Ok, heres the problem. Please dont tell me Im stupid or anything, I just need real advice here. Ive been married for almost 11 years now. I have a good wife and a pleasent home life, but sex has became boring to me with her. Not making excuses here just explaining....but I get frustrated with her alot now in the bed. She isnt really any fun or doesnt try to be fullfiling anymore. Its no reason other than just that she doesnt want to try as hard. She said that. Here I am a guy willing to do anything with her and get so horny thinking about sex with her then BLAM!!...shes tired or just lays there or wants to talk about worldly issues before we get started. This completly ruins it for me. Plus she really doesnt stay "fresh" unless I be precise in telling her what I want to do, then its off to the bathroom where she takes 5 to 10 minutes to get ready. I honestly have a better time now looking at adult entertainment than being with her. Its that bad. So now Im leaning toward finding others to fool around with. Ive never cheated before, and I know its wrong, but my mind just keeps going back to it. I just want some fun in the bed with someone other than her. Plus shes the only person Ive ever slept with in my life so Ive always wondered what other women would be like, and even then I could up till now keep those thoughts under controll. It seems Ive come to a point of going one way or the other. I need advice and be honest from anyone thats cheated and how you felt afterwards. Was it worth it? I even consider a handjob cheating but would feel OK if thats all I got. Please give advice from your point of view. If its bad, hit me with it. If its good, lay it out. Thanks.
If this is such a big issue to youthat you're considering cheating on your wife of 11 years, I think you need to sit down with her and let her know that this is as big a problem as it is.
You need to try and make her understand that you feel that something is seriously lacking in the intimacy department, that going to the bathroom for 5 to 10 minutes before every session bothers you, that you don't want serious talks before sex, that you want to see more effort on her side of the act. Aside from the sex issue, it sounds like your relationship is a good one, one that's not worth potentially ruining. Personally, I don't think I could ever live with the guilt of cheating, or be able to keep it from a significant other. If I really thought I NEEDED to cheat, I would probably leave whomever I was with first. But I don't think you need that.
You need to express your dissatisfaction in an unhurtful way, and DON'T mention that you have been thinking of cheating. Let her know that you still find her sexy, and if your life has settled into a day to day routine for what seems like too long, you ought to take a vacation or at least a few surprise romantic nights out to give her an excuse to beautify herself and feel younger again.
You need to try and make her understand that you feel that something is seriously lacking in the intimacy department, that going to the bathroom for 5 to 10 minutes before every session bothers you, that you don't want serious talks before sex, that you want to see more effort on her side of the act. Aside from the sex issue, it sounds like your relationship is a good one, one that's not worth potentially ruining. Personally, I don't think I could ever live with the guilt of cheating, or be able to keep it from a significant other. If I really thought I NEEDED to cheat, I would probably leave whomever I was with first. But I don't think you need that.
You need to express your dissatisfaction in an unhurtful way, and DON'T mention that you have been thinking of cheating. Let her know that you still find her sexy, and if your life has settled into a day to day routine for what seems like too long, you ought to take a vacation or at least a few surprise romantic nights out to give her an excuse to beautify herself and feel younger again.
i agree, you should tell her first about how you feel the sex is dying out. you give the idea that it was hot and steamy before and now it's down to a low sizzle, with an ocassional snap..crackle...and pop. i've sort of been there before, i felt like it was getting a little boring so i TOLD her what i was feeling. i even told her that i was wondering and thinking about trying out other women. and i even told her that it wasn't like i was looking for another relationship, just straight up fucking with no strings attatched. it was hard to say to her, because i love her very much, however i was curious. we talked and had a few tears, but after about an 3 hours of that...we went into the bed room and had the MOST mind blowing sex we've EVER had.
afterwards we tried new things, different positions....different places (in the car, movies....etc), and not only that, but i felt like she understood me more. we both learned that we had to communicate in order to up our sex life and to better our relationship all around. it's ALWAYS a work in progress, you have to speak up or else nothing is going to change. hell, her and i are still looking to fulfill some fantasies..just didnt' have the chance yet.
