Searching for love the same as settling?

[Girth Hammer]

First let me say I believe in love but day by day I fell my confidence in that word is on the decline. But I do think you can find the perfect person for you but there are hundreds of mates that fit the mold of "perfect" for another person. After the popularity of sites like match.com and Eharmony.com went through the roof it got me wondering.If you are matched with some one you have already installed in your brain this person is perfect for you before even meeting them.

To me your judgement is completely impaired on what real love is. Dont get me wrong some might find love but other might settling for what the want to believe is love. If you talk to that some person at a grocery store or was introduced through a friend not knowing anything about that person would you two magical fall in love like members of those sites? Probably not but love is blind. But then again love is also a mind game. When you are lead on to believe your going to meet your soulmate, perfect match,etc. how in the hell can you turn that person down? And looking for love instead it just bringing you someone special will make you settle for what ever seems like safe bet at that time. Is searching for love the same as settling?

 

[Girth Hammer]

bump

 

[artflop]

I would suggest it can be both.
But hopefully not always.
not that i actually know for certain.
Some of my observations of couples, are that in the cities you can often spot reasonably attractive women with fairly average to poor men.
So i tend to assume that the women has settled.
In the country i have noticed the opposite, I often see fine men with women who, in my opinion have a figure similar to a beer keg.
So i assume the man has settled.
While i do see exceptions to those observations, it's rare.

This has led me to to belive that finding a partner is a lot like finding a good piece of realestate.
and we know the three most important things to look for in realestate is Location, Location, Location.

Also in my experience it is the women who expects the men to come too her.
Not just come too her, but the man has to live nearby for her to consider him.
Then this makes the man's location the most important.

I could waffle on about what i think the reasons for this are, maybe later in another post.
still not even mentioning love yet, meeting is the tuff part!

 

[artflop]

How would you turn down someone when you have both been told you are perfect matches!?
This has bugged me when thinking about internet dating.
I have to say that for me there would have to be a physical attraction when first meeting.
That would be a good start for a partner.
anything determined before that, like perfect match, a chat or email friendship can mean almost nil.
So getting back to turning someone down. I'd let simply them know that they are not my type.
This should be acceptable, imagine if we all were attracted to all members of the opposite sex.

Even just physical attraction on first meeting is not always enough.
i know there are lots of hot women i would be very happy to screw, but few that i could love.

 

[Girth Hammer]

interesting info

 

[Clawhammer]

Women won't settle just make bad decisions. Men make bad decisions and then settle.
There are so many variables involved. Location is just one amongst many reasons why people devolve from trying to find love to just settling for whatever a person can get.

Young women dream of their knight in shining armor until reality kicks in and the "old maid" mentality takes over. Then she'll settle for a lot less than her ideal just to satisfy societal pressure.

Young men just want a hot woman so they can sow their oats and bolster self esteem.
When men get older they get lonely and will settle for a domestic partner to bolster a wanning self esteem.

I would conjecture the above as basic reasons for "settling" instead of actual "love".
At least a good jumping off point for a great thread! Glad you brought this up Girth Hammer.

 

[Clawhammer]

Women won't settle just make bad decisions. Men make bad decisions and then settle.
There are so many variables involved. Location is just one amongst many reasons why people devolve from trying to find love to just settling for whatever a person can get.

Young women dream of their knight in shining armor until reality kicks in and the "old maid" mentality takes over. Then she'll settle for a lot less than her ideal just to satisfy societal pressure.

Young men just want a hot woman so they can sow their oats and bolster self esteem.
When men get older they get lonely and will settle for a domestic partner to bolster a wanning self esteem.

I would conjecture the above as basic reasons for "settling" instead of actual "love".
At least a good jumping off point for a great thread! Glad you brought this up Girth Hammer.