December 24th & 25th
Did my bundled stretching of 20 mins. My kegels and reverse kegels, had a nice christmas eve / christmas dinner with friends family and relatives.
Did not drink any alcohol, but other people were drinking beer or liquor. So no problems.
I’ve been thinking long and hard about what
@enrikxl said.... Maybe I just have to learn to control my urges, instead of going all extreme and stopping cold turkey.
So what really happens and has happened in the past is, I’d go out partying, going overboard with alcohol and drugs, I mean really overboard, and after the party I’d have hangovers for a week or 10 days and then I was completely miserable, depressed, and I no longer wanted to live on this planet and all that kind of stuff.
So then I’d got better again, and no drugs or drinks for like 3-6 months. Completely sober and healthy and than I would be hyped up for another party again.
The biggest problem in my life was going overboard on drugs and booze. I could never use in moderation. Because I was young and stupid, I felt on top of the world with experimenting and partying. Now that i’m older and have more responsibilities, school work etc I don’t want to get hangovers / fucked up again for one week.
Maybe I have to do some test rounds to see what it’s like to have a small amount of drugs available for myself to take. And really adhere to the recommendations of taking breaks and not using again for minimum of 6 months....
If you take MDMA for example, the active ingredient in XTC pills, aka Molly, is only really relatively “safe” without severe brain damage if you use only a maximum 75-100 mg and then you would need to take a break of 6 months to restore serotonin and dopamin receptors.
You want to know what I did? Me, the young stupid that I was, kept using it for weeks on end, WITHOUT ANY BREAKS whatsoever, completely retarded, didn’t knew the risks and effects on your body.
Never bothered to read up on the pharmacology or biochemistry of the various drugs that I used, and eventually I ended up whining about quitting because of my depression and all other nasty side effects.
The key is to have a dosage ready, and be done with it for the night. No re-dosing, no extra calls to your dealer or whatever. And that right there is the biggest problem people have with drugs / prescription meds or booze. They can’t handle this.
The dopamine urges and crAvings are too strong, they want more and more. So when your 1 gram of cocaine is about to run out... What will people do? They will feel bad and want to extent their intoxication. They want to collect more money, in order to call their dealer for another gram of cocaine. And this is the train to nowhere.... Yea to addiction land. This all happens unconsciously, or shall I say with your subconscioussness.
You’re ending in a never-ending vicious circle.
Maybe if you adjust your goals that you want to achieve while going out. It can be possible to adjust or reprogram your drugs / booze intake.
Like what I did with my booze, I drank one shot of whiskey. Not the whole damn bottle. I used to do that alot. Drinking the whole bottle and be completely fucked up. Well I wasn’t a nice normal person to talk to anymore. Did I got laid ? Of course not. I was unhappy as I saw other people hooking up with chicks while I was laying there completely fucked up. I felt sadness, and more reason to drink even more.
Nowadays, if I go out, I try to talk to a lot of people, you know socializing, getting to know girls. All with the intention of hooking up. They also call that nightgame / daygame or cold approaching. Or when I get “choosing signals” from a girl. By body language or eye contact indicators.
There isn’t any more “goal” of getting fucked up or insanely high. The focus has shift to social interaction, seduction, body language stuff, dancing, and it’s important that you come off as a normal cool and fun dude who isn’t overly intoxicated or walking weirdly because of too much booze. That’s an instant turn off.
So basically what i’m trying to debate is wether it’s beneficial to have SMALL amounts of drugs in your system, just as an aid for staying up late until 5-6 AM.
It’s a completely different ballgame to what i’m used to. But I think it’s attainable with the right mindset and discipline.
The booze is lowering testosterone levels the instant you have more than two beers or one liquor shot. It’s that strong in destroying your male hormones that are needed for PE and growth.
The last time I used drugs wasn’t anything big either, I tapered off a lot during the last years. So I really wonder if this is something to try out.
I think i’m gonna test this on new years eve, with some pure MDMA powder, I weigh off the proper amount, 60-70mg or so, and I take that to stay awake and to feel good throughout the whole night.
The party will end at 5-6 PM so it’ll be a long evening. And maybe this is better to try out instead of completely isolating myself from life and social life / relationships.
Another thing that bothers me is the fact that I didn’t take any responsibility for having absolutely zero sex life. I NEED to go out, because i’m rotting away in my dorm room, just studying and ging to the gym isn’t going to help me meet women.
My biggest hurdles to overcome are cold approaching women via nightgame, nightclubs, and during the day.
I really need to find a fuckbuddy to have some fun with. And to test out my cock and future cock.
So once in a while having a party with a small amount of drugs to help me get through the night shouldn’t hurt me in the long run if I take the precautions and neccesary breaks etc.
Thank you
@enrikxl for giving me new insights. I want to add one thing, I won’t be doing cocaine or similar drugs to help me get through the party. It’s a complete shit drug and you need a lot of that stuff to even feel something. Dealers cut it up with other substances like dental anaesthetics or caffeine powder or harmful chemicals to increase their profits. Not to mention that it’s overpriced and it works for like 1 hour... stupid stuff.
I will just be using 50mg of pure MDMA powder in a gelatin capsule. No contaminations etc, just clean MDMA-crystals. And I have 10mg capsules to increase the dosage until 60-70mg and that should be plenty. Just to have a good time, and approaching girls, getting to know girls and seducing them.
When you go full out on cocaine, MDMA and you use lots of it, your dick shrivels up completely lol and it’s fucking embarrassing. Stimulants are so called vaso-constrictors. They actually reduce bloodflow to your dick.
I could stretch for long hours back in the days when I used to stay up for 40-50 hours because I never got an erection while high on high doses of cocaine / amphetamines. But that shit is completely unnecessary. There’s no point in using that much. It’s completely retarded.
The objective is the find the optimal dosage so I don’t get a hangover, I don’t feel like my brains are fried. I have optimal social interaction and my dick works optimal and I can reach extremely hard erections.
Drugs on low dosages are very stimulating if you have sex with it. So it should help with erections.
I will evaluate everything here and after 6 months again.
DISCLAIMER:
If it doesn’t work out the way I want to. Or I cannot handle myself and I want to take more... Then it’s really time to say farewell to all drugs and completely cut off all ties. So I think that will be a good new years resolution. My sober days will start counting on january the 2th, when all drugs are eliminated from my system.
EDIT: for the people who are interested:
MDMA (Molly/Ecstasy) Dosage is a scientific website on MDMA research and optimal dosage without getting neurotoxicity. It seems that the optimal dosage is between 81-100mg. Your desirable effects are maximized and negative side effects are minimal.
So that’s a matter of trying things out. Obviously that will take years to get to the optimal personal dosage for my body and goals.
Have a good night and merry christmas everyone!
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I'm glad you're feeling better, and don't sweat little stumbles on the road to improvement!
, one of the most important things men gain here is their sanity