S
stillwantmore
Guest
I actually started this as a reply in another thread in a different forum, but then thought I should start a totally new topic. Feel free to contribute. This is my first post in this thread.
I've been the jealous, insecure type before, and it's not a good way to be. It's not good for you long term mentally either. You will push more women away from you being the insecure, jealous/posessive type. Some women may like this type of guy, but most dont. They dont want to feel like they need to be careful with everything they do or say around other people. Nobody wants to feel that way. I'm sure you would frown on a woman for being that way with you. Sometimes checking out the 'self help' area of your local bookstore can help. However it doesnt work for everyone. Sometimes a person just needs to learn how to be as a person from living life. Some people learn, and adapt their personality and change for the better (survival of the fittest ring a bell?), and many do not.
I have a 'problem' some guys would love to have I'm sure. It took me a long time to realize this for myself, but I am in fact a good looking man. I had to embrace this concept before I realized it for myself. Not to say that you cannot be attractive to women without actually being a 'good looking' guy. The only thing a lot of these male celebrities have on me as far as so called 'looks' is usually a better hair stylist, more money, and the fact that the media has hyped them up as "the sexiest man on TV", the year, or whatever. That actor guy ...the 40 something year old that plays the "plumber" on the now popular show "Desperate Housewives" comes to my mind, as he is in fact a VERY average looking guy.
Back to my "problem". Since I have embraced the fact that I find myself attractive...and so do many members of BOTH sexes, I have become a lot more confident and outgoing. I know this because I have gone to gay clubs with friends (male and female) and I usually get hit on several times. This doesnt bug me because I'm very secure with who I am, I in fact find it very flattering, and a boost to my ego because it only re-enforces the fact that I know that I am an attractive guy.
I have no issues with talking to women that I find attractive when I choose to. I no longer have sweaty palms, or a fear of what 'she might say'. I get along with both sexes, but I PREFER women as friends. Most of the phone numbers in my cell phone address book belong to female friends. I can have friendships with women which are nothing more than friendships. On the other hand, it can be a very good thing to have a large pool of friends of the opposite sex, because if I become single I can dig into this 'pool' and have someone new to talk to and potentially develop a new relationship with.
The key being not to turn yourself into a "man whore" and have several short lived sexual relationships with every other one of your female friends. You do that, and you will very quickly sabotage yourself and any potential for a friendship or dating relationship with any of the women in that pool. You will in fact most likely need to start all over again with your pool of friends.
I used to let women get to me as well. In other words, it would tear me apart and mess with my head sometimes for months when I would break up with a girl. I'd throw the pity parties where nobody but myself was invited, I'd call the girls and cry, and look like a big weenie. I finally came to realize however, just like with my understanding that I am attractive to many women out there, that this does me no good. I do not need a woman in my life to be happy. It is fun to have a girlfriend, but I dont need one to survive. Having a large pool of female friends also helps me in this area. I've always got someone to talk to who can be a 'shoulder' to cry on, or someone who can say "ya know, I know so and so who just broke up with her boyfriend, lets all go out on such and such night and maybe you two will hit it off". Having a lot of female friends can do so much for a guy. Word of mouth goes a LONG way. If youre known as the cool, confident, sweet guy that anyone can rely on...you never have anything to worry about. Women talk, and when they think highly of a guy they let their girlfriends, and their girlfriends' girlfriends know about him.
I've been the jealous, insecure type before, and it's not a good way to be. It's not good for you long term mentally either. You will push more women away from you being the insecure, jealous/posessive type. Some women may like this type of guy, but most dont. They dont want to feel like they need to be careful with everything they do or say around other people. Nobody wants to feel that way. I'm sure you would frown on a woman for being that way with you. Sometimes checking out the 'self help' area of your local bookstore can help. However it doesnt work for everyone. Sometimes a person just needs to learn how to be as a person from living life. Some people learn, and adapt their personality and change for the better (survival of the fittest ring a bell?), and many do not.
I have a 'problem' some guys would love to have I'm sure. It took me a long time to realize this for myself, but I am in fact a good looking man. I had to embrace this concept before I realized it for myself. Not to say that you cannot be attractive to women without actually being a 'good looking' guy. The only thing a lot of these male celebrities have on me as far as so called 'looks' is usually a better hair stylist, more money, and the fact that the media has hyped them up as "the sexiest man on TV", the year, or whatever. That actor guy ...the 40 something year old that plays the "plumber" on the now popular show "Desperate Housewives" comes to my mind, as he is in fact a VERY average looking guy.
Back to my "problem". Since I have embraced the fact that I find myself attractive...and so do many members of BOTH sexes, I have become a lot more confident and outgoing. I know this because I have gone to gay clubs with friends (male and female) and I usually get hit on several times. This doesnt bug me because I'm very secure with who I am, I in fact find it very flattering, and a boost to my ego because it only re-enforces the fact that I know that I am an attractive guy.
I have no issues with talking to women that I find attractive when I choose to. I no longer have sweaty palms, or a fear of what 'she might say'. I get along with both sexes, but I PREFER women as friends. Most of the phone numbers in my cell phone address book belong to female friends. I can have friendships with women which are nothing more than friendships. On the other hand, it can be a very good thing to have a large pool of friends of the opposite sex, because if I become single I can dig into this 'pool' and have someone new to talk to and potentially develop a new relationship with.
The key being not to turn yourself into a "man whore" and have several short lived sexual relationships with every other one of your female friends. You do that, and you will very quickly sabotage yourself and any potential for a friendship or dating relationship with any of the women in that pool. You will in fact most likely need to start all over again with your pool of friends.
I used to let women get to me as well. In other words, it would tear me apart and mess with my head sometimes for months when I would break up with a girl. I'd throw the pity parties where nobody but myself was invited, I'd call the girls and cry, and look like a big weenie. I finally came to realize however, just like with my understanding that I am attractive to many women out there, that this does me no good. I do not need a woman in my life to be happy. It is fun to have a girlfriend, but I dont need one to survive. Having a large pool of female friends also helps me in this area. I've always got someone to talk to who can be a 'shoulder' to cry on, or someone who can say "ya know, I know so and so who just broke up with her boyfriend, lets all go out on such and such night and maybe you two will hit it off". Having a lot of female friends can do so much for a guy. Word of mouth goes a LONG way. If youre known as the cool, confident, sweet guy that anyone can rely on...you never have anything to worry about. Women talk, and when they think highly of a guy they let their girlfriends, and their girlfriends' girlfriends know about him.