- Joined
- Jul 8, 2006
- Messages
- 52
this is so typical, but every forum has to have a joke thread. i copied these off the net, you may have read them. here's my donation:
1
A man was flying in a hot air balloon and realized he was lost. He reduced height and spotted a man down below. He lowered the balloon further and shouted, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below said, "Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Engineering or Information Technology," said the balloonist.
"I do," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below said, "I see. You must be a Program Manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you guess?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
2
A kindergarten student was sitting at his desk making funny faces at anyone that would watch.
The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly, "Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick that way."
Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you learned the hard way."
3
There were three frogs that lived in a swamp, one day the swamp froze over so they had to move. They searched and searched for a new place to live, when they finally came across an old house. From the looks of it nobody lived there, so they decided to move in. they finally settled in the bathroom. They each had a bed: one was in the toilet, the other was in the sink, and the last one was in the tub. Well, the next day the one in the tub asked the one in the sink how he slept. he said "just fine, thank you." then the one in the sink asked the one in the toilet how he slept. And he replied, "it was awful, it rained and thunder and a big log fell on me".
4 fat mother shots:
Your mom's so fat; when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.
Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.
Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
yo mamma's so ugly when she worked in the bakery they dipped her face in the batter to make animal cookies.
5
A man went out for a night with "the boys" after promising his wife that he would be home by 11 p.m. Well, the beer went down real easy and the hours passed and before he knew it, it was three a.m. Drunk as a skunk, he headed home, fearing his wife's wrath. As he got in the door the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. The man, who still knew apples from oranges, cuckooed another nine times and tip-toed to bed, real proud of his quick witty solution.
The next morning when his wife asked him what time he'd got in, he told her 12 O'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all and said, "Darling, In that case, we need a new cuckoo clock." Why, asked the man. "Well last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit"; cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then farted!"
6
what do you call the vampire's boat? a blood vessel.
1
A man was flying in a hot air balloon and realized he was lost. He reduced height and spotted a man down below. He lowered the balloon further and shouted, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below said, "Yes you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Engineering or Information Technology," said the balloonist.
"I do," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below said, "I see. You must be a Program Manager."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you guess?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
2
A kindergarten student was sitting at his desk making funny faces at anyone that would watch.
The teacher came by and saw what he was doing and said calmly, "Billy you had better stop doing that, your face might stick that way."
Billy stared back just as calmly and said in reply, "I guess you learned the hard way."
3
There were three frogs that lived in a swamp, one day the swamp froze over so they had to move. They searched and searched for a new place to live, when they finally came across an old house. From the looks of it nobody lived there, so they decided to move in. they finally settled in the bathroom. They each had a bed: one was in the toilet, the other was in the sink, and the last one was in the tub. Well, the next day the one in the tub asked the one in the sink how he slept. he said "just fine, thank you." then the one in the sink asked the one in the toilet how he slept. And he replied, "it was awful, it rained and thunder and a big log fell on me".
4 fat mother shots:
Your mom's so fat; when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party.
Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.
Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.
Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.
yo mamma's so ugly when she worked in the bakery they dipped her face in the batter to make animal cookies.
5
A man went out for a night with "the boys" after promising his wife that he would be home by 11 p.m. Well, the beer went down real easy and the hours passed and before he knew it, it was three a.m. Drunk as a skunk, he headed home, fearing his wife's wrath. As he got in the door the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed three times. The man, who still knew apples from oranges, cuckooed another nine times and tip-toed to bed, real proud of his quick witty solution.
The next morning when his wife asked him what time he'd got in, he told her 12 O'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all and said, "Darling, In that case, we need a new cuckoo clock." Why, asked the man. "Well last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit"; cuckooed four more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more and then farted!"
6
what do you call the vampire's boat? a blood vessel.
