What would you guys do in my situation?

[BIGPimpin]

Aight you guys im sure saw the thread where i asked about what movies to go out on a date on. Well tonight i hung out with the girl, tlaked that sort of thing. Well i called her afterwards to discuss the plans tomorow and she said she thinks its better to just hang out again with all of our friends like we did tonight. She says its because she just got out of a relationship about a month ago. Now i knew this from her firends and a couple of my own. This guy was her first "real deal" and he cheated on her but she never bork up till a little over a month or so ago. well i me her about 2-3 weeks after it all went down and my friends and hers filled me in on it all. Before i even though t about dating this girl i knew she was hurt real bad and was getting over it. Then tonight she told me what i previously mentioned and that she didnt want a relationship and to go through all that again atleast not now. Well my question is what do you guys think of the situation? I really like this girl and all and dont know whtehr to just wait it out and see if i cant work something out or just say fuck it, accept friends and move on. What would you all do in my case? Mind you like i said i knew about this whole ex-boyfriend and the full situation so i know its not BS. Any input is appreciated
and yes i am a little upset you know? Kinda sad and dissappointed

 

[Kazan]

Even if you were able to convince her to give you a chance she's still rebounding, so it would be an uphill battle at best, especially when she doesn't want to. Frankly, if she doesn't want to get involved with someone then she shouldn't have to and most likely can't right now, especially with circumstances like hers.

 

[thebug]

stuff it man.. i was in something like you mentioned a few months back... and you end up getting cut and annoyed because you soon figure out the bird has head issues because she just got out of a relationship....

 

[Dashdeming]

Be friends only. The very best thing you can do is to not pursue her at all and just be indifferent. Most likely she will then start pursuing you and you will have the balls in your court. It is best for a man to act like a bull lest he be treated like a cow.

 

[TheExecutioner]

I really like this girl and all and dont know whtehr to just wait it out and see if i cant work something out or just say fuck it, accept friends and move on. What would you all do in my case?

I would do the latter of what you suggested. At the end of the day, regardless of what has happned with an ex if she loved you then what has happened really wouldn't matter. It is obvious she still likes her previous bf and hasn't got over losing him yet so I guess she doesn't think of you in the way you would like her too.
This is how I would see it if it was me.
All the best bro.

 

[samzman]

just be friends for now, if that's all you are then hey you gained a friend, if she ends up pursuing you later then that will make the relationship stronger...at least from my experience it helps

 

[sikdogg]

I say move on... for now. I don't believe in becoming friends in your situation cuz you risk becoming stuck in the "friend zone" and lose all chances of hitting it. I think you should just back off a bit and don't hang around much. You can keep in touch, but keep a certain distance and don't go out with her 'til she ready to date again. Just a friendly "hi how r u doing" and that's all. If you really like her, keep tabs on her but DO NOT become her next boy "girlfriend."

 

[Texan]

I say move on... for now. I don't believe in becoming friends in your situation cuz you risk becoming stuck in the "friend zone" and lose all chances of hitting it. I think you should just back off a bit and don't hang around much. You can keep in touch, but keep a certain distance and don't go out with her 'til she ready to date again. Just a friendly "hi how r u doing" and that's all. If you really like her, keep tabs on her but DO NOT become her next boy "girlfriend."

I AGREE 100%. This is EXACTLY the response I was going to write until I read sikdogg. He speaks truth, man. If you want to get with her in the future (as something besides her gay friend), follow sik's advice to the letter.

 

[Jareth]

