Sometimes married life sucks

[Texan]

I mean big, clamped donkey dicks. I just don't fuckin' get it. I swear to god my wife has to be less physically attracted to me than just about ANY other woman on earth. What the fuck?!? I'm not saying she doesn't love me...she puts up with too much BS from me not to, but goddamn...Take tonite for example...we're sitting around getting ready to go out and eat. She's just gotten out of the shower and picks up my Playboy and lays across the bed on her stomach reading through it while I'm playing football on PS2. I let her read for a few then I put down the game and start massaging her ass, then I start fingering her, then I'm really working her good with my hands, then I take her panties off and tell her to roll over and I do oral until she comes. I've got two big wet spots on the front of my jeans..obvious sign (as if one were needed?!?) that I'm turned on...well she gets dressed and ready to go and I figure I'm in for a reward later, right? Right? Hell Fuck NO! We go eat, come home and watch the shitty movie Timeline and go to bed. She asks 'are you sleepy?' I say not really. She says 'are you wanting to do something?' I say 'only if you're in the mood.' She says 'I could go either way.' We lay there. She says 'why don't we just lay here...' (NO FUCKING JOKE) 'and hold each other?' What the fuck?!? I mean really, WHAT THE FUCK?!? I looked at her and said 'cuz that sucks.' And now I'm in the office typing on [words=http://www.mattersofsize.com/join-now.html]MOS[/words].

My god she would have to know I was horny after eating her out earlier. And she saw and commented on the wet spots on my jeans. She fucking NEVER initiates sex. Never gives me a spontaneous BJ or hand job. I fucking shit you not, if I didn't initiate sex it would happen MAYBE once a fucking month. I swear I don't get it. I know I'm not fucking Brad Pitt but shit, why the fuck is she even with me if I don't turn her on sexually. For fucks sake, she's overweight (quite a bit) but I still find her very sexually attractive and initiate stuff all the time; I tell her she pretty, sexy, all of that. Of course she tells me I'm handsome, but come come on, actions- or should I say INACTIONS speak louder than words. I fucking hate it. It makes me feel like shit, especially when I don't have the highest self-concept in the world to begin with.

But what really puts the stink on the shit is the fact that other girls- girls I fucking can't be with- DO find me attractive. Like the girl at the bar (see my story about the other night), and there's this girl in law school...I actually noticed her as probably the hottest girl in orientation at the beginning of the year...well we ended up studying together and one night she was here (wife was out of town) and she told me she thought I was cute and made it clear that if I wanted to screw she was willing- right then and there. I mean what the hell?!? It makes me hate being married sometime because I love sex and I know I'm not getting any younger.

It's frustrating as shit. I mean I can have sex with the wife pretty much anytime, she's "facilitating," but I want to be with someone who's into it and into me as much as I am into her.

Married guys let me hear from ya, because I need some positive support.

 

[penguinsfan]

Married guys let me hear from ya, because I need some positive support.

Well, I'll chime in for what it's worth. I'm not married. I've never had a girlfriend. I mean, any relationship that amounted to anything. I had a couple quick flings, things I thought were mutual interest but weren't, etc. Put it to you this way: I've never spent one fucking dollar on Valentine's Day. I've shelled out for a number of dates over the years, but I've never bought flowers or chocolates. To me, they suggest feelings that I've never had for a woman and I'm not into leading people on.

What is the point of all that? The point is that I'm 29 years old and my life is an absolute wreck in most every area. Romance has to be right near the top. At some point, it's possible that I might feel the need to marry. After all, I've been told all good men take the plunge someday. My sisters probe into my life to find out why I've got no prospects, as if a fucking look at me wouldn't suffice for an answer. So, I might eventually, just to satisfy expectations and convince myself that I'm normal and average in every aspect, latch onto someone I would regard as less than ideal. If after all the shit to that point, she wasn't even attracted to me, I'd become twice the angry, bitter, cynical man I am, which is saying a lot. So, I feel for you, because I fear that I could someday end up in a similar situation and wake-up each day wondering how I fucked up so bad and how much longer I have to wait till my karma reward is good enough to bring the grim reaper to me.

I looked at her and said 'cuz that sucks.'

For what it's worth, that part of the post brought some comic relief and a smile to me.

I wish you well with this situation.

 

[Texan]

Man, I've read a lot of your posts, and I really respect you thoughts. I hear ya on that whole grim reaper thing...but you know, it's fuckers like us that will probably live to 100.

 

[Ulcasterdropout]

I hear ya on that whole grim reaper thing...but you know, it's fuckers like us that will probably live to 100.

yeah.......

 

[BeBobBox]

How old are you guys? did she used to be in shape? I think it might be that shes overweight and thats bothering her self image. I used to be pretty overweight and I didnt feel good having sex.(insecure) I wouldnt initiate because I would feel insecure during sex blah blah blah on the other hand being in shape I feel great and ready to fuck and dont feel that insecuring anymore... so thats why she might be all not wanting to have sex that much because of her own insecurities... thats just my 2 cents

 

[penguinsfan]

Man, I've read a lot of your posts, and I really respect you thoughts. I hear ya on that whole grim reaper thing...but you know, it's fuckers like us that will probably live to 100.

