For Swingers or swingers to be...

Hi people, i'm very curious about this topic here and i'd apreciate feed-back from experienced swingers.

I would like to know how you got "the balls" to watch your wife or your girl being fucked by another dude just in front of you !!! To me this is impossible, i'm too chiken to go there but i give props and respect to those who are into it.
How can you just stand there and watch her moan and get wet and sucking on another man's dick while he touches her breasts and kisses her ??!!
I just can't get how you look at each other afterwards and carry on as usual...

I'd have to kill myself cause i'm sure it would NEVER get that out of my mind until the day i died.

Maybe it's not as hard as i think or it has nothing to do with courage but instead is about freedom of mind or something...?

Please describe your feelings from the first time you swinged, i.e. what went through your mind, what you felt at the moment.

Try to remember with detail what you were telling yourself at the time, the very first time...

I know this is very personal and it's none of my buisiness but after all we talk about our dicks in here and pretty much anything else so... Bear with me ok?

Peace

Mike

8InchMIKE said:

Hi people, i'm very curious about this topic here and i'd apreciate feed-back from experienced swingers.

I would like to know how you got "the balls" to watch your wife or your girl being fucked by another dude just in front of you !!! To me this is impossible, i'm too chiken to go there but i give props and respect to those who are into it.
How can you just stand there and watch her moan and get wet and sucking on another man's dick while he touches her breasts and kisses her ??!!
I just can't get how you look at each other afterwards and carry on as usual...

I'd have to kill myself cause i'm sure it would NEVER get that out of my mind until the day i died.

Click to expand...

LOL... your comments are a little amusing to read but most swinger were exactly in your shoes at one time. I was very protective and jealous of "my girl" at one time but we all go through evolutions. The swinger mindset is all about separating sex from love. They are two and completely different things but we all grow up connecting them and assuming that they are one and the same. Once you can separate the two then you understand that sex is all about procreation and pleasure, love is what happens the rest of the time that you're not in bed. It's the things that you do for each other because you know it makes your partner happy.

When you are at this point in your relationship, sex is all about bringing physical joy to your partner and vice versa. It doesn't matter if it's me or someone else giveing her pleasure as long as she is enjoying it. When we swing, we always do it in the same room where we can see each other... not all swinger are like that and some actually go on separate dates away from their partner. For us that doesn't work as we enjoy seeing each other being pleasured.

Maybe it's not as hard as i think or it has nothing to do with courage but instead is about freedom of mind or something...?

Click to expand...

Swinging isn't for everyone and can break up a relationship pretty quick if both in the couple can't separate love from sex. It's not something that a couple can just jump into... you both have to be on the same page first.

Please describe your feelings from the first time you swinged, i.e. what went through your mind, what you felt at the moment.

Try to remember with detail what you were telling yourself at the time, the very first time...

Click to expand...

Before we tried it we actually talked about it alot... then we fantasized about it before ever considering doing it. We first tested the waters by going to a few local swinger clubs and just soaked in the environment and met/talked to several swingers to get their take on the whole thing. Once we were comfortable, we just let go and opened ourselves to "go with the flow" and see where it took us.

Our first experience was at an on-prem swing club. We met several couples and just enjoyed each other's company, talking, drinking and dancing. At one point, someone suggested that we all go to one of the rooms and we agreed. We all started making out with our own spouses and because we were all in a relatively small space, hands reached out and began to touch and caress other people. Soon after it escalated to fondling, licking, sucking, and eventually sex. The whole time my wife and i were withing arms reach and within each other's line of sight.

At one point in the evening, a man or woman was going down on my wife and she had her eyes closed enjoying this person's tongue. She opened her eyes and our eyes met. She mouthed "i love you" to me as she was getting close to cumming. I was very happy that she was enjoying herself and knew right then that we made the right decision.

