fast?

Also, what is this BS about being 'friends first'? I don't know how experienced you are with women but getting out of the friend zone into the lover or bf/gf zone is almost impossible. I assume you weren't a pussy, and actually tried to fuck her on the first date? If you didn't, you have made a big mistake as she will be wondering why you didn't and chick logic dictates that if you dont make a move when you have the chance, you are either not interested or possibly gay (I am being serious here btw).

Please don't fall into the trap of falling for the usual crap that gets peddled as dating advice such as waiting 3 dates etc.

I'd also advise visiting the following website: http://www.fastseduction.com/discussion/

its the best dating and relationship advice board on the net, and participate in the community and post a thread about this situation, and you will receive real advice, not rubbish.
 
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Stay away friend, how would you feel if he did that to you? I know you would have a beating waiting on you if you did that to me, best friend or not. Regardless of how small of a town it is, believe me, there are plenty of other women around who are not your friends' exes. I won't have anything to do with any girl who has had any type of relations with any of my friends, it's an easy rule to follow and it makes life a lot easier. I see that most others don't feel the same way I do, but that's what I would do, take it or leave it. Good luck.

Dford
 
I would do it but remember woman LOOOOOVE drama. She will tell him at some point.

But it matters if they were a real couple or close fuck buddies. I see it all the time. Couples who fight damn near every time there together and pretend they are madly in love. And the other half the time they always are saying "I dont even know why im dating him/her". I got a buddy and I always told him when him and his girl break I will fuck her. They fought/argue all the time, she would flirt with me, She was sexy as fuck, and He thought I was always joking but I was dead serious when I would say that. It make me sick to see people fake loving each other.

But ever once in a blue moon two people meet who really dig each other. If they were like that dont do it but if their like the people above I was talking about do it.
 
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move to another city! expand your territory! Alot has already been said in this thread that are good advice. Look it all up to you, if you really want to pursue this tell your buddy first. If he finds out from her that you guys are dating he will be more pissed and hurt about the fact that you didn't bring it up to him as he considers you his best friend. Other than that I've always played the buddies ex gf are off limits unless you and your buddy have a fall out and don't plan on speaking to him ever again
 
My advice is simple, stay away from this girl. You know your mate allot longer and good friends my man are HARD to find and you don't really know this girl. It isn't love, just lust and lust is easily obtained and than can be used in a 1NS anywhere at some nightclub. I think he would be little upset if you went with her, and even if it doesn't show or he says no problem mate it is a problem as no guy will admit it, not many anyway. So if you and her were an item, its one of those things that causes tension between you and the friend.

What I reckon deep down is this girl is manipulative, devious but intelligent and she will just go with you perhaps to get back at him plus his name would come up in conversation at some point and hey what happens about the whole cock issue and sex issue stuff? she will be comparing you both in bed, some fucked up sluts do this, now you can easily rise above that, no problems but who the hell wants all the bullshit from some immature girl? that is if she's like that but my point is the trouble aint worth it ... STAY THE FUCK AWAY and be friends, be very cool with her and even sink her ship and blow her out the water, so she knows YOUR A REAL MAN who wont bow down and kiss her shiny ass like the other guys do, this is what I do with even the most hot women if I have stuff going on in my life, because I'm an individual and we as men are worth more than that, being a mere toy to the women of today.
 
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If he broke it off, go for it, he had his chance. He's got no claim on her. You didn't pursue her while they were together and you didn't break them up. Also, if you all live in a small town and you only see him 6 or 7 TIMES A YEAR you two likely aren't that close anymore. Follow your heart, do what makes YOU happy and don't worry about what other people think. You don't live for them you live for YOU. If he's even a halfway decent friend he'll be happy for you cuz you're happy.
 
If he is a friend leave the girl be, it will cost you a friend regardless of how he says he feels about her.
 
The thing is I really don't consider him a friend, more like a drinking buddy. He has very few friends due to being an obnoxious drunk when he is out at the bars. Because of the reputation I was getting from association I backed off from hanging out with him. She is the kind of girl you marry, seriously.
 
Sounds like you're mind was made up before you asked.... I don't think you should do it, but not because you might loose a friend, or hard feelings, etc. I think you should not do it because you wouldn't want someone to do it to you. Let's us know how it goes.

Dford
 
Lots of good input and at the end of the day you have to do what feels right for YOU, just listen to others here and decide yourself. This friend you now mention, is a drinking buddy and has a reputation for it in the bars which would indicate to me you would need to be on your guard around the bars should he be pissed and try to crack you one.

If shes worth it, only you will know mate than go for it ... as one guy said its your happiness and your life, that is correct and although I don't agree with dating mates birds, you have to go with your heart and if she is a diamond than they are fucking rare indeed my man! Especially here in the west with the amount of brainwashed shit they have in their minds nowadays, just be aware and warned about possible consequences from the guy, especially if he's a piss head. I would get a book out from the library on Krav Maga or Kyoshu-Jitsu, pressure point fighting and if he does attack you or you feel he will than just take him out with quick precision .. doesn't matter how big they are, the nervous system waits for no one. Not trying to scare you but in this world be prepared for folk to knife you in the back when you decide to move on in life or do well for yourself.

