Is it wrong to want sex???

[aeroth]

I don’t know what’s going on…I mean I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but then I read about other people and it seems I’m not in the wrong in my belief. I mean granted I try very hard to be understanding I don’t get angry or annoyed or anything, but she still says that I “hate” her or that I’m “disappointed” it kind of gets under my skin. If she thinks these are the ways I feel why is there no signs of any real kind of change? I feel like she truly thinks sex is wrong. Like I have to twist her arm to get her in the mood and it’s not like I’m pushy I back-off when I should. It’s just really starting to wear on me I mean it’s a better situation than what it use to be in the aspect that we went from having sex once or twice a month to having sex once or twice a week about three weeks out of the month. But in the process of doing that it’s all we do. We use to get physical and grind on each other and touch each other and enjoy oral sex with each other, but now it’s like sex or nothing. She makes me feel like I’m such a horn dog about it too. Like I should feel ashamed or something. I mean I want to be with her and not just occasionally. I just don’t feel she has the same level of attraction for me because of her lack of interest. It’s like she treats sex and sexual things as something she has to do rather than something she wants to do. There are always pretty valid reasons why we “can’t” this night or that night. Ranging from not being prepared to not being in the mood to being tired and so on. But it’s just getting to a point where I second guess things…if she’s right for me we match up so well on so many different levels, but this one seems to be polar opposites. I mean I like to do the other things she says she values…but I know where the “cuddling” ends up. Me wide awake from her lying on me half the night and her too tired to even give me a real kiss good night. It’s enough to drive me wild. I just want to be able to work into things rather than always trying to schedule events and making sure we’re alone or she knows to prepare or keeping her awake it’s fucking crazy…makes me doubt she’s even really the one. Which hurts because I love her…I’m scared now because I don’t want to say something wrong about how I feel, but at the same time I’m almost to the point of anger because I know it won’t change anything. None of the “talks” we’ve had about this issue have yielded any results…-sighs- What should I do???

 

[penguinsfan]

That sucks. Offhand, I don't know what to tell you. Some people feel ashamed of sex due to their moral beliefs, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Sounds like she has lost some drive.

 

[GrowthSpurts]

I hear ya man. Some of what you write sounds awfully familiar with my current situation with my GF.
Question, does she masturbate? Often women who have guilt feelings about sex will not even want to touch themselves in a sexual way.
Are these negative feelings she has about sex stem from her religious convictions?
I have a lot lot of other thoughts on your situation but need to get these basic questions addressed first.

 

[aeroth]

I hear ya man. Some of what you write sounds awfully familiar with my current situation with my GF.
Question, does she masturbate? Often women who have guilt feelings about sex will not even want to touch themselves in a sexual way.
Are these negative feelings she has about sex stem from her religious convictions?
I have a lot lot of other thoughts on your situation but need to get these basic questions addressed first.

No she doesn't masturbate much...and we talked about it the other day and she said the two main worries stem from worrying that I -just- want her for sex and that without that I'm not happy (something that happened with her ex and then he cheated on her). The other is mostly about the moral worries religiously, she doesn't want to get caught cause she's worried it's wrong because we're not married.

But like I've said we talked about it and I think I have to adjust too a little bit. I'm pretty liberal with my beliefs on the subject, but need to be more understanding...I think once I have my own place it'll help the situation a lot too because then it's less likely we get "caught" and then she can be at ease about that worry.

 

[sikdogg]

She's settting you up to cheat on her just like her ex... Her ex prolly went thru the exact same thing you are going through and if she doesn't see that then you will most likely end up doing the same thing. It's a self fulfilling prophecy that some women like to put themselve through... they think that men only want sex so they withhold it to test their men, what this does is cause resentment to the point that the men cheat. Then they justfy breaking up by saying, see i knew all he wanted was sex... They can't see that if they had simply met their men half way, there would be no problems...

I don't think this relationship will last if she isn't willing to change... she will likely end up doing the same thing to her next bf's. Move on...

