@boss. The key to every marriage is not communication it is "No More Hints with what you want." It's not so much about breaking the rules but more about her knowing "this is on her." When you argue and she is still not initiating sex or still not wearing heels to foreplay, she knows it is on her! That's the most important thing, she knows what you like and what you want. Whenever there is an argument there is no question she is in the wrong, she is not hustling, and that is when you are stuck. But like anything she needs to see you do something more that she likes, whatever that maybe, doing the dishes once a week? Giving her a massage? Paying for her to go to a SPA? Pumping that D before sex? She knows if she is not doing her part, she won't get your extras. I used to feel like a beggar asking her to please suck my cock, I told her after one fight, I need this, this is not an option, you need to figure this out. Same thing with her wearing heels or looking hot at home, I need this. You need to negotiate a bit, I told wifey, I would like to give her Anal every few months, but I need BJ's, she hasn't gone in on Anal but she is BJing like a beast (mind you this is with the same person that didn't give me head for 14 years!!!). I would like her to initiate sex 1/2 the time but I will take once a week. I would like heels 90% of the time when you get out of the shower for sex but I will take weekends. Things like that help put your needs in perspective and then she will see what she can do and what you can do for her. This is never finger-pointing because she now knows what you want, always. No more hints on what you expect! You tell her I want a BJ everytime we have sex but I will be ok once a week, why do I need it? I need to feel like a LION so I can provide, this makes me feel like a LION. I want you to be hot at home with tight shirts, shorts and yoga pants, Why? because you not looking hot for me, pisses me off because I find you so attractive.
I have to agree to disagree. Married for 23 years, I will share my side of perspectives while bringing other broken relationships as experience into the mix as well. This is my side only so other brothers can use this as references for their own approaches. Mind you, my marriage was not all sunshine and rainbow sprinkles. It's rocky and stormy half of the time, but it takes lots of work on
both our sides to make the marriage work. It's not about one side or the other. Each woman is definitely different. You
cannot expect all women to do the same thing as the other are expected to do. They came from different backgrounds, have their own short-comings, and each have her own individuality, just like us brothers. We are not the same, we do not say the same things, and we expect different results. We cannot generalize that all brothers are the same, nor even come close to 40% of the same on all fronts. So, just something to be considered of.
Communication wise, it covers demands as well. Communication is not about, "Oh, I'll do what you want and nothing needed on my side." No, communication covers, "What you want?", "What I want.", "Here's where we need to be." If you think your demands will be fully met because you're bring out the big gun during a non-aggressive argument, you will intoxicate your relationship for a future fail. We witnessed so many long-term 10+ years relationships broken up, so many kids suffered, and trust issues carried over to other relationships that became extremely toxic. This also applied to the kids that grown up to be adults. They carried what they experienced, observed, and suffered through into their relationships a well. I'm consulting over a dozen of these bad relationship young adults and young teens from these broken relationships because their parents, either be one or both, had too much aggressive demands over one another. Be very careful where walk on this ground.
Brothers, I can tell you this. When you start a relationship, it was all about lust, passion, and blind faith to one another. Both of you don't show your fangs and ugly sides until 3 to 5 years later. This is the point where most breakups came up the most. Some couples do tollerate until explosive points aroud 7 to 10 years down the road. This is where my wife and I helped those kids, not the couples, when hell broke lose at this point.
If she stays at home as a housewife, she may have more than enough time to provide your sexual appetite. When young kids are involved, I mean younger than 7 years of age, it's quite demanding. Ever clean the house, make meals, and keep your kids and spouse happy? It's more than a damn 9 to 5 job. I work, I clean, I cook, I take care of the kids just like my wife, and it's practically two jobs in one. If you simply work, come home, expect your household nice and tidy, belly be fed, your dicks be satisfied, and your wife looks prim, sexy, and lustful all the time, you got a hellish road ahead of you. It's even worst if she works to support the household as well. Test her patience, and you'll be paying child and spouse support for the next XX years.
However, you are right to expect and demand specific things. Sexual needs and satisfaction is one of the essential element to make a relationship lasts. Keeping your appearance appealing is another thing. If you need her to look sexy, you better be ready to make yourself handsome at the same time. It goes both way. If you want her to have time for a good fuck, you better make time for her to get herself ready. Be taking over a load of chores, taking care of the kids, or making more money to ease the financial burdens, if you can't give what she needs to make the sexual stimulation time for you, you're not getting it. Just like
@bemorethanbig indicated, give her the gold card to buy what she wants, that's satisifying her needs to make herself look presentable to him and the public; making her into a sexy lady through shop-a-holism.
If you think your demand make you into a leading lion of the pride, you know that the pride is not run by the lead lion, but the lionesses, right? In the wild, the lionesses place a strongest male to lead the pride on decision-making, but they control the leading male through providing foods, raising the young, and communicating with other prides. Just like the household, she holds the power over the kids and control the finances behind your back. You won't know what you're getting until you search in the hidden shadows. But to agree with you, my wife has no spending limits on what she wants to make herself looks sexy. She wears tight shorts to accent her ass, braless to entice me with her masssive tits, and wears what I like to see in public (braless and tight clothing in heels). I love seeing her flaunting her body and show me a good time in bed, and in public during our date time, but it will go both way in expectations. Demand too much, it will come back and bite you. Expect too little, and you'll get the minimum. Overall, it all boiled down to proper communication, not aggressive demands.