I hope it works out well and you both are happy and your mate just accepts it and you know what? every chance he will and just be fine with it.
 
Dating someone's ex isn't doing anything TO HIM. Fucking a buddy's girl IS. That's not the case here. If the guy was a close friend that you hang with all the time then I could see having some reservations about dating his ex, but he's not, sooo... If you end up dating her and he acts like a douche nozzle about it then to hell with him. Since you only see him a couple times a year I wouldn't worry too much about it. She is NOT HIS! Chances are he already has a new girl. Since guys can be lizard-brains you might wanna listen to RED and at least steer clear of him for awhile. Honestly, though, your life and her life are absolutely none of this guy's business.
 
A drinking buddy might be quick to hit when intoxicated:)
 
newbie09;375918 said:
Wtf? Where did my post go that told him not to risc a friendship for a girl?
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Maybe got lost in the crash we had this morning.
 
higherone;375868 said:
The thing is I really don't consider him a friend, more like a drinking buddy. He has very few friends due to being an obnoxious drunk when he is out at the bars. Because of the reputation I was getting from association I backed off from hanging out with him. She is the kind of girl you marry, seriously.
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If that is true then what was she doing going with the jerk ? Is she a bad judge of character ? Or does she like bad boys ?

If he has changed and turned into some kind of a-hole then oh well, you will have to choose between 4 things,

1. it works out with this girl and you might end up losing this "friendship" with your bro
2. it does not work out and you lose your bro and your girl
3. It works out and they are not really broken up or this girl might like drama, and fuck him behind your back, eventually.
4. Your bro is all for it and you 3 live happily ever after...... maybe.......

Any info you get from your buddy will be slanted so the only way you will really ever know is if you date her and find out for your self.

Just because they might be broken up does not mean they are "over" each other. Many times absence makes the heart grow fonder and your bro might get sellers remorse, or she might develop a case of I don't know who I love better, thus causing you two to go to war over her, some women love that shit. Makeup sex is pretty good stuff. I knew couples that would fight just for the makeup sex. Personally I just don't like the drama.

Good luck, keep us posted.
 
student707;375964 said:
If that is true then what was she doing going with the jerk ? Is she a bad judge of character ? Or does she like bad boys ?

If he has changed and turned into some kind of a-hole then oh well, you will have to choose between 4 things,

1. it works out with this girl and you might end up losing this "friendship" with your bro
2. it does not work out and you lose your bro and your girl
3. It works out and they are not really broken up or this girl might like drama, and fuck him behind your back, eventually.
4. Your bro is all for it and you 3 live happily ever after...... maybe.......

Any info you get from your buddy will be slanted so the only way you will really ever know is if you date her and find out for your self.

Just because they might be broken up does not mean they are "over" each other. Many times absence makes the heart grow fonder and your bro might get sellers remorse, or she might develop a case of I don't know who I love better, thus causing you two to go to war over her, some women love that shit. Makeup sex is pretty good stuff. I knew couples that would fight just for the makeup sex. Personally I just don't like the drama.

Good luck, keep us posted.
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Thats really good information, didn't think about it like that.
 
agree with the post above. also even though you and this guy aren't the best of friends how do you two know each other. if he friends with your close buddies and you two happen to meet through them. If so he will make you seem like a back staber and all your current friends will lose some trust they have for you. And make shore she doesn't think she is the master of a puppet show. Meaning she isn't playing you cause forbidden fruit taste much sweeter and she may only be attracted to you cause she knew you two couldn't ever do anything before cause she was with your buddy. And just from my point of view I know people change over time or some people make bad choices but if I can't understand why a chick would like or date the guy she was with before me it is a total buzzkill for my attaction towards her.
 
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I say go wit it bro... my current GF use ta b my friends ex but he was over her and he gave me tha go ahead and were happy (most of tha time) ha... I don't think guys really trip like women when dating a ex.
 
I had a death in my family this week and this girl is amazing. She made homemade meatballs and homemade sauce with rigatoni for my family. That's what I mean when I say she is a quality woman. Things are going very slow because I've been dealing with my grandma's illness and death, but she's not going anywhere.
 
Pretty fucking simple dude.....if you just broke up with some chick who you loved and you were with for years, then your friend started fucking her how would you feel????
If this was a me, and my boy tried for my ex, I would crack his fucking head open!!!! Respect between friends forms brotherhood, I don't think any girl is worth fucking up a long term friendship ESPenis EnlargementCIALLY when this dude calls you his "BEST FRIEND" unless you just want to fight him, lose a friend, and prove how wrong this guy is for thinking you were his best friend, then I say go for it......hope she's worth it......
 
Anything without a penis has psychological issues. A hear that if you have a vagina you are 5 chromosomes short of being a human.
 
Girth Hammer;376062 said:
And just from my point of view I know people change over time or some people make bad choices but if I can't understand why a chick would like or date the guy she was with before me it is a total buzzkill for my attaction towards her.
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I agree with that, I can't help but to judge a girl based upon who she dated before me, I know people do change, but I think that speaks volumes about a person and what standards they set for themselves. I think it's important that two people are on the same page, when I see what a douche a girl's ex is, I lose a lot of attraction because I see that she holds herself to a much lower standard than I do. However, I don't know what would be worse, to know her ex was a douche, or know he was the greatest guy ever.