 

[GrowthSpurts]

Just as I thought. Sounds like somebody planted these deep feelings of guilt in her in the name of religion. I too am like you, somewhat liberal in my beliefs and to contrast this with a woman who is told that sex (outside of marriage) is wrong and sinful - well thats a tough situation. You gotta decide if her other qualities are strong enough that you want to stay with her ... and eventually get married or ... that you two might not be compatible and you need to look elsewhere.

 

[10inchadvantage]

Sex is a pretty big part of any relationship. If you aren't getting any, a lot of your relationship is already in trouble. You aren't even married yet!

 

[aeroth]

Well we're already engaged. And it's not that she "withholds" sex I mean we had sex Saturday night. Her mother was out of town last night and called and started saying to "behave" and that she had cameras in her room and stuff...then her sister called too to checkup on us....so I totally see where she gets worried, now. I mean that's pretty lame behavior to do that to a full grown woman who's at home still. But because she's the youngest she's the "baby" it's really annoying to see her family treat her like a child still. Just how it works though.

This is nowhere near the same situation as she had before with her ex. I didn't pressure her into sex and we've been smart and safe everytime. I've not made her feel bad about it either or told her things like she doesn't love me because she won't do sexual things with me. I really believe the only issues is outside of our control at this point. Sure she could stop carrying about what her family would think and would they would do if they caught us, but that's unlikely. It's just a matter of time before we get married anyway and we still have sex somewhat regularly which when I get -my- own place it'll likely increase too. Then once we're married all those worries will be gone because there won't be anymore questions of right or wrong.


She's worth it and sex -isn't- the only thing that matters. Besides it allows me more time to Penis Enlargement!!!

 

[Baazbold]

She's worth it and sex -isn't- the only thing that matters. Besides it allows me more time to Penis Enlargement!!!

Thats so sad. How old are the two of you? If you think that you will have more sex once you are married... hahhaaha.... thats really funny. Basically, you had better work this issue out now, or risk having it explode once you are married and have kids. Better to break it off now when there's nothing on the line but feelings.

 

[aeroth]

Wow I'm kind of surprised by the mix responses.


It's not a married not married issue. It's a privacy issue. She lives with her parents and I live with my parents. Normally we have to wait until her parents go to sleep before we can do anything. We don't do anything at my house that often because of my younger sister being around...and she's in the room next door.

We still have sex once or twice a week. I'm in the process of moving out and expect it to be an easier situation at this point. With me having my own place it'll mean we don't have to plan or wait or anything to have sex. We can just do it when we feel like it.


So I'll update I guess when that happens and let you know how it changes. But still how many of you are in a relationship that you have sex more than twice a week?

 

[penguinsfan]

Wow I'm kind of surprised by the mix responses.


It's not a married not married issue. It's a privacy issue. She lives with her parents and I live with my parents. Normally we have to wait until her parents go to sleep before we can do anything. We don't do anything at my house that often because of my younger sister being around...and she's in the room next door.

We still have sex once or twice a week. I'm in the process of moving out and expect it to be an easier situation at this point. With me having my own place it'll mean we don't have to plan or wait or anything to have sex. We can just do it when we feel like it.


So I'll update I guess when that happens and let you know how it changes. But still how many of you are in a relationship that you have sex more than twice a week?

Okay...I thought you two lived together.

Definitely see how things change when you get your own place, but if the issues still linger it is cause for concern.

 

[aeroth]

Okay...I thought you two lived together.

Definitely see how things change when you get your own place, but if the issues still linger it is cause for concern.

Oh my mistake I didn't clarify BUT if we did live together and this was the case I would indeed be a lot less likely to hang with it.

 

[Baazbold]

To answer your question, my last girlfriend and I had sex normally about 4-5 times a week, spread out over like 3 days. The other days I was a huge bastard and cheated on her. It was pretty awesome, I felt like a Rock Star. Now, I live at home with my parents and all the 'prospect' girls that I used to hang out with see that I was a huge dick and want nothing to do with me. I guess I got my come uppance, but... whatever, I'm 23, way too young to be tied down.