if she loves you, or if your relationship is strong enough, talk with her. you've been married for 11 years so there has to be SOMETHING there. who knows, maybe if you talk with her she'll feel the same way, maybe she's bored too and wants to try some shit you only dream of
afterwards we tried new things, different positions....different places (in the car, movies....etc), and not only that, but i felt like she understood me more. we both learned that we had to communicate in order to up our sex life and to better our relationship all around. it's ALWAYS a work in progress, you have to speak up or else nothing is going to change. hell, her and i are still looking to fulfill some fantasies..just didnt' have the chance yet.
if she loves you, or if your relationship is strong enough, talk with her. you've been married for 11 years so there has to be SOMETHING there. who knows, maybe if you talk with her she'll feel the same way, maybe she's bored too and wants to try some shit you only dream of
It's incredibly hard to make someone want somthing.
I tried for 8 months to fix things in the bedroom by making my gf want to do new things, or just even do old things well. She was just to lazy, she had no passion.
Every women i've been with had to be waited on hand and foot. If i had a problem in the sack, i'd have to fix it, if she had a problem in the sack, i'd have to think of the solution for her.
Women can be very selfish, and also whatever the opposite of 'independent' is.
I have a biased opinion.
I tried for 8 months to fix things in the bedroom by making my gf want to do new things, or just even do old things well. She was just to lazy, she had no passion.
Every women i've been with had to be waited on hand and foot. If i had a problem in the sack, i'd have to fix it, if she had a problem in the sack, i'd have to think of the solution for her.
Women can be very selfish, and also whatever the opposite of 'independent' is.
I have a biased opinion.
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/\ Ouch. I guess that could be a possibility.
Tell her how you feel man. If you do love her, you would feel horrible after cheating for sure. How would you feel if she cheated on you?
Tell her how you feel man. If you do love her, you would feel horrible after cheating for sure. How would you feel if she cheated on you?
Wow, thanks for the help. I do love her and wish things were different. As far as guilt afterwards, I dont know either if I could live with it, but it would be better than how things are now, although I also could get a disease, get someone pregnant, loose my otherwise calm and safe homelife. It seems so crazy that I would think of risking all of that for some physical contact. And the bad thing is...is that Ive always thought that people who did cheat were lowlifes, but now I can kind of understand why they might cheat anyway. A good point was brought up about her possibly getting on the side...well while anythings possible I really dont think thats the case. She just doesnt have any lost time in her days thats unaccounted for and she acts the same as always aside from the bedroom. Although its still possible I guess, I dont know everything.
I think the reason shes got this way is because in 11 years of marriage weve only been out alone 5 different nights by ourselves! <
We have sorry parents that wont babysit without twisting their arm, so weve just gave up on the thought of being alone until the kids get married (2 kids, 10&9).
I will talk to her as soon as I can figure out how to bring it up. I really dont want to keep potential affairs in the closet the rest of my life. Plus unless you go out from home at least 100-200 miles and be very careful, people usually get found out anyway Ive noticed. I know how to do it and keep it secret, but I just dont know if its worth it. I dont know....
Also I relize sexual things are something we dont HAVE to have...but I am human and its tough to controll the mind sometimes and the urges are so great. Ill talk to her.
I think the reason shes got this way is because in 11 years of marriage weve only been out alone 5 different nights by ourselves! <
We have sorry parents that wont babysit without twisting their arm, so weve just gave up on the thought of being alone until the kids get married (2 kids, 10&9). I will talk to her as soon as I can figure out how to bring it up. I really dont want to keep potential affairs in the closet the rest of my life. Plus unless you go out from home at least 100-200 miles and be very careful, people usually get found out anyway Ive noticed. I know how to do it and keep it secret, but I just dont know if its worth it. I dont know....
Also I relize sexual things are something we dont HAVE to have...but I am human and its tough to controll the mind sometimes and the urges are so great. Ill talk to her.
Right...you need to talk to her....Communication is the key. You never know man. IMOP people put too much importance on sex in the first place, you should go back to the foundations of your relationship and see what made it work in the first place. It seems that you love this woman, yet you are filled with so much lust its driving you crazy. Think about it...its just physical sex...it will come and go just like everything else on this earth. Try something else with this woman that might fulfill you both physically and spiritually.
That's deep juggers. 