Got a dilemna (women)

S

stillwantmore

Guest
Just wanted to get a little feedback from some of the other guys who might have been through a similar situation. Here's the deal. I'm currently seeing a girl that's basically the package. She's got all the qualities I could possibly want. Got a great personality, she's pretty, got a lot in common with her, we "click" really well. The only thing is, she's not totally my type body wise. She's about 30lbs overweight. Other than the body weight issue, I like everything else about her so far. Been seeing her for about a month. What's a guy to do? I've come to a point in my life where I pretty much dont settle anymore for less than what I want. I really like this girl, but her weight is really starting to bug me. I sat and thought about it last night. What if the relationship keeps going well, and she either stays at her current weight, or worse yet...we're married a few years from now, she has a kid, blows up even more and stays fat? I'm pretty torn here on what to do. Approach her about this stuff? Kill a potentially great relationship because I'm not totally happy? I've been through mildly similar situations with relationships before but there was never the kind of connection I feel like I have with this girl. What makes it worse is I'm friends with another girl who IS my type body wise: petite body, nice ass, perky tits, nice legs, etc. and we're starting to hit it off, and there could be potential for a relationship with her as well. I dont NEED a woman in my life like some guys do in order to survive, but I'd hate to trash the one relationship in hopes of the other one working out and be totally left in the cold so to speak if neither one worked out.
 
Just ask yourself these questions. Do you enjoy spending time with her? Despite her body does she have everything you would look for in a women? Are the 2 other questions more important to you then a little extra padding? Do what feels right man and if you can't get over her weight that's your deal but when I click with a girl looks don't matter to me it's about the connection.
 
But still, if you arn't satisfyed with her look, it will cause a problem in you're relationship at one time or the other. I'm going to be very honest about it even if it is discrimanating. If you don't feel physicaly atracted to bigger girls (and I'm not talking about the super bangers) she will notice it at some point of you're relationship and that wil make her misrable.

There's a good way of testing you're state of conshance, you'st take her out with you and you're mates. If you have any doubts or feel uneasy because of her that evening, then don't start a relashenship, it won't work out. If all goes well and you got a great feeling at the end of the evening, then give it a try with her.

But still, reading you're words about how you envy that other girl with the great looks... In my oppinion you shouldn't take a dicision on the behalf of feer of loosing both and beeing alone. That may only cause you to question you're self one day, what if i would of taken the chance back then? Don't get me wrong, I'm not some jerkass who would only fuck thin girls. I my self prefer girls with a bit of padding on their bones ;)

I'm saying this because looks do play a big roll in relationships. I had a 4 1/2 year relationship and do you know what one big point for our breakup was? I lost 80 pounds of wait and i noticed (even if she didn't say it in my face) that she prefered my looks more when i was fatter. It maid me misrable and depressed me. It realy hurts if you notice that the one you love would prefer you to look different.

Anyway, If you can't feel what I'm saying just take this advice:
Don't go with the bigger girl because of the fear of the chance of loosing both. Even if she has a perfect personality. If you're body envys the other girl with the nicer body then take the chance and go for her. And if both don't work out, well then thats bad luck and you should look for a girl with a nice personality and a body that applys to you. Or what would you think if the girl you love would say: I love you but i don't realy like you're body?
All I'm trying to say is try and find a balance between you're body and you're heart. If both arn't on the same level you will have a problem one day in you're relationship.

I know my Post sounds a bit... well not nice at some parts, but thats just how I think, feel and have felt.
I realy wish you all the best and I hope you find you're luck :) , whatever decision you make.

Regards,
Hopful
 
Last edited:
hopful said:
But still, if you arn't satisfyed with her look, it will cause a problem in you're relationship at one time or the other. I'm going to be very honest about it even if it is discrimanating. If you don't feel physicaly atracted to bigger girls (and I'm not talking about the super bangers) she will notice it at some point of you're relationship and that wil make her misrable.

There's a good way of testing you're state of conshance, you'st take her out with you and you're mates. If you have any doubts or feel uneasy because of her that evening, then don't start a relashenship, it won't work out. If all goes well and you got a great feeling at the end of the evening, then give it a try with her.

But still, reading you're words about how you envy that other girl with the great looks... In my oppinion you shouldn't take a dicision on the behalf of feer of loosing both and beeing alone. That may only cause you to question you're self one day, what if i would of taken the chance back then? Don't get me wrong, I'm not some jerkass who would only fuck thin girls. I my self prefer girls with a bit of padding on their bones ;)

I'm saying this because looks do play a big roll in relationships. I had a 4 1/2 year relationship and do you know what one big point for our breakup was? I lost 80 pounds of wait and i noticed (even if she didn't say it in my face) that she prefered my looks more when i was fatter. It maid me misrable and depressed me. It realy hurts if you notice that the one you love would prefer you to look different.

Anyway, If you can't feel what I'm saying just take this advice:
Don't go with the bigger girl because of the fear of the chance of loosing both. Even if she has a perfect personality. If you're body envys the other girl with the nicer body then take the chance and go for her. And if both don't work out, well then thats bad luck and you should look for a girl with a nice personality and a body that applys to you. Or what would you think if the girl you love would say: I love you but i don't realy like you're body?
All I'm trying to say is try and find a balance between you're body and you're heart. If both arn't on the same level you will have a problem one day in you're relationship.

I know my Post sounds a bit... well not nice at some parts, but thats just how I think, feel and have felt.
I realy wish you all the best and I hope you find you're luck :) , whatever decision you make.

Regards,
Hopful
Click to expand...