I envy you the freedom you have found. I drifted into marriage for all the wrong reasons, I love my wife but it's almost like an expected thing. Yes we have been through a lot, have five kids, have suffered miscarriages, a bankruptcy and endeless other trials. We get on well and I do love her ... but then I love my sisters too ... I'm at that time of life when it all gets very confusing. I'd love nothing more than to throw caution to the wind, stick my dick in whatever woman would llet me, but I'm insecure enough to worry about the consequenses (how do you spell that?) of my doing the same. I don't know that i could handle it, and I'm damn sure she couldn't if it were me. I envy every swinger the freedom from guilt that they must enjoy ... I'm full of guilt even for thinking it!

Ivan

PS Sorry i'm ranbling ... one bottle of wine down!

Hey sikkdogg, you are sick dawg... lol i'm just kidding of course...

Cool that you found my ideas amusing cause one of my purposes in life is making at least one person a day smille from something i did/said. I'm a damn comedian and i get kicks from seing people happy i must confess.

Man you must be one of the most confident and self-assured persons i've ever come across in my life, i mean....i can trully state that swinging is def. not for me dude. The thought of "my girl" ( and i know why you quoted it and i also know she is NOT my girl cause she belonges to herself only ) being licked by some dude and looking at me man... I'd have nightmares with that for sure.

Maybe i'm just too possesive but my gf is like that too so... we are cool with monogamy.

One thing i know is... i'd go ballistic if i was in a situation like the one you described, i'd start kicking balls and breaking necks all around.

Man i really gotta grow up... I feel so selfish, imature, possesive and downright jealous of all men that even cross my girls eyes. geeez

Let me tell you this:

You've huge balls man, props to you my sikkdogg friend. If it makes you happy then go for it.

P.s. Is having all that extra pussy without even cheeting worth the sheer torture of her being screwd by others ?? Does it compensate ?? Am i an idiot with pre-historic morals ??

Peace

Mike

ivan said:

PS Sorry i'm ranbling ... one bottle of wine down!

Click to expand...

Ramble away ivan my friend, ramble away...

Ohhh and cheers mate, have one glass for my sake cause i sure need it just from thinking about this swinging thing...In fact have many many glasses for me cause one i don't think will suffice.......

Peace

Mike

Ivan, many more relationships have been destroyed than enhanced by taking this jump. Even sikdogg would acknowledge this. You have to have a specific type of personality/viewpoint to handle this, I'm sure. If you're married with five children, I would recommend you put this fantasy to rest and forget about it. If you had enjoyed sex like this with girlfriends before your wife and she had experience with the swinging thing too, maybe you'd know what you're in for, but I would really be cautious about this major gamble.

Here's an interesting read from the Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality. Swingers were surveyed and the results were interesting (read quote below)...

The full text can be found here: http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm

How happy are the marriages of swingers? Table 14 compares how swingers and the G.S.S. sample of married persons rated the happiness of their marriages. Significant differences were found between the two groups, with swingers showing higher levels of happiness than married couples in the general population.

Among swingers, is there a relationship between swinging and marital happiness? Two questions on the survey – one which asked about their relationships before swinging and the other about them after swinging – are cross-tabulated in Table 15. As the data shows, 62.6% of swingers found that swinging improved their marriages/relationships, 35.6% said their relationships stayed about the same, and only 1.7% said they became less happy. Even among those who said their marriages were "Very Happy" prior to swinging nearly half (49.7%) said they became happier. Among those with the most unhappy marriages 90.4% said their relationship became happier after swinging. It appears that, at least among the sample of swingers used in this research, swinging tends to improve the perceived quality of the couples' marriages regardless of how satisfying it was before swinging.

Since only 30% of the respondents in this study were female, the question arises whether the data on marital happiness after swinging is reflecting predominantly male rather than female attitudes. Table 16 shows this same question broken down by gender. As indicated, females showed just as great a tendency to rate their relationships as happier after swinging as did males.