Need help on that issue let me give u a real issue man. I have a girlfriend for 2 yrs never cheated love her to death sound like a problem no OK here than. Where i work ive became very tight with a girl there. She's smart, beautiful, and absolutly perfect. I have absolutly fallen in love with this girl like literaly. I would do anything for her in the whole wide world. This is the first time i have ever told anybody this. Anyways this didn't happen overnight before i even got the job my friend told me she was awesome and i liked her before i even knew her. Once i got to know her I really fell in love guys. I can't get this girl off my mind Iam fuckin 23 and havent had feelins for a girl like this in 7 yrs 7yrs. She is like my dream girl you know the one that makes ur stomach ache everytime you see her Yeah thats her. She has just recently got a BF but has told me she's attracted to me and has shown intrest for probly a yr. We flirt all the time. I just feel like such an asshole because i really really like this girl but my girl is great also and almost feel like iam cheating. I dream about this girl, and almost cry because i dont know what to do. In one way i wanna get what i want so bad, but in another i don't wanna fuck up a good thing with my girlfriend. I went out with people from work last night including her and her BF but i could hardly even look at her or talk to her because the only thing i could think of doin was grabbin her and huggin her. I know this will sound weird but i don't even wanna fuck her, i just wanna hold this girl and be close to her thats how much i like her. Her BF is a dam Bruiser but i would take a beat down from him and anybody tougher just to be with her. Than here is the worst part i just quite my job for a new one so i wont get to see her much which hurts really bad, but it makes my chances better of being with her b/c she is a no work relationship type of girl. I told her i was workin somewhere else with a you know "hint hint" we can date didn't say that though but she got the biggest smile on her face and red she likes me what to do huh

 

[iwant8inches]

I would do the latter of what you suggested. At the end of the day, regardless of what has happned with an ex if she loved you then what has happened really wouldn't matter. It is obvious she still likes her previous bf and hasn't got over losing him yet so I guess she doesn't think of you in the way you would like her too.
This is how I would see it if it was me.
All the best bro.

That's what I was thinking and if it was her first true relationship then chances are the bastard and she will get back together at some point. Unless she has said something substantially otherwise. Be her friend. At the least you'll gain a friend and at the worst you'll never be with her the way you wanted. But who knows friends get it on form time to time...depending on the situation (you know better than anyone on this forum) just do what you feel is appropriate. I'd say proceed with caution, but if the chance comes up at least kiss her...who knows what that kiss could lead to?

 

[sikdogg]

She sounds more hurt than anything else, but she could still have feelings for her ex. In either case, she's pretty much told him that she's not ready to move on and he's hanging around to become a friend is a little pathetic in my opinion. My experience with women has been that they've become my friends after i f'd them, not before. I think that being a nice guy and a friend to a chick before having sex puts you right in the middle of the "friends zone." Yes i'm sure that there have been guys that have successfully broken out of the "friend zone" but it doesn't happen often and the odds are against him. Another thing is that if he makes a move too soon after she told him that she's not ready, he'll just appear as a horny SOB that's just out for one thing. He's best bet is to be friendly and keep his distance, when she's ready to date again he'll have first dibs on her. The strongest move he can make is to take a date the next time they all get together as "friends."

Jareth, you need to man up and make a decision... do you want your current gf or the new girl. If you want you current gf, then forget about the new girl. If you truely love this new girl as you say, then dump your gf. Life is about making a decision and sticking to it. Pick which girl you want and make your play...

 

[AnotherGuy]

Well the first problem is the movie date, movie date's shouldn't be done until the 3rd or fourth date. 1st date should be something active, go to a bar with a live band, play pool, go bowling, indoor rock climbing, casino...something active and keep the convo rolling, charm her but don't be pushy or come off desperate. 2nd date can be with friends...a dance club, dinner with everyone, chill at someone's house, pool party...show u can charm her friends too, not into their pants...just so they like you. 3rd date you can pull off a movie, dinner for 2, something romantic and hopefully some bedtime afterwards Most of all be confident. But movie date's are a bad idea for a 1st date, mainly because you're not getting to know her...you're sitting in a dark theatre unable to talk to her, and on a 1st date she wants to talk to you and find out who u are. Girls want to have fun, so be fun and show them some...it pays off in the end

 

[55chevy]

Some good advise on this topic already but I say if you hang around make sure she knows you want to be more than friends. Don't tell her she has to hurry but make sure she knows you're not going to be there forever waiting for her to change her mind. Whatever you do don't be a shoulder for her to cry on and a person for her to tell all her problems to. That can only lead to the friends only catagory. If you really like her she is worth a little time and effort. How much time and effort depends on how much you really like her and how things progress. Make sure you are like a rock. Be totally honest and don't give her even the slightest reason to not trust you 100%. Dude, she's a young female. She don't know what she really wants. You can make her want anything you want to if you play your cards right.