Glad you get something out of my rambling

Hey, as far as the grim reaper, I'm trying to take numerous steps to improve my life and circumstances, but if this is as good as it gets, there is no point in living. I carry on with the belief it can only get better.

 

[kong1971]

I've been married 10 years. Women are funny. Sometimes my wife would rather do the dishes than fuck, then sometimes she comes up to me and friggin rips my pants off and rapes me.

I have found that my wife seems to have more interest in me if I am more demanding and act like a prick. I know that sounds terrible, but it seems to be true. For instance, when your wife asked if you wanted to do anything, instead of saying, "Only if you want to..." maybe you should have said, "Yeah, I want you to suck my dick and then let me fuck you for about an hour." She's either going to get pissed or laugh and surrender the pink. Regardless, I have found that women want a man...a nasty, sweaty, demanding, masculine and horny man. Not a wishy-washy sensitive guy. No matter what they tell you, or what you see on Oprah, don't be afraid to say, "Put the other jeans on. Those make your ass look fat. The other ones are sexy!"

As far as your wife not wanting you...well, women don't want what they can have. They want what they can't have. Try playing hard to get sometimes, just to perk up her interest. Talk to her, tease her, compliment her, trot around naked in front of her when you get out of the shower, but don't mention or ask for sex. She'll be coming to you for some satisfaction in no time. One thing you can do is shave in the buff with the bathroom door open. For some reason, my wife gets super horny if she sees me naked with my face covered in shaving cream. How much more manly can you get than that!

Earlier in my marriage, I tried to be a nice guy. I tried to do everything they say you're supposed to do to have a healthy and loving relationship. I tried to be the sensitive, nuturing partner. Guess what? It don't fucking work like that.

Be a little more of a caveman. Make her laugh every now and then, keep her self-esteem high, but if she thinks you're just a little bit dangerous, you'll push that little button in her head that makes her think "There's the alpha male. Must fuck him."

 

[Dashdeming]

Kong has it right. Alpha male gets laid a lot. I have always been the dangerous sort of guy and women pursue me for that reason alone. I have found that it is best to swing from sensitive to almost nasty because women like the dangerous factor. All women, married or not, are attracted to the alpha. Marraige is just a human imaginary line we have drawn in the sand but this is no reason not to be the alpha male still. It is all a frame of mind so yes, you too can be the alpha male.

 

[penguinsfan]

This is why Kong has that rough Hell's Angel look in his picture. The guy used to look like someone from the old 90210 series, until he realized the alpha male must come out. lol

 

[levista]

I would debate whether or not you need to be the alpha male to the woman you are married..but regardless,

Texan, your wifes request for hugs speaks volumes, give her more [words=http://TLCTugger.com/MOS]TLC[/words] and warm her up more before moving straight to sex.

Or plan B, talk to her about it all. I dont get why people dont talk to their spouses but will post on an internet board

Good luck mate!

 

[kong1971]

He posted cause she wouldn't give him any. I've been there, too. He was all horny and frustrated and hurt, because she didn't want him the way that he wanted her.

About being an alpha male...of course you have to be one, even with your wife, but that doesn't mean you treat her bad. Alpha males can give hugs and [words=http://TLCTugger.com/MOS]tlc[/words], but you do it in a different, strong and protective way. You wrap her up in your big, strong arms and keep her safe. You don't oppress her, but possess her in a way that makes her feel like the alpha female.

I hope you all understand what I am saying. I'm saying, be dominant instead of wishy-washy, but never, ever treat your woman bad. It's more of a mindset than anything.

 

[jakb]

In other words "speak softly and carry a big stick"

 

[Texan]

Well, we have talked about it before. And I used to be much more alpha early in our relationship, but I've gotten more mellow. As far as the sex goes, we have more frequent, better sex since I've made the effort to be more lovey-dovey...the problem isn't getting sex- she'll do it almost any time I say I want to; the problem for me is that it's always me wanting it, initiating it. She hasn't ever really been sexually aggressive, but I think I'm just letting it get to me now because I do feel like I'm getting older and there are other women who are much more outspoken about sex. I think her weight does play into it some, but even though I'm no 'Brad-Pitt-hung-like-John-Holmes' I still want to get with her all the time, I just don't get why she's not the same. Granted, I still have the sexuallity level of a 17 year old, but still...

And yeah, Kong was right, I'm just frustrated with the situation...I went straight from bed to the internet and posted this last night so I was pretty ticked. Like I said, we have talked and she assures me that it's not me, but, again, inactions speak louder than words. I think I'm just going to go on a no-sex binge. My goal is to make it to the end of the month without doing it with the wife. I'm sure this is not such a good idea nad the shit will hit the fan at some point, but what the hell, I'm bored.