I really appreciate the feedback so far guys. I've been thinking more about all of this and I am in fact going to discuss my feelings with the heavier girl within the next day or so. "Ms. Petite" came over last night with a couple friends (nice surprise), and the friends ended up leaving, and she hung out at my place for several hours. We watched a couple movies, chatted, and did some totally innocent cuddling. I then took her home, and she hugged me before getting out of my car. I know some guys would probably 'kill' to have my 'problems', but sometimes it's hard making decisions, and feeling like you know what the right things to do are.
 
Hey still, I definetly feel you in regards to your plight. It is in no way shallow to place alot of importance on your potential mate's appearence. After all what is attraction all about? EVERYTHING that grabs your attention and maintains it. There are many women who hate to be judged by their weight, but lets all be adults about this. Most heavy girls (very few have the whole legitimate "glandular" issue) are heavy heavy because they choose to be. It's too much work for them both mentally and physically to be fit. That says a whole hell of alot about somebody: poor self image, lack of self respect, little or no self dicipline, lack of maturity, no desire for self improvement, the list goes on and on. There was a period in my marriage where all this became an issue for me. My wife had put on alot of weight and despite her constant proclaims of losing it, the weight remained. She knows I hold high standards for both of us in our relationship. She had made a conscious decision to choose the easy and lazy way out. I wasn't having that. Does that make me an asshole? Does that make me shallow? Fuck no. I have enough self respect to know what I want in this life and I refuse to settle for anything less. Does this mean I would leave my wife over the issue? Think about that for a moment. If she she chose to stay overweight that would make her not only selfish but unwilling to provide for my needs and desires in our relationship. Why as a rational and mature adult would I want those qualities in a wife? If the mate you choose in this life truly cares and loves you then they will do anything within reason to show you as much. If they don't then that pretty much speaks for itself. If you truly have feelings for this woman, and it sure sounds like you do, then just put this all out there. If she is half the catch she sounds like, she will be receptive. My two cents and a couple nickels.
 
I don't belive you will get together with a woman with the frase: Hey babe, you've got the personality of an angel but the looks of a sausage. Could you loose 40 Pounds so i can hook up with ya? ;)

I don't wanna destroy ilusions here but trying to start a relationship that way won't work. It's hard enough to tell somebody who loves you that he or she could do losing some weight but telling that to someone who you (hardly) know will cause with 99% asurance a bad reaction. Belive me, I was Fat. You hear nearly every day at some time frome someone that you need to lose weight. It realy fucking kills you mentaly. I mean you know that you are fat and ugly, there's no need for others to tell you that! I mean it realy fucking hurts.

If you find a girl who is willing to lose weight for you because you say YOU will chose her if she does,then you can dump her at the spot because belive me she ain't got no personality.
You might as well smake her in the face...it's about the same as telling her that.

Sorry buts it's true.
 
Still, I think that as long as you are honest you can't go far wrong. Tell her how you feel.

Look at it this way. You've put x amount of hours into getting your penis bigger for your partner and probably a lot of time into your appearance in general. It is only right that you can be with someone that puts the same amount of effort into themselves.

If you tell her how you feel and discuss it although it may be difficult then you have done the right thing no matter what her reaction is. It's not easy but if you are thinking of settling down with this girl then this could be a problem in the future if you don't deal with it.

It's a difficult situation and I feel for you. Hope this turns out well. Keep us posted.
 
Stilly,
You really click, you really like her, you "connect". Well you need to do something about it!
start by taking her for walks, eating lots of salads,drinking lots of water, buy her a bike to go biking when you go. Believe me, if she's into you, she will get physical if that's your life style. Make it her life style and you will see those pounds drop if that's what you want...
 
hopful said:
I don't belive you will get together with a woman with the frase: Hey babe, you've got the personality of an angel but the looks of a sausage. Could you loose 40 Pounds so i can hook up with ya? ;)

I don't wanna destroy ilusions here but trying to start a relationship that way won't work. It's hard enough to tell somebody who loves you that he or she could do losing some weight but telling that to someone who you (hardly) know will cause with 99% asurance a bad reaction. Belive me, I was Fat. You hear nearly every day at some time frome someone that you need to lose weight. It realy fucking kills you mentaly. I mean you know that you are fat and ugly, there's no need for others to tell you that! I mean it realy fucking hurts.

If you find a girl who is willing to lose weight for you because you say YOU will chose her if she does,then you can dump her at the spot because belive me she ain't got no personality.
You might as well smake her in the face...it's about the same as telling her that.

Sorry buts it's true.
Click to expand...

In my post I was in no way suggesting that still be blunt and rude in relating all this to his possible relationship interest. I simply was suggesting that he not sell himself short while at the same time finding a way to start an open dialogue with this woman. I've always been successful in my communication with the opposite sex. If there is one thing they appreciate and value it's being open and honest.
 
Have you seen any past pics of her? Did she recently put this weight on? If she is athletic I'm sure she could lose the weight as well.
 
She is into working out. Goes to the gym a few times a week for cardio. I think there's potential that she could get in better shape. She's lost weight the last few weeks in fact according to what she's said. I dunno, I think I'm going to keep at it with her, and find a way to eventually bring up her weight in a way that shows I care and want to help her. It's just like with most people who are overweight, it's more her eating habits than anything.
 
i say both go to the gym together and get into better shape. can't always be too much into shape.
 
I was going to suggest what sam said. If you would like her to tone up, get her in the weight room to 'spot' you. Then be like, 'I would like to see what you can do...' You guys could start a friendly competition that will motivate both of you to hit the gym hard.

What is this chick's lifestyle like? Does she have a stressful job, has she had healthy past relationships, does she keep a clean house??? This kind of stuff can give you a little more insight into how she takes care of herself.
 
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