afterwards

i know kittie is probably going to read this, she's a lurker now....whatever. i just thought that we could get a thread on survival after a break up. a BRUTAL break up. now. i did move on, ,i have a woman as luda would say "a lady in the street but a freak in the bed" she is willing to fulfil every fantasy of mine...thank GOD! she's a sweety, i can't ask for more

i don't know if it's normal or not, but now i see pics of kittie and me in the past, all happy and shit...and all i can think about it how pissed off i am now after the way things worked out the way they did. maybe because i feel its unresolved? there is no love left...i can say that firmly and clearly...yet i cus out the pictures of us by the beach and hugging on the couch. i trace back my steps and wonder "what the hell went wrong". was it me? was it her? did i try hard enough? did she know that i loved her with all my heart? did i show it enough? she believes that i cheated on her, and she even told my new girl about it and made her nervus about me and my other girl friends. there was so much love between kittie and i, how the HELL could she think that i cheated on her? she says she got a copy of an instant message from one of the former members of MOS with me saying that i cheated on her. i had a feeling that the tool would have said somethin to her, so i led him on, told him some shit and he fed into it. she came back at me full guns blazing and yelled at me for cheating on her. and she asked if it was true, i told her the truth, and she kept on bashin me. i basically cut off all ties with her now, if she cant understand that i wouldn't be the type to cheat on her then she NEVER understood where i was coming from in the relationship.

Back when i first started Penis Enlargement and was on CC i was runnin my mouth off, saying all these girls were hot and joking bout what i should do to them. she ended up reading it and was upset about it. that was 3 years ago! yet that came up as a key point durring the argument. i told her that i was getting some attention i have never had before (seeing how i was basically home schooled from 7th grade to the 11th grade due to my epilepsy preventing me from even standing up letting alone going to school)..and i fed into what everyone was saying on the site. i appologized like crazy to her. she said she understood, and i stopped, and i realized that Penis Enlargement is not talkin shit about who you can bang or whatever (it's fun) but it'snot what it's about. oh and did i forget to mention that her father wouldn't let me see her durring that year because he found out that i'm bi racial and didn't want her dating a "nigger"???

anyway, i cut off all ties to kittie. i believe that she can think what she can, i'm done with it all. wash my hands clean. idk why i had the urge to pin this thread up. maybe because i know she's going ot read it?...and definately because i know that many of us had ugly break ups. and idk, if it's raw or wanna vent or give advice or whatever, i thought that it would be a good spot to talk about it. it would be great to hear other stories. if you post up great, if not thanks for reading.

later

I can totally relate to what you are saying.

A couple days ago my ex asked me to make her a cd with all the pics and videos of her dancing (she dances afro) plus "all other you have". So I said you want our pictures together and she said yeah.

So there I was, sitting at my pc watching all our pictures, happy here and there, kissing, on vacations, up in the mountains, down in the beach, everywhere so fucking happy. We have beautiful videos together, and even "private" pictures we took on some special ocasions, and she is so beautifull too...

I just don't know how I feel. I am now living with my current girl and I do love her, sex is great, plus she is so much better as a whole than my ex. But still, she got me thinking about her and us and feeling all nostalgic.

I can't say I don't know what happened though. We broke up about a year ago when she couldn't stand my heavy drinking on every party we went. She would literally have to carry me back every time. Of course I worked on that and totally overcame it after our breakup, but it was too late. She was with a couple guys in that time and I just couldn't take her back afterwards. I was so hurt and sad, worst times ever. Eventually, I got interested in my current girl and asked her out. Only then my ex came crying to me wanting to get back together, but it was too late for her then.

Still, I don't think I will ever be totally over her. I loved her so much, so fucking much. She was my princess, my everything. I see her regularly at college and I know we will never be just friends. It is uncomfortable but good talking to her and I notice her always looking at me when I'm around. I also can't resist watching her when she is around. Now with the pictures, I'm sure she knew the effect it would have on me. I know the same will happen to her too.

It sucks to still have these feelings but you can't fight these things. I know time will not make it go away. Or maybe it will, but it will take a LOT of time.

Anyway, I am not one to post my life and all, but there you go, for whatever it's worth.

She thinks Chi is sexy! Alright Chi you sweety!:clank: :cheers: :snoozingb :hanging: :clap:

Chi said:

Anyway, I am not one to post my life and all, but there you go, for whatever it's worth.

Click to expand...

it never entered my mind that it would be so hard fo rpeople to talk about it lol....*hits myself in the head* duhhh

well thanks for sharing, it helps to know that you're in the same situation, makes me feel like it is normal to have this happening. well not normal but not ...abnormal. i haven't seen her since i saw those pictures and everything again, i keep bumping into them it's like i could never find em and then now it's over theyr'e EVERYWHERE. i can't just deal with her again, she asked when i'm going to go pick up some of my books i left at her house. (one of them is very important and will help me to achieve my dream job), and i told her that she should just mail it, idk if she is but whatever. it's in her hands, i'm nervus about that but i think she wouldn't do anything to it...i'd like to think that i know her well enough to know that.

and whatyou said about the huge time that is needed to get over it? yeahhh i'm feelin that. maybe that's why i got so pissed at her, one day we're healing..i find interest in my new girl (still conflicted though, i couldn't just go back to kittie because i knew that things hadn't really changed in most situations) and started to try to start something up with her. kittie knew about what was going on..and so one day i get the news she's hanging out with a guy..then 3 days later i find out that the guy is living with her. then i knew that they were going out or at least fooling around and i knew i was being lied to by her. i know that she was just trying to make it so i didn't hurt. she knows me well, and i can see why she would do that, she's nice like that. however when i found out i just exploded, said some things...we both said some things...and that made for an ugly break up, a little combo of me and her. it's amazing, a year ago we were engaged and inlove and now it's such the opposite. i can't even look at her pictures without feeling sad..and then betrayed, angry then quickly back to sad.

i feel your pain..god do i. even worse, i know that if she even knew what i was talking about she would probably just be confuzed, then angry because i am making it complicated and then i will seem like the asshole. but then again it does help for me to hear about other stories, i hope it helps whoever is going through this same type thing too. thanks for the reply, i hope to hear some more.

Which book are you speaking of?

it's a comic tryout book. i wanna be a comic artist and this book has the pages and adresses needed to send in your art to the proper people. i can find it online again if i need to. so it's not like i can't get another one if i don't see this one again.

Tough break. Hope it works out.

thanks