 

[kong1971]

Ever see the movie 40 days and 40 nights?

 

[kausion_420]

If shit does hit the fan I will proudly open my umbrella and solute you.

I hear marriage stories like yours every day at work. Ask me if im ever gettin married? rofl

Ive also heard worse stories than that. At least your wife cares for you and didn't run away with all your belongings like what happened to a mate at my work.

 

[copper_handshak]

I bet if you visit a site like marriagebuilders.com, they have forums like this magnificent creation, you may get some interesting and helpful responses to mull over. No offense but, well in my experience, you can destroy the perfect thing and leave yourself in misery. One day enough really does become enough and they leave. No Joke. You can break a woman by playing games like sex denial and she will leave you. Dieing on the inside all the while. If you love her, ask for it because you need it...need her. She makes you feel wanted by letting you, you make her feel wanted by initiating it.

 

[BeBobBox]

I hear marriage stories like yours every day at work. Ask me if im ever gettin married? rofl

.

your neever gonna get married?

 

[kausion_420]

your neever gonna get married?

nope haha.

Heard too many horror stories from guys who had it good and are now starting all over from scratch because of it.

 

[ladylove]

I don't know what to say.

If she says it isn't you, it probably isn't. She might not be enjoying sex but doesn't know how to tell you. Her weight could also be a problem. She could also be one of those women who thinks it is wrong to initiate sex. You know good girls don't do that type of thing. She could be totally selfish in that department. I really don't know, I am just offering some suggestions.

I say tell her what you told us here. I never would have realized how much it hurt a guy when his partner didn't iniitiate sex or seemed to desire him. I had NO idea it was like this.

 

[kong1971]

Hey, we like to be chased after too sometimes! I don't think women understand how frustrating it can be when you're married and your wife never initiates sex, while at the same time, other women are hitting on you and flirting with you. We want to be good, but it can be so tempting! It you married gals don't treat your man like he's sexy and desirable, than don't bitch when he steps out on you, cause there are plenty of girls who will flirt and even just come right out and say they want to do ya! You don't have to be that way all the time, ladies, but just once in a while, act like you just have to have him and don't take no for an answer! He will feel ten feet tall!

 

[Matt]

Texan,
Without being nosey, how old is your wife. Maybe it is a hormonal thing. Remember that women need testosterone just as much as men when it comes to libido (obviously not as much!!), so myabe her T has been dropping lately?

Just a wild guess, but it may help!

 

[ladylove]

Well now, there is no excuse for cheating. There are plenty of oppurtunities to stop it before it gets to that point. No one controls your behavior but you.

 

[penguinsfan]

Matt brings up a good point. Have you thought of trying some type of herbal or prescription libido enhancement? At least if you sit down and have the conversation with her, you are again reinforcing how much it means to you.

 

[ladylove]

I ws thinking that maybe there is an emotionally connection lost somewhere. For women foreplay starts way before you get to the bedroom. Things like helping around the house and with kids without being asked, shopping with her, and talking to her or uplifitng her. One way a man can get a woman is by talking to her. That is how we are built. If you ever wonder how an ugly guy can have a woman, or how a Pimp can get a woman to hook for him it is what he is saying to her. Or why women fall for the bad guys in general. It is all in the way you talk to her.

I'm not saying you don't do this. Just adding more suggestions.

 

[kong1971]

Maybe I am a prick or something, but I just don't go for all this female domination stuff. I am not romantic. I do not clean the house when I get home from work so that she will MAYBE give me sex. I don't do anything I don't feel like doing. I don't think a pussy is the gold prize you get for being a good little boy, cause I got something just as good.

**************HOWEVER*************

My wife and I have been happily married for 10 years now. We very rarely argue. I would rate our sex life "fantastic". We talk to one another constantly, and that is where I agree with ladylove. Communication is the key. We are best friends. We do not try to control one another. We are both strong willed and independent. We are also a team, and look out for one another.

She loves me because I am stubborn, quiet, independent, loyal, dirty-minded, funny, big, smart and cranky in the morning. I love her because she is sweet, clean, sexy, chatty, caring, busy, indepedent, and quick tempered. Our relationship works because we agreed a decade ago that neither one of us would try to control or change the other, that we would accept each other the way we are.

The thing is, everyone keeps talking about how Texan is doing something wrong, when maybe it is his wife who is. Maybe she is just taking him for granted. Men are so brainwashed into this whole idea of romance, and all it is is a way to keep us tamed and powerless. Don't be taken in by all that crap. I love my wife and would die for her without hesitation, but if she wants me to stay faithful and take care of her, then I got a few needs that have to be taken care of too.

Texan, you're not going to be happy until you stop letting the wifey and her moods run your marriage and take back your 50% of the relationship.

 

[ladylove]

I'm not discounting his wife. I don't know her or her side of the story. I was just offering different perspectives as I think of them. If she were on here sharing her side of the story I'd tell her things she could be doing differently and if she was wrong, I'd tell her. He can't change her, only how he can responds to her.