Guys I need help....

I have been losing sleep over this...I am currently dating the most amazing woman ever, unfortunately, she lost her virginity a month before we started dating to some guy she didn't care about at all. I have a very difficult time with this because I wanted to wait for someone I loved and thus I lost my virginity to her. I was friends with her during the time that she was with this guy and she told me she couldn't stand him and that she believed in waiting for marriage to have sex......It was very misleading when I learned a month into our relationship that they had sex.

I really want to know the details, but I am really afraid to talk to her about it. I have brought it up before and she was offended. I feel like I really missed out on something invaluable that was given to someone who didn't deserve it. Guys I'm not sure if I can get past this........What should I do??
This is a terrible feeling.

gonzo777;293175 said:

I have been losing sleep over this...I am currently dating the most amazing woman ever, unfortunately, she lost her virginity a month before we started dating to some guy she didn't care about at all. I have a very difficult time with this because I wanted to wait for someone I loved and thus I lost my virginity to her. I was friends with her during the time that she was with this guy and she told me she couldn't stand him and that she believed in waiting for marriage to have sex......It was very misleading when I learned a month into our relationship that they had sex.

I really want to know the details, but I am really afraid to talk to her about it. I have brought it up before and she was offended. I feel like I really missed out on something invaluable that was given to someone who didn't deserve it. Guys I'm not sure if I can get past this........What should I do??
This is a terrible feeling.

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Your not missing nothing, taking a womens virginity can be bloody and very unsatisfying for the man, hell one chick I could not even get it in frustrating or what.

Gonzo, my advice is to either give IT up, or give HER up. No one can own a piece of another person. Much as it may distress you; that tiny tear in her hymen was hers to keep or give away as she felt fit. Whether she now regrets it or not. The past is just that: passed and can never be reclaimed, only dealt with and learned from. You can't change what has already happened.

You can only change how YOU CHOOSE to deal with it.
All we ever really own is our decisions.

Fifty years from now when you two are playing with your great-grandchildren will you even remember her virginity?

Good luck to ya both.

MAXAMEYES;293178 said:

Fifty years from now when you two are playing with your great-grandchildren will you even remember her virginity?

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No but the guy who took her virginity will!

Gonzo,well you said it youself that you were waiting to have sex untill you met someone you loved and you did and you lost yours.


You have her now that's all that should matter.

I slept with a virgin and guess what? It wasn't that great it was more psychological then anything. It hurt her and she wouldn't have sex with me for a few weeks after that.

They sex is better when she is worn in anyways and love is there.

I don't see why you are complaining.

Well it bothers me because I hate having to think of her with another guy. Especially something as intimate as losing her virginity to this guy. I hate feeling that I might be compared to him. I was just 1 month too late and it's very frustrating, especially if we do end up spending the rest of our lives together. I just didn't see it coming and when she told me, it took some time to set in. She regrets it and I feel that I am paying for her mistake. Do you guys think I should talk to her about it or just go through it myself??
Thanks alot your comments have been really helpful.

What's in her past belongs to her and it's none of your business... you can ask about it but it will just make things worse, not better. If you can't deal with her past then move on... realize that she doesn't owe you anything for the choices she made before you were her man.

gonzo777;293186 said:

Well it bothers me because I hate having to think of her with another guy. Especially something as intimate as losing her virginity to this guy. I hate feeling that I might be compared to him. I was just 1 month too late and it's very frustrating, especially if we do end up spending the rest of our lives together. I just didn't see it coming and when she told me, it took some time to set in. She regrets it and I feel that I am paying for her mistake. Do you guys think I should talk to her about it or just go through it myself??
Thanks alot your comments have been really helpful.

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How old are you, you sure you old enough to be on this board. I seriously think you should just forget it before you upset her to much and lose her.

Pandora;293192 said:

How old are you, you sure you old enough to be on this board. I seriously think you should just forget it before you upset her to much and lose her.

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so glad you ask that i was thinking the same thing

Pandora is right this guy must be young. It doesn't matter what she did in her past. You don't see her worried about your past. You should be happy she only banged one guy before you. It's nearly impossible to find a girl that would only have sex with one guy her entire life, even if you were first. Insecure guys are worried about situations like this.

I totally understand how you feel as this is what I believed I'd do when I was younger.

Many thoughts cross your mind such as that one chance to have such an intimate moment with her that you didn't get but rather someone else, it's a one time thing that he had, not you. Well, it is very hard to capture it in words, but I've been through nearly the same experience, I wasn't very young actually, it was 2 years ago (I was 18) but I suppose it was due to cultural background and the whole virginity thing, long story short, I know how you exactly feel.

Anyway man, You can't change the past, I know that's obvious and goes without saying, and you're here to hear something else but you won't. If you can't accept someone with their past then you shouldn't be with that one, you can't change what happened. Would you rather be the asshole who took her virginity and left her after a month for some other guy to spend his life with her, than be that guy yourself? Virginity is over-rated, and losing it for girls is not like guys, it's most likely a bad experience.

When a virgin date someone who is not, it usually includes such awkward feelings because you haven't slept with someone else yourself, but if you do you'll understand it's over-rated if you didn't have so much emotion. Also she clearly seem to hate his guts so it's safe to assume it was a shitty experience, Unless she had sex with him despite being fully aware she doesn't like him and he's an asshole for the sake of sex, then maybe you should reconsider if you want to be with a girl like that, but I highly doubt it, she's with you now for a good reason.

Of course you you have no way of knowing this right now, but trust me when I say (and I believe everyone in here will agree) that the best is yet to come.
Taking someone's virginity is a very intimate moment, but it's not easy to make it a "perfect" moment. That's why it rarely is. It depends on so many external things that escape your control. So don't feel so bad for that incident.

In fact, you may be gaining something, because now, when you two get to make love, she won't be as worried about how things will go as if she were a virgin, and she can focus more on the pleasure of it instead of how hurt she can get.

Just put it behind your back, move one, and appreciate the fact that she has a bit more experience than you. Learn what she may have to teach you, trust her, and when you're both at the same level, start learing together. That's the best of it