 

[BIGPimpin]

I noticed a few of you said that if she loved me she wouldnt let it come in the way. Like i said i havent known her too long and when i met her was roughly 2-3 weeks after they broke up. We've been hanging out every weekend since and the date was just so we could be alone for once. I definitely agree about the no movie date thing BUT where i live there is nothing else. Not even minigolf if i wanted to or anything like that. Anyway a good tihng i guess you could say is that she wanted us to just hang out like we have been doing lately. Well she wanted me to call her and find out what her, her friends, and a couple of my frineds from her town were doing so i could join them. Well she ended up showing up where i was (knew because I told her that i didnt really want to head her way and that i was gonna be at this party) and she kinda surprised me by showing up out of nowhere with my friiend and his GF. Didnt talke much (shes quiet, very quiet which is another obstacle) because she though i would feel uncomfortable having her there. Well then me and my friend left to take my truck home and get my car and on the way he was telling me about his gf and we got to talking about things and i asked him if he thought she really wasnt ready or that she just wasnt interested in me. I figured he would be a very good source since her mom allowed him and his brother to live there for about a year because they had no place to go. Anyway he said she definitely is not ready and hasnt gotten back to her normal self yet. Also half way to my house they called us so we went back and picked them up and went back to my hosue and then just chilled for a while. Only downside is that he told me she talked to her ex a couple times duringthe week before but it was just a chance thing and it kinda eased her.
Im definitely not gonna become her next "boy girlfriend" ill drop it before that happens. I do plan to distance myself and call maybe like once a week if that. Probably only time ill see her will be if she is by chance with my friends GF when i go over to his house to hang with him or if they come my way.
I thank you for all the advice and look forward to anymore that may come my way

 

[Jareth]

Jareth, you need to man up and make a decision... do you want your current gf or the new girl. If you want you current gf, then forget about the new girl. If you truely love this new girl as you say, then dump your gf. Life is about making a decision and sticking to it. Pick which girl you want and make your play...

Easier said than done for me man. Wish i could just make a decision and be happy with it. Sure i know if i pick the new chick I could be more happy or on the other hand unhappy. But the two issues are If i don'
t pick the new girl than i will always wonder what if.. If i do pick the new girl than I know i broke off a already very good thing and if the girl doesn't workout than im fucked. I feel for peoples feelings and would hate to also break my gal's heart by telling her the only reason i dumped her was because of another girl.

 

[sikdogg]

Bro, it sounds like you haven't found the right girl yet... if you're just staying with your current girl cuz things are good and you don't want to hurt her then you still have alot of growing to do. If she's not the right one for you, you're gonna have to break it of eventually. You'd rather lead her on for a few more years 'til you finally decide that another girl is for you. How much harder do you think you'll break her heart then versus now?? The longer you wait to break it off, the worse it will be for her.

 

[BIGPimpin]

Any other comments on my last statement?

 

[mrdstone]

Hey, Bigpimpin,

here are my thoughts on all of this. I case you might take things personal - don't. She has just not returned to normal and no other guy would have a chance right now.

Going forward, I guess is most interesting. As you correctly mentioned, this boy girlfriend thing might or has already happened. This is a tricky thing - I assume she likes being around you but, it might also mean that she believes their is no "encounter" she needs to expect from you. Well , latter, would be bad for future real dating.

I would not get into any discussions about her personal situation, you know what I mean. This qualifies you as her best boy girlfriend. Let others do the job.

Be nice to her when ever you see her, have fun. Best think I guess is, if you can make her feel good or have fun whenever she is arround you - sort of distracting from her problems.

Hope this helps
MRD

 

[Jareth]

Bro, it sounds like you haven't found the right girl yet... if you're just staying with your current girl cuz things are good and you don't want to hurt her then you still have alot of growing to do. If she's not the right one for you, you're gonna have to break it of eventually. You'd rather lead her on for a few more years 'til you finally decide that another girl is for you. How much harder do you think you'll break her heart then versus now?? The longer you wait to break it off, the worse it will be for her.

GOOD POINT!!!!