"I just want to be friends"

justaphase · Oct 22, 2005

Hey guys,
I have this problem and i don't know how to deal with it. If you guys could give your advice, I would appreciate it tons! Alright well I met this girl in highscool through friends (my buddy's girlfriend's best friend) and we hit it off great and became great friends since then. About 8 months ago I became really attracted to this girl. We have always acted like we were dating. She would sit on my lap, hold hands, cuddle, etc.. So I thought she liked me. I liked this alot since I had feelings for her but I never said anything to her about it. Then on my buddy's 21st B-day I walked her out to her car and finally kissed her. She was in complete shock and said she didn't know what to do. About 2 weeks passed and she came over and we talked about what happened. She then proceeded to tell me that "she just wanted to be friends" and didn't want to screw up our great friendship by dating. She said she finds me very attractive and loves me alot but never thought of me in that way. About 2 more weeks pass and she still hangs all over me like she use to. Then one night she came back over after all our friends left from a night of partying. Then she sits on my lap and kisses me and we almost have sex but we didn't. After that i thought great now she likes me. After about a week she decides to tell me that she didn't know what she was doing that night and that her answer hasn't changed. I am in a huge state of confusion because I really care for this girl! We have kissed 2 more times since then but the next day she always says sorry and she doesn't want to lead me on. So she is attracted to me, thinks I'm awesome , everyone thinks we should be together and we look cute together but she wont date me!! Help me out guys, I'm going crazy! I tell her that dating wouldn't screw up anything. I'm still friends with all my ex's and we hang out regularly. So i don't know if she is making excuses or what. ?

Any advice would help me out guys.
Thanks

Kal-el · Oct 22, 2005

Dude, what's the difference if you guys where dating or not? By the way it sounds, you already hangout all the time, and practically act like your dating, so why make it official? Does she get around alot? Ask her what her roster looks like? I say get her all boozed up and throw it in her! (Jk)

[P]okey[B]ear · Oct 22, 2005

I agree with him

The BTC Killer · Oct 23, 2005

L.p.r.

iwant8inches · Oct 23, 2005

justaphase said:
Hey guys,
I have this problem and i don't know how to deal with it. If you guys could give your advice, I would appreciate it tons! Alright well I met this girl in highscool through friends (my buddy's girlfriend's best friend) and we hit it off great and became great friends since then. About 8 months ago I became really attracted to this girl. We have always acted like we were dating. She would sit on my lap, hold hands, cuddle, etc.. So I thought she liked me. I liked this alot since I had feelings for her but I never said anything to her about it. Then on my buddy's 21st B-day I walked her out to her car and finally kissed her. She was in complete shock and said she didn't know what to do. About 2 weeks passed and she came over and we talked about what happened. She then proceeded to tell me that "she just wanted to be friends" and didn't want to screw up our great friendship by dating. She said she finds me very attractive and loves me alot but never thought of me in that way. About 2 more weeks pass and she still hangs all over me like she use to. Then one night she came back over after all our friends left from a night of partying. Then she sits on my lap and kisses me and we almost have sex but we didn't. After that i thought great now she likes me. After about a week she decides to tell me that she didn't know what she was doing that night and that her answer hasn't changed. I am in a huge state of confusion because I really care for this girl! We have kissed 2 more times since then but the next day she always says sorry and she doesn't want to lead me on. So she is attracted to me, thinks I'm awesome , everyone thinks we should be together and we look cute together but she wont date me!! Help me out guys, I'm going crazy! I tell her that dating wouldn't screw up anything. I'm still friends with all my ex's and we hang out regularly. So i don't know if she is making excuses or what. ?
Any advice would help me out guys.
Thanks

Change your way of reacting to her being cozy with all the touchy shit like hopping onto your lap and holding hands. I know you like this girl and I hope she wakes the hell up. Most girls if they flat out tell you they don't think of you in that way then they most likely really do not. She might be confused right now just as much as you, but if you want her to really consider what could be there that she just doesn't want to see or can't imagine at the moment considering your current relationship and history as friends then you must reverse the current here. Do not let on that you are vulnerable and vying for her affection on a more intimate level. Just change a little bit. Do not be mean to this girl. I mean I don't think you would even consider that, but don't get discouraged or frustrated during this time. If you do want to try to make her feel like she could be with you then you need to get yourself a girlfriend. Stop being as available to her. The moment she sees you with someone else in a relationship she'll want you.

going4nine · Oct 23, 2005

She's playing mind games with you. That's not the sign of a friend. If it were me, I'd tell her I have enough friends and to quick jerking me around. I'd tell her exactly what I'm looking for. If she's not willing to provide that, I'd keep away from her since it'd be painful knowing she won't reciprocate. Perhaps the fact that, if you follow this advice, you're not paying attention to her will make her reevaluate things since women have a need to be admired and desired.

