Could use some, ehem, 'grown-up' help.

H

harmonic169

0
Gentlemen and... well, Gentlemen, I've a problem. Not really a problem, so much, as a situational clash with my personality. First some perspective on me: I'm 21 years old, though I'd like to consider myself mature, if not intelegent, for my age. I've had two real girlfriends, one in highschool and one in college. Both of them were long term: The first one for a year and a half, the second for two years. Now in my eyes both of these women were very attractive, though that didn't hold true for the rest of the world, it would seem. My first was a short (5' 4") 'cubby' (160-180lbs) young (14: Hey, I was in High School!! Jeeze...) woman. Mind you, she wore the weight VERY well, which is to say very large breasts and an ample ass. My second was short as well (5' 4") a bit bigger than chubby (170-200lbs) and less young (21). In short, I thought they were hot as hell, but they didn't get many whistles or comments or what have you. The next thing is, if you give any credance to astrology: I'm a Leo and I act like it. I'm possessive and jealous among other things, but that's what pertains to this thread. Moving forward to today:

I met a new girl: She's tall (5' 8") skinny (135lbs) and perfectely proportioned (36-24-36). As you can imagine, she get's more than her fair share of:

-Looks
-Comments
-Stalkers
-Love Letters
-Admirers
-E-Mails
-Guy 'Friends'

Additionally, she's a model, so I can't really STOP anyone from looking at her. Oh, one more thing on top of all of this: She's bisexual and misses having sex with women, so once in a while she will 'Cyber' (Read: Have cyber sex) with women online, which hurts me. So fast forward some. She's great and wonderful and sexually amazing! But I can't help being jealous. It's hard for me to watch all these guys fawn over her. Yes, she has me, but (Some more background information into 'us') she's had me before and broken my heart.

Anyhow, to make a long post longer. I've known her and loved her long enough that I don't want her to be 'mine', I just want her to be happy, but if I'm going to be with her, I want to be happy too, and not worried about beating up every man or woman that looks at her the 'wrong' way.

I need a way to get over being jealous of her, of her affectionate nature and of her 'admirers.'

I need a way to get over my insecurities that she's going to leave, or find someone better, or just dump me.

I need to accept that in her mind cyber sex isn't cheating, and accomadate.

Maybe I just need to fucking grow up about all of this?

Advice would be welcome, because in this regard I can't help but feel childish.
 
I think you should allow her to do as she will. If you try to control her then she will naturally push away from you. Then if she leaves you whilst you let her do as she wants then at least it's not your fault. Believe me if she is going to then she will either way.

Instead of thinking about her, how about getting in really good shape and work on getting a bigger dick. In other words, work on yourself. Then maybe your confidence will be raised to the point that you don't feel jealous anymore.

Jealousy in this situation is probably caused by thinking that you don't deserve her and therefore can't keep her. Sort out your body and your dick, then if she wants you she will come to you. If she doesn't then at least it is not based on any of those physical things and you won't have given her reason to leave through stifling her.

I hope it works out for you both. By the way I'm also 21 so this is not really mature advice just my opinion. :)
 
Yeah, you're both right. I know I have low selfesteem, it's just a matter of combating it. I suppose it'll just take a concerted effort.

TomdW, you're quite right about getting in shape and getting that 'uge cock I've always wanted. Er... that sounded bad, but you know what I mean. Here's the fun thing though (I'm a bit proud of this, if I do say so myself) I'm her best. The first time we had sex I gave her seventeen orgasms over about six hours. So I suppose it IS all in my head. And since I'm not good at changing my mind I suppose I should try to cange my body and hope that my mind changes with it. Sound about right?

One other thing: I didn't mean to imply that being 21 meant immaturity, simply that I feel immature. Considering that I've only had two relationships I think that's a pretty safe thing to say. :P
 
In my book, cybersex is cheating, too. If she's getting off with anohter person, even if it's just online, it's not what I'd do in a monogamous relationship. I don't mind guys looking at my girl, if anything it's a compliment. As long as she's not hitting on other guys. A girl can't stop a guy from looking at her.

Overall I'd be wary of this girl. The red flags to me are bisexual, has cyber-sex with other people, and she's already broken up with you. To me, those three things together mean she's not gonna give you the kind of relationship you're looking for. Sorry you gotta go through this situation. I had a somewhat similar one a few years back, though I had to find out on my own that she was bisexual and hooking up with other guys.
 
I'll say up-front that I don't have much relationship history, myself. I won't let that keep me from throwing in a couple pennies.

Similar to you, I have a dominant personality. It took me a while to realize that, but I now know that one of the qualities I need to look for in a woman is suBathmateissiveness. Not necessarily someone who will lick my ass when I snap my fingers, but someone who recognizes my authority as the man in the relationship and is happy and content with her role as helper.

If I were in your position, I would tell her my concerns, ask her not to do those things that upset me, and expect her to follow through. If she does not, I wouldn't expect much more in the future except additional pain.

I don't really believe in equality in a relationship. The cumulative responsibilities can be evenly divided, but in any organizational structure, one individual is always going to be at the top.
 
Tell her how you feel. See if she responds good or bad to it. If she cares for you she will change some things. If not, forget her. There will be others and mabey one you wont have to worry about.
 
She loves the attention she gets from all this stuff. If you feel sure that it won't go beyond that, then I'd think long and hard about ruining your time with this one that sounds like a real babe.
 
~Nods to all of the above.~

Yeah. Meh. I kinda' feel stuck in a quagmire with this one. I suppose that in the long run all I've really got to lose is a bit of time though...

