Ridiculous Problem

[KevinP]

Okay so I have an issue that is bothering me. I have been with my gf for about 2.5 years and we are very in love. We have an awesome sex life. For about a year now I have not felt that she is very attracted to me. Complements have diminished, her sex drive has suffered, not many spontaneous cock grabs anymore (used to be frequent not that its a huge deal), and I always feel like im the one trying to be romantic. Im not trying to gloat but I consider myself an above average looking guy. Literally have had 30 opportunities over the past 2.5 years to have sex with gorgeous women. I did nothing to attract these women, they came on to me. So I have developed the feeling that most girls are attracted to me. except the one i care about most. Im in the best shape I have ever been in, super sweet to her, I listen to her problems and all that stuff, and am a genuine guy. What the hell am I doing wrong? Being too nice?

Any input is appreciated, thanks.

 

[KevinP]

Sorry for the double post. Thought I would include some examples.

I sent her a nude pic spontaneously hoping for a response like "I want you" or "you look good" or "lets have fun tonight"
Nope. She writes back "nice."

I dont know how this came up but it involved me flexing my arms and showing my muscle. Not one word.

Maybe Im just being a vein, insecure, over-thinking crybaby.

 

[MAXAMEYES]

When someone's behavior changes the first thing I look for is, "What Has Changed". Nothing happens in a vacuum. If your relationship is as actually strong as it sounds why don't you approach her honestly and ask.
Something might be affecting her that you have no clue about and she may not even recognize herself.

Now, having said that, be prepared for just about anything. From family, to work, to an old friend of hers to some shit she saw on Oprah. There's no fuckin' tellin' what you'll receive when you ask a woman, "Hey, whatcha thinkin'?"

Also; she just might, A) not know she's behaving differently or, B) not know what's bothering her..."just something!" or, C) it's hormones.

Simply put: it could be anything, literally.

As Gramps useta say: "Women, if they weren't all warm n soft inside, there's be season on 'em...just like deer".

Good luck!

 

[KevinP]

Haha ^that quote, thanks a lot for the thoughts.

She recently stopped taking her birth control because she said it made her feel; moody, bitchy, less horny, easily irritated and feel like shit.
So it could definitely be the hormones doing something. I literally talk to her about everything and know everything about each other's history and life issues.

A few months ago I actually did ask her, "Are you still attracted to me? Because (of the reasons i listed above)" She explained that I am at fault because I only associate sexual actions (like crotch grabbing) as affection. That I didnt see all the other non-superficial complements she was giving me.

 

[MAXAMEYES]

I gotts say that in the larger scheme of things two and a half years really isn't much time at all. We all have a lot of stuff floatin' around in our heads ( well, most folks anyways-me, I'm kinda simple) and more often than not we just can't articulate what's going on in there because it just hasn't coalesced fully.

Maybe she's going through a protracted "What-if" session...women do that, believe me.

She just might have a hard time of, or is simply unable to, talk about something that hasn't taken full form in her thinking yet. Might just be a stage you'll have to Patience" yer way through.

 

[KevinP]

Yeah, I guess only time will tell. I shouldn't dwell on it. Just sucks that sooo many other girls want to sit on it. Another reason she is hesitant to have sex a lot is the pain. Im not big by any means but for whatever reason it hurts her. Sometimes she is hurt for the next few days.

 

[Alex78]

Okay so I have an issue that is bothering me. I have been with my gf for about 2.5 years and we are very in love. We have an awesome sex life. For about a year now I have not felt that she is very attracted to me. Complements have diminished, her sex drive has suffered, not many spontaneous cock grabs anymore (used to be frequent not that its a huge deal), and I always feel like im the one trying to be romantic. Im not trying to gloat but I consider myself an above average looking guy. Literally have had 30 opportunities over the past 2.5 years to have sex with gorgeous women. I did nothing to attract these women, they came on to me. So I have developed the feeling that most girls are attracted to me. except the one i care about most. Im in the best shape I have ever been in, super sweet to her, I listen to her problems and all that stuff, and am a genuine guy. What the hell am I doing wrong? Being too nice?

