Strategies for letting go....

[jqsderrida]

So, how is it, and I know that a number of the members of this board have accumulated some experience with this, that one GETS OVER a relationship (although it has been a very unsatisfying one) that has been the cornerstone of one's life for years. I believe I need a little help with this; when one does make the choice to end a fruitless relationship and move on, how does one ACTUALLY DO IT AND EMOTIONALLY SURVIVE? I hope this makes sense....

 

[spinner2]

Start new relationships with multiple girls at once.

 

[jqsderrida]

I'm being serious.

 

[10inchadvantage]

My gf and I broke up this past week J. I think we should PM each other about it. I talked with my gf earlier about a problem I was having with one of my family members, but she "politely" told me she didn't care and that I should seek mental help. It wasn't that bad getting over her but she is still trying to play games. For example, the other day she called me telling me she was going to fly down to see me, she missed me, thinks there is "still a chance", etc. She also told me that she wants to have sex with me when we get back to school, but ONLY when she wants it (as if guys want it all the time with any old girl), and it has to be "on the low." I should've told her to go fuck herself, she has two fingers. However, I haven't stooped that low. I want to try and be as nice as I can be about stuff. I told her, after her saying "we might still be able to get together", plain and simply, "No, we're not going to get back together."

It'll be hard for you if it has been for years. I've been together with her for a school year. I was in a perpetual almost-crying state for a day or two, but then it passed. Honestly I can't believe she is playing these games. I'm not going to have any of it. I have been quite mad with her lately. But, I guess this is just women. They all must play games.

"If girls didn't have tits and a pussy, I wouldn't talk with them."

 

[jqsderrida]

I just sent you a PM. Hopefully you will get it.

 

[Pandora]

One of the best ways is to get somebody else and fast, it will hurt way more when you don't, because that is when you start to really miss them.

 

[10inchadvantage]

One of the best ways is to get somebody else and fast, it will hurt way more when you don't, because that is when you start to really miss them.

I would think this would be bad in the long run. Also isn't it wrong to throw your emotional problems on a rebound date?

 

[Pandora]

I would think this would be bad in the long run. Also isn't it wrong to throw your emotional problems on a rebound date?

Explain why this is bad in the long run, I don't see the problem in falling in love with someone else, cause trust me it's gonna hurt a whole lot more if you both don't find somebody else.

It's not a must, it just will make things easier, it's a strategy, like what was ask for. I know it's harder to do than to say.

 

[Threak-X]

One of the best ways is to get somebody else and fast, it will hurt way more when you don't, because that is when you start to really miss them.

I would think this would be bad in the long run. Also isn't it wrong to throw your emotional problems on a rebound date?

Explain why this is bad in the long run, I don't see the problem in falling in love with someone else, cause trust me it's gonna hurt a whole lot more if you both don't find somebody else. It's not a must, it just will make things easier, it's a strategy, like what was ask for. I know it's harder to do than to say.

It's called BAGGAGE and we all have it and bring it into relationships. You need to have closure on past experiences before you can start a new relationship with the things more in your favor. More than likely you will not be ready to get into another relationship until you heal the wounds of your past. You need a fresh clean heart, mind, expectancy and attitude coming into a new relationship.

Grief is a process we have to go through, not a place in which to wallow our lost. You need to take things one step at a time, and each little step is part of your healing process. Never invest more than you can afford to lose by putting so much out there that you'll be emotionally bankrupt from it.

 

[Girthius]

Personally I have had experience in this, and yes it is very difficult!What I did was collect all the things that belong to her and post them back to her(don't do it in person!).Box up all items that were given to you, from her!You can either keep them as memories,send them back to her, or distroy them when your ready....sort of a ceromonial release from her.....I distroyed mine.....LOL!

Next you will have to block her email address, then change your phone number, and also get a new mobile if need be.......I did all these....lol!I also moved house..so she will never discover where I'm at now!

Most important is to not get into a rebound relationship........it is healing time for you.....you have many issues to deal with.....within.Your probably going to go through a reshuffle in your mind..also you will have to rediscover who you are...this is the time to do so!It would not be fair for you or someone new, to have to deal with the fallout now.......so my advise is to close the door on the old relationship first, then get sorted within.....then when the time is right.....and you will know when that time comes.........get out and meet someone new, and be able to give them 100% as they deserve!Good luck J!

 

[stridge]

I've always found that the best way to deal with things is to simply move on mentally - I know, easier said than done, but I just approach it as making the decision and then sticking with it. It always feels like a huge deal at the time, but it's amazing how some space and a few weeks can wipe the slate clean. A large percentage of the attachment of a relationship of any length is the familiarity and routine of interacting with the other person, but this doesn't take long to let go of. The emotional aspect is mroe difficult, but again, sometimes the spearation can give you a fresh perspective on the person and you do realize that you're better off without them.

If you allow things to get 'dramatic,' as they say, with repeated contact, emails, whatever, then it will all just take longer and frankly the odds are that you won't find your relations with that person to be improved by this sort of thing. Whenever I've allowed this to happen its eventually just become an annoyance and dragged out the inevitible. Plus, if yo have some psuedo-girlfriend hanging around and calling, it can be a real bitch when you meet somebody new that interests you.

Everybody has a different strategy for getting their mind off things when a relationship first ends. If I'm feeling bad about something, I usually just focus on work or a project and it seems to really help. Other guys I know do hit the rebound circuit and swear by just fucking a few random women to clear thier heads, although I never really understood why this was such a great option - it seems more like some sort of juvenile revenge thing, but I try not to judge. I know somebody else that like to take a vacation or travel somewhere new. Exercise and fitness is another thing that's a healthy and convenient time filler if you need some distractions.

So, I suppose my advice is to make the break clean and be confident in your decision, and then find something that you enjoy or keeps you busy if you find yourself having a hard time. Best of luck.

 

[alwaystrying]

OK guys I think I am somewhat of an expert on such topics. Here's what ya gotta remember, you're just dealing with another person, never let them have control of you even though you're sad, and I mean *NEVER*!! Also, moving on mentally and doing whatever the hell you want, getting out there to meet new people is what it's about, seriously. You don't have to find a replacement right away, in fact I don't recommend that, but getting out there and clearing your mind, hangin with the boys, picking up a killer hobby, you'll be good as new in no time.....take it from me.