Why does this happen?

[bluetard117]

Why does this happen, that someone who told me we should just be friends, why am I still feeling the same for her as I did six months ago?

 

[DLD]

What do you mean? That your feeling have changed for her and you want to be more than friends?

 

[Shion]

You don't STOP having feelings for someone just because they don't share them. It's who you are. That can't change unless there's some kind of outside influence. In my experience, those who have changed their feelings have only changed it after something happens in their life that causes them to redirect their attention. Believe me. After a 3 year long relationship with this one woman, someone who decided to call it quits after lying to me and not investing in anything relationship-wise that she said she would, all of my dreams were crushed. Though still inside, after 10 months of no contact and clear signs she will never look back, my non-logical side says she's still the only woman I could want. The only time I don't feel that is when I'm preoccupied.
Though you may not have been in a relationship with this person; you didn't specify. But the best I can say is to preoccupy yourself with other things as much as you can so that you can stop thinking about it. Though who's to say this friendship is giving you pluses if you feel that deep pull each time you see her? Especially if she's with someone else that you see whenever that happens?

 

[DLD]

You don't STOP having feelings for someone just because they don't share them. It's who you are. That can't change unless there's some kind of outside influence. In my experience, those who have changed their feelings have only changed it after something happens in their life that causes them to redirect their attention. Believe me. After a 3 year long relationship with this one woman, someone who decided to call it quits after lying to me and not investing in anything relationship-wise that she said she would, all of my dreams were crushed. Though still inside, after 10 months of no contact and clear signs she will never look back, my non-logical side says she's still the only woman I could want. The only time I don't feel that is when I'm preoccupied.
Though you may not have been in a relationship with this person; you didn't specify. But the best I can say is to preoccupy yourself with other things as much as you can so that you can stop thinking about it. Though who's to say this friendship is giving you pluses if you feel that deep pull each time you see her? Especially if she's with someone else that you see whenever that happens?

I am starting to really enjoy your posts...GOOD WORK!

 

[bluetard117]

Ok, I wrote this a while ago, Septemberish, when I was more upset about all this. Not that I'm still not upset, but still.



Ok, here goes.
There is a girl in Chicago that I really fell hard for. Basically, I don’t think I’ve felt like this about anyone else. A friend of mine, who used to go to my school, moved to Texas and introduced me to her online when I was having a shitty moment last January.
I know, I know, online relationships =shit, but I would have worked my ass off to make this one work. Anyway, we got pretty close over the course of January to June, when I went off to interlochen for a month and a half.
On the way up to camp, I got to meet her in person for the first time. I can’t say I've been that happy in a long time. She saw it, her mom saw it, and my mom saw it, so yeah. At camp, I called her up one day and she said, "Hey, my mom told me today that you're the kind of guy to keep around for a long time! Like, a REALLY long time!" I knew what she was implying and I agreed with her that I liked the idea a hell of a lot, so she was happy about that.
About the time after I started camp, she met this old friend that had come over from the UK. Since all she did during the summer was work, then come home and take care of her baby brother all day, she told me later that she needed something to do during the summer or she would’ve lost it, so she starts hanging out with this guy relatively often at that point.
So on so forth, and when I got home, I found my dog had cancer, so chances are I won’t see her at Christmas. I was angry and sad, and I kind of brushed the girl off for a period of a few weeks.
So, she thought, "He's losing interest in me and being a jerk in the process, and this other guy is here, so let’s go with him instead of trying to work it out with Ben." She told me that she wanted to be just friends, but maybe something more later, effectively putting me in limbo, and also not telling me about this other guy at the same time.
She’s been in two fights in one month with this guy, where she was in two with me over 5 months, about stuff that wasn’t that serious. She answered a text message to a guy friend and her bf got pissed off that she responded and started yelling at her. She calls me up that night saying she doesn’t know about him anymore, so on so forth, and the next day, everything is hunky dory and fine. When I finally did tell her about the dogs situation, and why I was so upset over that, which made my reaction over her so much more upset. After she said she still loved me as a friend, she said, "Well, he isn’t as tall as you, his hands aren’t as big, and your voice is like no one else’s." and then at that point it sounded like she was having second thoughts about him as well.

So that got my hopes up for a while, and then, whenever he’s is back in the UK, she says that maybe I can visit during Christmas, because that had been an idea for a while, and it was something I had wanted to do.

I can’t stand being "just friends" with this girl; I love her too much for that.

One of her friends said that she was treating his feelings like shit because he said if she needed an out from the bf that she could go to him and she basically told him the same thing she told me about friends now, maybe more later. And when she told me that, I told her the same thing, about feeling like I was being treated like crap.