Dford
 
Lotta good advice here I gotta say.

One thing I didn't notice mentioned is the question on whether or not you might simply be "the rebound guy".
Y'know; just the first good guy she latches onto after a really sucky relationship.
The guy who she relies on for emotional support to see her through a rough transitional phase....
the guy who she then also moves on from because he's just a little too closely associated with the situation she's wishing to leave behind.

Yeah, that guy.

You might be, you might not be; only she would know that....and she probably won't ever really know that; women being women, and all.

Relationships are rough sometimes, on everybody concerned, and life itself is about making decisions- some good, some bad - and hopefully learning from 'em.
In the end the decision is yours alone to make, hopefully, though, we've given you at least some good points to ponder.

Either way around it, whatever happens; maintain your composure and, all the best to ya.
 
UPDATE: It didn't work out. My buddy is pissed at me but we still talk on occasion like we did before she and I started talking. Our mutual friends surprisingly have been loyal to me and said not to worry about it, that they don't blame me for taking a stab at it.
 
higherone;390442 said:
UPDATE: It didn't work out. My buddy is pissed at me but we still talk on occasion like we did before she and I started talking. Our mutual friends surprisingly have been loyal to me and said not to worry about it, that they don't blame me for taking a stab at it.
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That's kind of messed up though. I'd never sleep with my friend's girlfriend..............................................Unless she's hot. If she's butt-ugly, I ain't touchin'.
 
REDZULU2003;377573 said:
I understand what you mean entirely, I've been THAT guy myself on two occasions.
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Brings on quite a set of mixed emotions, don't it?
On one hand you feel better about yourself as a human being for the helping hand you've extended...
On the other hand, depending on the sheer amount of emotional turmoil you've suffered, you can wind up feeling skinned, gutted and drained.

Ahhhh....the things we do for love...
 
There are too many women in the world to go after a girl that your friend dated for so long. I know its easier to become attracted to someone that you've been exposed to many times, but you were exposed to her because of your friend. Just being real with you, you're breaking the man code for going after his girl. Girls do things like that. Men aren't supposed to. Loyalty is hard to find in this world. Stay loyal to your boys.
 
Forget her bro, a piece of pussy might last a few days, weeks or months but a true friendship should last forever, so don't fuck up your friendship over a piece of ass.
 
You also need to consider the psychological underlying reason for this acquisition...Are you sure you don't want her just for the challenge? Sometimes we do things that are completely ego based and we may end up with something we never wanted to begin with.
 
The "Law of Unintended Consequenses" rears its ugly head once again.


doublelongdaddy;390707 said:
You also need to consider the psychological underlying reason for this acquisition...Are you sure you don't want her just for the challenge? Sometimes we do things that are completely ego based and we may end up with something we never wanted to begin with.
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Who gives a fuck. Is it just me? Fuck your faggot friend you've seen a few times in the past few years. Pussy is worth it. And I know the majority of you faggots disagree, but I say fuck the shitout of her without remorse. It's worth whatever faggot friendship you might've had. I guarantee you he would've done the same. The point is, having your dick inside her mouth is worth it. JUDGE IF YOU WANT, FUCKERS, BUT YOU KNOW THE TRUTH. FUCK YOURSELVES, WITH YOUR SUPPOSED FEELING OF SUPenis EnlargementRIORITY
 
massivevageman;390720 said:
who gives a fuck. Is it just me? Fuck your faggot friend you've seen a few times in the past few years. Pussy is worth it. And i know the majority of you faggots disagree, but i say fuck the shitout of her without remorse. It's worth whatever faggot friendship you might've had. I guarantee you he would've done the same. The point is, having your dick inside her mouth is worth it. Judge if you want, fuckers, but you know the truth. Fuck yourselves, with your supposed feeling of superiority
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hahaha
 
doublelongdaddy;377089 said:
Anything without a penis has psychological issues. A hear that if you have a vagina you are 5 chromosomes short of being a human.
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Just saw this, hahahahahahah. So true!
 
Seriously man, that's some low stuff even if your so called,"buddy," is an arsehole. I wouldn't ever do that to my friend's girl no matter how hot she is. If she's a dime-piece or the face of a grandmother I still wouldn't do that. Karma don't play.
 
I don't even need to read this. The answer is simple: NO

There is such a thing is moral conduct. I believe in what my buddies and I call The Code. The Code is very strict on banging a buddies ex. You just don't do it.

Some girls are real tramps. (not all girls) I can't tell you how many of them have broken up with me and then dated a guy I know, or how many have broken up with a friend and then dated me. Dated... They showed up for a banging and then moved on. The only thing I do know is that my good friends didn't do it, and when I realized i'd rather keep an old friend than fuck some girl who would be onto the next guy, I stopped doing it.
 
AdmiralLongDong;509067 said:
I don't even need to read this. The answer is simple: NO
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Straight forward and accurate.
 
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