It is so incredibly hard for me to wade through the waters of time, money and commitment in my life of PE. Self doubt is both a massive demon and a motivator of mine. I've quit PE several times and I'm starting to remember exactly why. I measured my BPFS last week and was literally a hair under 9.25". For the past couple days I couldn't hit the same BPFS if my life depended on it. This push pull and tug relationship with PE messes with my head a lot more then I'd like to admit.
I've tried the "throw my rulers away" tactic. That shit doesn't worth with me. I ended up downloading a ruler on my phone and started measuring things to check my measurements with. My girth has increased from 5.2 to around 5.3-5.35. BUT the fucked up thing is that if I pinch the measuring tape with just a little more force I jump back down to 5.20-5.25. This makes me question my previous measuring tactics a GREAT deal. When am I ever measuring properly and not letting the tape loose to boost my stats and make me feel good about my routine? Sometimes this doesn't bother me and sometimes it really fucks with me.
I don't doubt PE but i sometimes hear voices that doubt PE on my body. The only piece of reality that snaps me out of this negative thinking is when I try to pinch the tape to 5" girth. I can't do it and it hurts. That's the main reminder that something has changed girth-wise.
I recent read an article that was written on DLD many years ago:
https://www.salon.com/2005/04/12/salvini/
I am so happy to see that he has faced similar types of thoughts and measurement battles 10 times over! I've known this for many years but it was refreshing seeing it from another point of view. When I make gains...my penis doesn't transform into a new penis. It's the same old dick between my legs but the rulers say different numbers (like I'm in the twilight zone). It's like taking a photo and increasing the zoom by 0.01 every month. Every month my mind looks at my dick and immediately says "YUP I recognize this dick. SAME ol thing. Don't bother taking the ruler out because I see zero gains". My beginning measurements make no sense to me what-so-ever. Was I drunk or high when I took those measurements....? Seriously. I would bet my life savings on the fact that I've had the same thing between my legs my entire life. It's just what my eyes see and the visual tricks that I feel that I'm plagued with.
I was 19 going on 20 when I first found the brother hood over 13 years ago. I don't think a single thing has helped me so much with my male health and self image. But I was young and hardly dedicated. I wait and tried again in 2009. I was still not ready for the PE fight. I am now 33 and have learned a lot about life. I will not quit on myself if I get discouraged and I promise to voice my concerns if I do feel the urge to give up. But this incremental gain is an absolute curse. I can train myself to bench press 3 plates a side and jump almost 4 feet off the ground faster than my body will give me 0.5 inches of girth. That takes a hidden shot to my ego.... I know first world problems huh? Anyway I must remind myself that I'm thankful for life, thankful that my family is relatively healthy, and aside from some nagging sports injuries I am healthy as well. I am particularly thankful for you guys and how much you have helped my mind and insecurities settle down in my raging 20's.
I've tried the "throw my rulers away" tactic. That shit doesn't worth with me. I ended up downloading a ruler on my phone and started measuring things to check my measurements with. My girth has increased from 5.2 to around 5.3-5.35. BUT the fucked up thing is that if I pinch the measuring tape with just a little more force I jump back down to 5.20-5.25. This makes me question my previous measuring tactics a GREAT deal. When am I ever measuring properly and not letting the tape loose to boost my stats and make me feel good about my routine? Sometimes this doesn't bother me and sometimes it really fucks with me.
I don't doubt PE but i sometimes hear voices that doubt PE on my body. The only piece of reality that snaps me out of this negative thinking is when I try to pinch the tape to 5" girth. I can't do it and it hurts. That's the main reminder that something has changed girth-wise.
I recent read an article that was written on DLD many years ago:
https://www.salon.com/2005/04/12/salvini/
I am so happy to see that he has faced similar types of thoughts and measurement battles 10 times over! I've known this for many years but it was refreshing seeing it from another point of view. When I make gains...my penis doesn't transform into a new penis. It's the same old dick between my legs but the rulers say different numbers (like I'm in the twilight zone). It's like taking a photo and increasing the zoom by 0.01 every month. Every month my mind looks at my dick and immediately says "YUP I recognize this dick. SAME ol thing. Don't bother taking the ruler out because I see zero gains". My beginning measurements make no sense to me what-so-ever. Was I drunk or high when I took those measurements....? Seriously. I would bet my life savings on the fact that I've had the same thing between my legs my entire life. It's just what my eyes see and the visual tricks that I feel that I'm plagued with.
I was 19 going on 20 when I first found the brother hood over 13 years ago. I don't think a single thing has helped me so much with my male health and self image. But I was young and hardly dedicated. I wait and tried again in 2009. I was still not ready for the PE fight. I am now 33 and have learned a lot about life. I will not quit on myself if I get discouraged and I promise to voice my concerns if I do feel the urge to give up. But this incremental gain is an absolute curse. I can train myself to bench press 3 plates a side and jump almost 4 feet off the ground faster than my body will give me 0.5 inches of girth. That takes a hidden shot to my ego.... I know first world problems huh? Anyway I must remind myself that I'm thankful for life, thankful that my family is relatively healthy, and aside from some nagging sports injuries I am healthy as well. I am particularly thankful for you guys and how much you have helped my mind and insecurities settle down in my raging 20's.
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