If swinging were to threaten a couples' relationship, one would think that controlling jealousy would be a major issue. Table 17 shows that jealousy does not seem to be as big a problem for swingers as one might think. The majority of swingers (68.1%) said that jealousy was not a problem at all. Only 6.1 percent said it was "Very Much" a problem and about one- fourth (26.1%) said it was "Somewhat" of a problem. Males and females differed very little on their answers.

Swingers were asked how important "variety in my sex life" and "meeting new friends and expanding my social life" were in their decision to adopt the swinging lifestyle. Table 18 and Table 19 show that while sexual variety was "Very Important" to approximately one-half of the sample, over one-third said making friends was "Very Important." These findings suggest that for many swingers swinging may be more than just anonymous sex with strangers – mixing socially with like-minded people may constitute an important part of their social and emotional lives.

General life satisfaction was measured using two questions on the General Social Survey. Table 20 and Table 21 show the results of these two measures. Table 20 indicates that swingers rate themselves as significantly happier than the general population. Table 21 shows that swingers are significantly more likely to experience life as exciting rather than dull or routine. Although it could not be established in this research that swinging caused general happiness to increase, swingers do appear to lead happier and more exciting lives than non-swingers.

Click to expand...

Sikdogg, it has obviously worked out okay for you. And it has worked out okay for the swingers surveyed. If you go to a swinging club/event or other venue that provides a means of talking to these people and find married couples, it has probably worked for them. But what the study doesn't measure is how many marriages "tried it" and did so with disasterous consequences. I am in no way condemning you, but I just don't think it would work for most and most relationship experts will say the same thing.

As you said, a person has to be able to separate sex from love. How do YOU do that? I am curious. I might say I can separate sex from love, because I have never been in love. What do I feel for my old partners? I don't know. I wish them well and have no negative feelings towards them, but I certainly nevered loved them. On the other hand, you have a wife you've been with for many years. If I'm not mistaken, you have children together. I believe I have heard you say, and would certainly hope, that you do love your wife. So is the love completely separate from sex and is sex with your wife no different really than with anyone else, or does it have additional meaning? Is it kind of like watching the football game with your best guy friend, as compared to just any old guy friend, or is it deeper? I don't know how to come up with a better example and that wasn't meant to be a smartassed or demeaning remark. I am genuinely curious. I have always wondered what the emotions would be within a relationship that seems healthy and yet non-monogamous.

Geeez i'm sorry people but the more i think about it the more puzzled i become.

This whole issue is a snake in my head dudes, i can't imagine it being for me, i am too possesive ( so is my girl ) to be able to go into it. Maybe someday the opportunity will present itself and i'll see where it leads but as of now i'd just go apeshit mad and get medieval on everybody's asses.

Yesterday i was watching SIN CITIES and the topic was swinging and man let me tell ya... i even grinded my teeth when two cuples went to a separate room, they never met before that day and 5 minutes later they swaped partners and just started screwing each other.... I put myself in they're shoes mentally and that alone made me mad...

I know now it is not something for me, i'd just get violent and shit. Maybe i'm too insecure, maybe i was brought up this way or maybe i'm just afraid i'd like toooo much... :D

I just can't deal with the possibility of some dude humping my girl, i'd never be able to live with myself again as i figure one cannot avoid thinking about the " others " even when we are no longer together with them. I start imagining my girl thinking about some dudes dick in her mouth or whatever holes and getting pleasure from that. Does this make me selfish ? If so... then i am selfish and happy nonetheless.

I say again...props to anyone who can pull it off. I wish i could...Imagine how much pussy one could "get"...

Peace

Mike

penguinsfan said:

Sikdogg, it has obviously worked out okay for you. And it has worked out okay for the swingers surveyed. If you go to a swinging club/event or other venue that provides a means of talking to these people and find married couples, it has probably worked for them. But what the study doesn't measure is how many marriages "tried it" and did so with disasterous consequences. I am in no way condemning you, but I just don't think it would work for most and most relationship experts will say the same thing.

Click to expand...