MAXAMEYES · Oct 23, 2005

Kid, there are about 35 million, ( yes 35 million ), women in the US between the ages of 18 and 45. 35 million. Just in case you didn't hear that quite right I'll repeat it: 35 Million. Don't be confused, don't be led around by the end of your dick and don't ever, ever "wait" for a girl to make your decision for you. Tell her politely that it's been fun, that, yes you can remain friends and that you care for her as a person. Then you make your decision, take the keys, hop in the drivers seat...and then ...and then...
Did I mention 35 Million?

Chi · Oct 23, 2005

Are you sure she isn't hiding anything? Was her sex life normal before?

Sounds like she likes you, at least now, but she is afraid of something besides loosing your friendship.

If this is not the case and she is ok, then I also say go ahead after she's had a few drinks and try to go all the way. Sometimes when they say no you can get around and do it anyway, if you make it fun-hot and not just like you are not listening.

bcboy · Oct 23, 2005

HOLY CRAP!!!

I had only two things that came to mind and Iwant8 spoke on one of them. She does really sound confused and it does seem that she is using you more as a comfort tool, Iwant8 said it best, Get a girl to mimmick what you and her already have (at least if your only trying to persue this one that is confused) cause i mean if you do have feelings for her and you end out dating someone else just to stirr jelousy(sp??) towards your lady-friend, it could end up in heartbreak with your lady friend, or a relationship with someone that is half hearted on your end, or it could be a great new thing for you with your bait, but it will end out leaving you with some emotional questions on if anything would have ever happened between you and your current lady friend.

Either that or if you think its possable there is always the "Friends-with-Benifits" package which is pretty much having a cross between a actual relationship with a girl and having a friend that you can just hang out with, kinda like sex without the hassels, although it could be hard to do if you actually have feelings towards this person cause if they do decide to persue someone else while in "benifits" mode it can cause alot of mental stress and mind fucking.

Im not sure if any of this makes sence cause i just got up from 5 hours of sleep after working at the bar last night, but when i get off my regular job tonite i will re-read it and edit any stupid shit that doens't make sence.

But those are my thoughts on your situation, I wish you the best in your efforts and I think that in the end the best thing for you will turn out as they most usually do.

And Iwant8 Thanks for your info from the previous, again i think you and i have either had alot of similar experiences or some shit cause we are almost always thinking alike.

Kal-el · Oct 23, 2005

bcboy said:
HOLY CRAP!!!
Either that or if you think its possable there is always the "Friends-with-Benifits" package which is pretty much having a cross between a actual relationship with a girl and having a friend that you can just hang out with, kinda like sex without the hassels, although it could be hard to do if you actually have feelings towards this person cause if they do decide to persue someone else while in "benifits" mode it can cause alot of mental stress and mind fucking.

Exactly. I have a few "friends with benefits" that I keep on the side when I'm in a drought. I think we both appreciate this more, as there are no emotional strings attached. It sucks when you catch feelings though,as I admit I have done this more than once,but IMO "friends with benefits" is alot better than relationships, cause in relationships someone always winds up getting hurt.

justaphase · Oct 23, 2005

Thanks guys for all your help!

Yeah the whole get a girlfriend thing i already had one when i kissed her the first time. She hates all girls that i go for and bitches to me about them. She said something about the friends with benefits to me but i would still end up hurt because I do have feelings for her. I don't know what to do...If i don't have her and get another girl all i hear is her bitching about we don't act the same around each other. Seems like she wants her cake and eat it too, but i still cant get her off my mind! She has also gotten fucked over bad in the past from her first and only boyfriend and says she never wants to get hurt again, that could have something to do with it. ?