And then a breaking update from around the middle of January. I was bored, so I looked up the girl on Facebook, and you know how the name comes up when you get half or so of it in? It didn't show up, so she had deleted me. I called her and asked her why, and the guy in the UK had made a facebook, and saw that her and I were still friends on FB, so he broke it off with her because of that. So I talked to her best friend about it, which was a stupid mistake, and said something along the lines " hurr hurr he broke it off with her because we were still friends LOL". I have no idea what the guy looks like, other than hes about 5'10" and 20 years old, or what he has going for him, or anything, but I know he was jealous from what the girl told me. Anyway, best friend tells girl, shitstorm ensues, she doesnt talk to me for a few weeks, and I send a card asking for forgiveness.
3 weeks later I get a text from her saying "Maybe". I talked to her saturday morning via text, and she stated that whatever feelings she may have had for me should be put off because she loves this guy. Interestingly enough, she has told me multiple times when shes been drinking something at family parties, that she loves me, or has catch herself from saying anything in favor of me. Another interesting note, after she got into a car accident last november, guess who she calls first right after her father? Me. Or, why did she get concerned when I invited a girl I knew over on christmas eve on the pretense of getting laid, why did she get upset when I lied to her about that nothing would happen that night?
Massive freakin' "I dunno" face here.

What the fuck guise. I really can't view her as just a friend. If there ever was the one that got away, this is it. Shes not the most physically attractive girl, but damn, her, as a person, I can't describe.
So this is how I've been feeling about her since late August. Advice?

 

[DLD]

Are you sure that you want this girl or is it because you can't have her you want her more?

 

[bluetard117]

Are you sure that you want this girl or is it because you can't have her you want her more?

You know, it might be a combination of both, I'm not sure. I'll have to look into that.

 

[DLD]

You know, it might be a combination of both, I'm not sure. I'll have to look into that.

I know for myself, when I can't have something I want it more. be sure what you wish for as you just might get it.

 

[bluetard117]

I know for myself, when I can't have something I want it more. be sure what you wish for as you just might get it.

I understand what you're driving at. I think it is a matter of wanting something I can't have, so I've set my sights on people that are here, at my school, and the girl in Chicago now seems a lot more distant.

I think I miss her most when I'm alone and not actively thinking of something else, or thinking up old memories.

 

[DLD]

Ultimately someone else can not make you happy, you need to be happy for yourself. This is such a hard thing to accomplish because we are brougt up believing our happiness is due to outward influence but in actuality it is not. Situations do not matter, only your state of being matters. Learning to let go is vital to happiness. Strangely enough, the things we want most we hold back from ourselves but they key to getting these things IS letting go. I think some people see letting go as giving up but this is not true, letting go means allowing the things we want most to come to us.

 

[bluetard117]

Ultimately someone else can not make you happy, you need to be happy for yourself. This is such a hard thing to accomplish because we are brougt up believing our happiness is due to outward influence but in actuality it is not. Situations do not matter, only your state of being matters. Learning to let go is vital to happiness. Strangely enough, the things we want most we hold back from ourselves but they key to getting these things IS letting go. I think some people see letting go as giving up but this is not true, letting go means allowing the things we want most to come to us.

Thank you. I really appreciate it.
It's odd, over the last week, I've met more girls in the last week than I did the entire previous semester, so thats a start in the right direction of moving on. Although when I'm tired, and by myself, my thoughts seem to revert back to her.

 

[bluetard117]

Thanks guys. The thought of her does come back and hit me once in a while, and today was another one of those days. But you know what? Then I go grab something to drink, get a bite to eat and go sit down with some lovely young lady at lunch and I feel right as reign again.

And then I do Penis Enlargement before I go to bed, so I get to finish off my day with a huge hang!

 

[DLD]

Thank you. I really appreciate it.
It's odd, over the last week, I've met more girls in the last week than I did the entire previous semester, so thats a start in the right direction of moving on. Although when I'm tired, and by myself, my thoughts seem to revert back to her.

That is very normal and you know what? Those feelings will remain with you...Love is a strange thing but keep in mind that if you obsess too much on her you may lose the opportunity to be with your REAL soul mate.

 

[bluetard117]

That is very normal and you know what? Those feelings will remain with you...Love is a strange thing but keep in mind that if you obsess too much on her you may lose the opportunity to be with your REAL soul mate.

At least I know I'm not the only one. I talked to her a little bit on Wednesday, and what was odd was that the rest of the day felt light and cheery. Some days, it just feels good to talk to her, and actually converse, since we both talk a lot about the same thing, and we both have a strange sense of humor.
I know I shouldnt talk to her every day, in order to move on, but still, I miss the person I used to converse with so easily. Even though the guy in the UK decided to lift the moratorium restricting her contacting me at all, I still don't feel like I should talk to her, partly because I know he dislikes me, for certain reasons, and the fact I'd like to move on eventually.
I still find it interesting, that she told me she likes certain things about me. My voice, my height, my hand size, the like.

Meh.

 

[bluetard117]

Just a note to everyone, I'm finally over this girl, she hates my guts, and I have no hard feelings toward her.