We'll see. I think I'm gonna' take things slow, feel them out a bit, figure out where we're going, then take it from there.

Thanks for all the insight, Fella's, it's helpful. At least to know that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling.
 
Relax and have fun with her. Look around too, if you find another interesting girl go ahead and get close to her and see if you you like her. Maybe then this babe will want to commit to you, if you still want her.

There are many women out there and if she has eyes for others, don't feel guilty to do the same. who knows what will happen in the future?
 
At the end of the day if you dont change than she will sense this and get tired of it and drop you so its a must you change.
I will deal with the issues one at a time, see below.

I need a way to get over being jealous of her, of her affectionate nature and of her 'admirers.'
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You cant change her, if shes a affectionate person than thats what she is and I myself can be similer with strangers [opposite sex] and its just who I am and also the same with her. The issue of jelousy with regards to her 'admirers' well I like most men here will understand this, but its easy to deal with because she will come home to you at the end of the day, suck your cock and have sex with you....to put it blunt but more realistic she wants you and not them so no need to be jelous because shes with you and they are going to be attracted to her because you say shes attractive and its only normal for her to get admirers and if you get jelous and SHOW IT than she will feel that and like I said get bored with it or worse the admirers sense that and see a weakness [if they are the sort because you always get one chico who wants to push it] and go for it. In a nutshell, accept that shes sexy as hell and gets admirers, but shes COMMING BACK TO YOU afterwards and its YOU SHE WANTS and not them but like all or should I say MOST woman she will LOVE the attention and it will do wonders for her self esteem and it lies with her like eveyone if she remains loyal when faced with offers, which I think she will remain so dont go wondering. Also think about the situation on the other foot i.e you being sexy looking and tons of woman looking at you; what can you do about it? your looks and appeal cant be helped yet it doesnt mean you will drop your pants for the nearest mamacita.

I need a way to get over my insecurities that she's going to leave, or find someone better, or just dump me
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Why would she leave? why would she find someone better? why would she dump you? these are just chewing at you inside and are from the negative aspect of the first point I answered above. Get over your insecurities by talking to her more but with tact and makeing sure you have lots of FUN and make sex REALLY FUCKIN GOOD and if you love her than show that during sex by licking her fanny for 2 hours straight.
Honestly dont worry about it cos luckily only a few woman would do what you fear.

need to accept that in her mind cyber sex isn't cheating, and accomadate
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So I gather that she doesnt see cyber sex as cheating right? or is it vice versa? whatever the case the answer with me remains the same and that is it isnt cheating and is just harmless sexual fun. In all honesty you shouldnt need to do this if you can satisfy that lust with her, so perhaps get sex spiced up more with her and release that sexual energy onto her and perhaps play some roles out and get kinky.
Cyber sex IMHO isnt cheating, but woman see things in another light....I see it as masturbation however I only done it once but still.........
Like I said try to use the energy on her in the bedroom and make sex HOT AND SPICY than you wont have the sexual urge or desires to engage in cyber sex.
 
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im also the jelouse type cuz my girls at college..and she tells me she hangs out with guys a nd shit..and first i was liek wtf fuck fuck..all pissy now im calming down starting to relize hey w.e bro..im at college to Fuck it..ANd jsut hope for the best..no i dont cheat and i know she doesnt..but if she did i would fuckin break that kids neck..yea i need to grow up and stop being a immature bitch..cuz im a sexy man..and shouldnt feel like that..
 
Look, the bottom line comes down to your own self-confidence. I don't want this to be taken as superficial or anything like that, and I don't know you, but... could it be that you obtained confidence in the admiration of the girls who you paid attention to that others wouldn't? Now that you have found yourself with someone others are drawn to you are doubting yourself. If she likes you, she likes you. If she is going to be with you, she is. If not, so be it. However, it can have a lot to do with how you carry yourself. You would be surprised at how pick up and play off how a guy carries himself. If you are confident in your relationship, and more importantly yourself, people will be more drawn to you. Even if you aren't confident, fake it.
 
My mom was going to be an actress in Hollywood when she was going with my dad. She was all excited. She had won a talent contest and she was beautiful, too. The guy said, "That's it! You have SHOW IT!" So mom had it made.

Dad then told her that's great. I'm glad for you. But I want you to choose between Hollywood and me, because it isn't going to be both. Dad set a good example. He was willing to let her go, and she latched onto the surest thing-- dad.

So if you want a woman to respect you, try leading, for a change. Now, they may not care for that much, at first. But a leader isn't a dictator. He makes a woman feel good and very secore. His judgment is good because he practices being right and studies his mistakes so she can trust him more, over time. He admits his errors, which means he isn't going to continue making them. And he doesn't take himself so seriously, but he puts his wife first.

Regarding getting with some woman who is also bisexual-- frankly, that would stop me cold. That means that no matter how great a husband you could ever become, you are simply the guy who keeps her provided for while she finds interesting women to screw around with. To hell with that. SHe's got a strong-self-fixation. The sun rises and sets for her pleasure. I'd forget it.

It's so much better to find a woman who knows how to love--YOU.
 
I learned that hot chix like to make men crazy. There used to being watched all the time. So those women will like to tease and play all the time.

If you can revert her own game, chances are she'll become even more crazy about you.

PLAY ( I really said PLAY) play hard to get. If she asks for something ( anything, not just sex) put a price on it. Be funny though. Be unpredictible, but funny like hell. Cocky and funny hehe... That always works, especially with hot girls.
 
Oh and if she further test you, like a ... 'What?!' just keep a serious face, meaning ... what's your problem :P but keeping it funny.
 
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