Any input is appreciated, thanks.

Stop being sweet but start having your life, go out, hang with buddies, do things that are not related to her!
You are now settled into a routine and women hate that, they want a man that has his own life and they are there for the ride, once she becomes his life, he is no longer interesting!
Stop clinging on to her!

 

[DLD]

Stop being sweet but start having your life, go out, hang with buddies, do things that are not related to her!
You are now settled into a routine and women hate that, they want a man that has his own life and they are there for the ride, once she becomes his life, he is no longer interesting!
Stop clinging on to her!

Alex makes some excellent points. Having separate lives is important, absence make the heart grow fonder. Set up some dates with friends, maybe some hobbies, the gym, whatever...make a schedule that includes you time.

 

[KevinP]

I agree completely. My previous posts make it sound like I am with her 100% of the time. I definitely am not. I go out with the guys all the time. I think its the fact that when we do have a chance to hangout or poke, she doesnt care. I think 80% of this is me just wanting to fuck to be honest.

 

[Churchill]

Do what I did with my wife once. Walk up to her at night, pull her panties down and look at her crotch for a second. Stand up, look her dead in the eyes and say, "You know, that isn't the only one of those damn things out there".

We had a bit of an argument.Then I told her that there are a lot of women at work that would give anything for a shot at a guy like me and I rebuke them all because I love you, but I will not wait too much longer for you to get your head right. 12 years later we are still married and the sex is mind blowing. You may want to try a different approach, but be a man not a whipped boy. The main thing is to break down barriers so the conversation has a direction to take off in.

 

[Alex78]

Do what I did with my wife once. Walk up to her at night, pull her panties down and look at her crotch for a second. Stand up, look her dead in the eyes and say, "You know, that isn't the only one of those damn things out there".

We had a bit of an argument.Then I told her that there are a lot of women at work that would give anything for a shot at a guy like me and I rebuke them all because I love you, but I will not wait too much longer for you to get your head right. 12 years later we are still married and the sex is mind blowing. You may want to try a different approach, but be a man not a whipped boy. The main thing is to break down barriers so the conversation has a direction to take off in.

good stuff,nice read!

 

[DLD]

Do what I did with my wife once. Walk up to her at night, pull her panties down and look at her crotch for a second. Stand up, look her dead in the eyes and say, "You know, that isn't the only one of those damn things out there".

Lol, that is priceless!

 

[REDZULU2003]

I LUV THAT ...Priceless man just priceless Bet that shut the bitch up!

 

[Churchill]

I LUV THAT ...Priceless man just priceless Bet that shut the bitch up!

Like I said earlier it opened the conversation. It ended up being post partum depression that she had been suffering with for over 4 years. We had averaged having sex about once every 3 - 4 months. Started working on that and a couple years later she comes down with rheumatoid arthritis (at 31) in her hands. Developed another bout of mild depression and her Dr. that was treating it over prescribed medication for pain (morphine sulphate). She actually wound up dependent on the meds and was practically non orgasmic for several years. because of my work, I really had no idea about her medication. We recently got her off of the meds and the fucking sex is mind boggling. She finally discovered a g spot orgasm and is hooked. Recently she had somewhere around 12 - 14 orgasms from her g spot. The first two were by tongue (it tastes really bitter and nasty but is so fucking hot to do).
To sum it up:

Most (not all) women are really delicate creatures (inside) and really need to be watched out for. Many times you can't let them know, but you still need to watch out for their psyche, emotional state, and PHYSICAL changes.

My first wife refused to listen or talk about anything along these lines. After 12.5 years of lunacy with 8 of them dealing with an alcoholic, I booted the bitch and got custody of my daughter. Not wanting to ever remarry, I met a girl about a month after the divorce when I was 31 and she was 20. 6 months later we were married and here we are 18 years later. So I have 30 years of marital experience at age 49. Relationships are a full time job, give it the attention it is due and the dividends are gold. I believe that I may start a thread about how I came to this site. It was a trip.