If men wrote advise columns

prince Albert said:

Q. My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A. Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him it totally selfless. This shows how much he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q. My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A. You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to men is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should. He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cooking him a nice meal.

Q. My husband has too many nights out with the boys.

A. This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two. It's a great time to clean the house, too! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he returns home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q. My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A. Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with is, do it on your own time and ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q. My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A. I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal

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harmonic169 said:

~Sigh~ The sad thing is that while that's hilarious, it's kind of an accurate mirror of women's advice columns.

Q. My man won't preform oral sex on me, what can I do?

A. If your man doesn't care enough about you to go down on you, then he's not good enough to be with you. Tell him that if it's more important to him NOT to do this for you than to be with you, he can live with his best friend and cook his own nice meals.

I think we should make this a continuous list, just keep adding to it. I'll take on my two cents.

Q. Every time I ask my husband to do a chore around the house he says he's too tired, what can I do?

A. This is very common, it's call desensitization. See, after being asked several hundred times a day "When are you going to paint the porch?" the man begins to consider it background noise, much like birds chirping or cats in heat. As a result he will more often than not either ignore it, or if it continues, investidate the situation looking for the source of the sound. The best thing you can do is to stop asking him for a period of time, preferable in preportion to the number of times you asked him: If you asked him once, don't ask him again for several weeks, twice, months, three times, years, etc. One other fast method is bribery, such as oral sex and a nice meal.

Q. My husband always wants to have sex when I'm not in the mood!

A. Ah yes, the solution to this one is quite simple. You see men can sense when a woman is ovulating, which is also when her estrogen level is at it's highest, and therefore her testosterone level is at it's lowest, meaning lowered sex drive. There are three possible solutions for this. First, invite your best friend or sister over, this will relieve the sexual tension by means of social coitus. The second option is to have your best friend or sister preform oral sex on you, this will inevitably stimulate you to the point of needing to have sex. Thirdly you can easily diffuse the situation by simply providing your man with oral sex, then making him a nice meal.

Q. My husband won't let me drive his car.

A. No, of course not. That goes without saying.

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penguinsfan said:

It's just humor folks.

Most humor of this nature is based on an exaggeration of a stereotype. Men and women do tend to act differently and show different characteristics, and things like this just take it to the extreme so everyone can get a laugh out of it.

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