The double standard with sex and women

Something else I have noticed and know many guys have fallen into this trap: women say they want a man that can be committed and that won't cheat. They call us a lot when we first date and we become accustomed to their courtship. So men get used to good, steady sex with the girl their dating or are in a relationship with. Then all of a sudden the girl starts to back away when you start to call to resume the way the relationship has been going; steady sex and steady time together. Now the man thinks she is cheating or sick of you because she would rather be at a club then with you. So men get clingy and wonder what's going on. If it's a man with options, he goes out looking for another girl to satisfy his needs (sex and courtship). Now all of a sudden we're "cheaters" out for one thing. Now our "male tendencies" emerge when really the girls want the same thing we do (sex) only they have a way of making us look bad for getting what they weren't giving us. The girl always backs out and says "he's getting too clingy" when that's what they wanted us to be after they described what they wanted by using the word "commitment." Can their be commitment without clingyness? I don't think so. I'm beginning to think that is impossible to not be a player and settle down with a great girl, because they're all programmed to go after the bigger, better deal. There seems to be no comprimise with women any more, the sexual revolution has turned them into independent minded sluts taking advantage of men for sex, and making us look bad for doing the same to them only it's out of confusion as to where the relationship is. I'm ranting again, but I know everyone has had this happen to them with women. Insert feedback

i pretty much get used as a sex toy. when women see me they automatically assume im a player, and hence thats all i get is sex (which can be good for some, but i miss the feelings of being intimate with someone) ive recently met a great girl - tall, slim, pretty AND get this - a lovely person!! she does loads of volunteering work and is always happy, also she doesnt sleep around - only 1 guy which was her ex. the problem? she thinks the same as everyone else that im a player and just gonna abuse her. ive met her a few times now, just as friends and she knows i like her in a sexual way. the point im trying to make is that i want more than just sex with this girl, anyone have any suggestions? please bare in mind im skint, so taking her out is not an option lol

You gotta find some way to spend some time with her without making it look like a set-up for sex. Make a pot of spaghetti and rent a movie. That's cheap enough (you gotta eat anyway). Then when the flick is over take her home or let her go if she drove. Don't push her out the door, but let her know you're not expecting her to stay very long. Chicks like to hang out too. If she can hang with you without feeling like you are expecting sex, then she'll come around. You just gotta be patient.

Evo: what do you mean you're "skint" ??

meshuggah said:

Evo: what do you mean you're "skint" ??

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I'm not Evo but I can answer this one:

Skint = no money/broke

Hope this helps,

Freakazoid

Can their be commitment without clingyness? I don't think so

Sure there can be. Commitment would be not going and sleeping with another girl is she needs some alone time.Clingyness is gettin mad a t her for going to a club.......see they are accually opposites....its all about trust

Well than can there be commitment without attachment?

lol...committment without attachment? I think you might be getting at love now with the word attachment. I don't want to touch this subject though. I think DD was right when he mentioned trust. It is about trust. She's going to do what she wants to do and so should you and occasionally there are compromises along the way in terms of plans. You just have to go with the flow and keep jealousy and paranoia in check otherwise you'll come off as either distant, non-trusting, and just our for sex, or yeah also clingy if you are constantly on her about where she's going or where she is during this time of transition where she probably just wants to do her own thing every now and then.

its been a while, completely lost this thread lol. ye skint = broke.
hey texan i more or less did exactly that (without reading your post) and we were friends for a bit, then one day last week we kissed an ive been seeing her nearly every day! things are going great, really enjoying each others company. so thanks for your help guys

meshuggah I know exactly what you're talking about. It's like a no-win situation. I've been simultaneously accused of being too clingy and not giving enough space then at the same time criticised for not calling enough and not paying enough attention!

meshuggah said:

I'm beginning to think that is impossible to not be a player and settle down with a great girl, because they're all programmed to go after the bigger, better deal. There seems to be no comprimise with women any more, the sexual revolution has turned them into independent minded sluts taking advantage of men for sex, and making us look bad for doing the same to them only it's out of confusion as to where the relationship is. I'm ranting again, but I know everyone has had this happen to them with women. Insert feedback

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I COMPLETELY agree. A lot of it is genetics, but a lot of it is also this notion that we "deserve" a perfectly happy life. Women believe that they "deserve" sexual satisfaction as well as emotional gratitude, but cant make up their mind, and want A LOT of both.

I'm not sure it's better if people repressed their sexual desires, but some curbing IS in order.

my god man...... yes that is how it works. I am probably the lowest species of a man... I rarely look for sex i look for intimacy... i think it was when my parents neglected me..... don't get me wrong sex good but I dunno there is something fucking sweet about having a woman you can talk and laugh with... just awesome.

I have repressed my sexual desires by a lot.... now it is like meh... sex...meh...women..or maybe i am depressed it is almost valentines...either way meh

I'm experiencing the exact same thing right now. It's not a fun thing to go through. My girlfriend used to make out with me, have frequent sex with me, and tell me she loved me all the time. I miss it. Now she's been gone for almost 2 days. My gut instinct tells me she's cheating on me, but I don't want it to be so. I put so much fucking effort into this relationship, and what do I get in return? A broken heart and a miserable life.

Sorry if I'm venting too much. I'm just so hurt right now. I don't know what to do.

Aces HIGH: Please don't be so certain that she's cheating; it sounds like you are assuming, but developing a concrete opinion at the same time. I made the same mistake once and the girl wasn't cheating. You don't want to wreck something without asking her first. You might be out months and months of sex! Thing about it man...

She spent the weekend at another guy's house. I figured it was a plausible assumption. I could be reading into the situation too deep, but it's hard to think "oh they're just friends" when she neglects to come home or call me.

Fortunatley, she's back home with me and everything turned out ok.

I appreciate the advice, too, Meshuggah. Pretty great band by the way.