You actually make a great point... i'm sure swinging has ruined alot of relationships. That said, there are a number of people that go into swinging to try and fix an already failing relatonship... what typically happens is that jealousy gets in the way and they typically break up sooner than later. I believe that if a couple that has a very strong relationship BOTH decide to give it a try, then they will weather thru the storm.

As you said, a person has to be able to separate sex from love. How do YOU do that? I am curious. I might say I can separate sex from love, because I have never been in love. What do I feel for my old partners? I don't know. I wish them well and have no negative feelings towards them, but I certainly nevered loved them. On the other hand, you have a wife you've been with for many years. If I'm not mistaken, you have children together. I believe I have heard you say, and would certainly hope, that you do love your wife. So is the love completely separate from sex and is sex with your wife no different really than with anyone else, or does it have additional meaning? Is it kind of like watching the football game with your best guy friend, as compared to just any old guy friend, or is it deeper? I don't know how to come up with a better example and that wasn't meant to be a smartassed or demeaning remark. I am genuinely curious. I have always wondered what the emotions would be within a relationship that seems healthy and yet non-monogamous.

Click to expand...

I don't really know how i separate love from sex... i just do. It's an understanding that sex is about physical pleasure and love is purely emotional. Sex with my wife is always better than with other partners only because we know how to push each other's pleasure buttons. Swinging has also allowd us to learn new things and techniques from other partners that we were able to bring into our lovemaking to make it better.

8InchMIKE said:

... Yesterday i was watching SIN CITIES and the topic was swinging and man let me tell ya... i even grinded my teeth when two cuples went to a separate room, they never met before that day and 5 minutes later they swaped partners and just started screwing each other.... I put myself in they're shoes mentally and that alone made me mad...

Click to expand...

There are alot of swingers that are what's called "sport-fucking". This is where they are just out to screw anything that is willing... we aren't like that at all. We are very choosey about who we have sex with. We typically get to know them first and agree that we are both interested before we get in bed with them. We don't take one for the team, meaning that if i think the chick is totally hot but my wife isn't attracted to the man, i don't expect her to do him so i can do the hot chick. It's all or nothing... We also have a rule to always be in the same room/bed when we swing. We both enjoy seeing the other having a good time.

I think most guys can't imagine swinging because they are just so insecure... they think that if someone is bigger or better than him, she's going want him instead of you. That's just not true for the most part. It should looked at as a learning experience... if some guy does something that really gets my wife off, she will tell me later how and what he did so that i can do it her also. What this does is makes us both better lover to each other.

Very interesting.

How awesome would it be to fake a marriage with a girl you're friends with so you can become 'swingers'. Once I'm 8x6 I'm totally getting on that... it would be so much fun.

Not all swingers are married couples... there is a large percentage of swingers that are just boyfriend/girlfriend so there's no need to fake anything... just find a girl who is willing to swing and go find a local swing club.

sikdogg said:

Not all swingers are married couples... there is a large percentage of swingers that are just boyfriend/girlfriend so there's no need to fake anything... just find a girl who is willing to swing and go find a local swing club.

Click to expand...

Dude, please stop giving me ideas man...

Yeah, Dude!! It's one of my fantasies. And the Mrs. is ultra-conservative in this regard.

And I'm like Mike!! The thought of some dude fucking my Mrs. makes me want to rearrange his face. On second thought, I guess this is not for me either.

goinfor11x7 said:

And I'm like Mike!! The thought of some dude fucking my Mrs. makes me want to rearrange his face. On second thought, I guess this is not for me either.

Click to expand...

Yeah man, not for me either. My girl is also absolutely opposed to it. Funny how she verbalizes my exact thoughts on it saying things like: " And i am supposed to watch you screw other women in front of me??!! That's sick..." she tells me. lol Also funny is when she says "...that's sick..." i remember ouer good friend SICKdog....lol

I have the uttermost respect for those open-minded enough to embarc on such a trip cause it would just mess me up for life...

Peace

Mike

Many guys can't handle watching their girl get piped by some other dude and most women are appalled by the idea, so your guys are right...it's not for most people.