?

iwant8inches · Oct 23, 2005

Yeah, it probably does have something to do with it (her first and only bf hurting her), but this is life and in order for life to move on and for you to get past all this (a situation you do not find fully satisfying) you need to change some things. You'll end up growing from this one way or another, but I'd say find someone else (it will create jealousy, which can be good, but I'd say find someone else more than anything to just maybe find someone new and to get over this girl if just for a while), make sure you don't do anything purposely to hurt your friend though, and when she begins to bitch and moan about the girl you are with and how things aren't the same tell her that you and her are not a couple and that she should start realizing that most of your attention and affection is elsewhere as it should be. Tell her that "we're just friends. That's how it how has to be when you are just friends." At the time when you tell this to her let her know that you are mocking her, but do it in a way that says "I've moved on, but I'm hinting to you that there is still a chance...it's just that the ball is in your court now." The chances are that within the next 3 months you'll either be together or you'll be in the same situation and if it is the latter...try to do yourself a favor and just stop playing games with this one girl that can't make up her mind. You know what you want and you've told her. What more can you do other than mentally torture yourself of course? Outside of a miracle and the whole mental torture emotional saga thing your situation will change if you can change your approach. My advice is to find an alternative route that will still get you there.

bcboy · Oct 24, 2005

iwant8inches said:
Yeah, it probably does have something to do with it (her first and only bf hurting her), but this is life and in order for life to move on and for you to get past all this (a situation you do not find fully satisfying) you need to change some things. You'll end up growing from this one way or another, but I'd say find someone else (it will create jealousy, which can be good, but I'd say find someone else more than anything to just maybe find someone new and to get over this girl if just for a while), make sure you don't do anything purposely to hurt your friend though, and when she begins to bitch and moan about the girl you are with and how things aren't the same tell her that you and her are not a couple and that she should start realizing that most of your attention and affection is elsewhere as it should be. Tell her that "we're just friends. That's how it how has to be when you are just friends." At the time when you tell this to her let her know that you are mocking her, but do it in a way that says "I've moved on, but I'm hinting to you that there is still a chance...it's just that the ball is in your court now." The chances are that within the next 3 months you'll either be together or you'll be in the same situation and if it is the latter...try to do yourself a favor and just stop playing games with this one girl that can't make up her mind. You know what you want and you've told her. What more can you do other than mentally torture yourself of course? Outside of a miracle and the whole mental torture emotional saga thing your situation will change if you can change your approach. My advice is to find an alternative route that will still get you there.

*Dr Phil has nothing on Dr. Iwant8INches - this man is brilliant and a true plus to the male population, besides the fact that is a pe forum and hes proven hes a guy i would almost think that he grew up in a house full of sisters cause he gets the picture through and through.* Glad to have you on the team, and proud to be able to share problems with someone who looks at the picture as a whole and not a segment.

** I think that was the idea i was trying to state but i was going on 3 hours of sleep and getting ready for work so my brain wasn't functioning at all.**

justaphase · Oct 24, 2005

Yeah, thanks again everyone. Ill take your guys advice and see what happens.

penguinsfan · Oct 25, 2005

Some of the responses have basically said the same thing, but you've got to rely on the natural female jealousy thing, where they want what the can't have. If you are my antithesis...meaning you are actually attracive in the eyes of chicks, then you've got to snag you a playmate. Someone much like her that you can enjoy hanging out with and all the fun fooling around stuff too. You need someone that is looking to date. Then, you want to be sweet as pie to the other girl your feelings seem to be centered on, but just not have quite as much time for her. You want to convey that you still think the world of her and kinda wish things had worked out between the two of you, but that it must not have been meant to be. DO NOT actually say it like that, but just work it into conversation. She is then going to wish that she were with you. If you're actually dating the other chick that could be a delicate issue at that point.

It's the best advice I can give you. I find myself adored by women about as well as the Penguins have shutout their opponents this season.

kdogg101 · Oct 25, 2005

It's the best advice I can give you. I find myself adored by women about as well as the Penguins have shutout their opponents this season.[/QUOTE]

Good Hockey Analogy

I'm a canucks fan btw, penguins are doing well with Crosby around. (canadian too

anyway sorry for hijacking the thread

penguinsfan · Oct 26, 2005

It's all good. I love Canada. I have thought about immigrating to the Toronto metro area if I could ever find promising work there. Don't know if it would be permanent or not.

Anyway, Crosby looks to be the real deal. I had hoped he would show goal scoring potential by now, and he still may, but he looks like more of a playmaking set-up type player. That being said, his ability to read plays, draw penalties with his powerful skating, and thread the passes is well beyond his years.

kdogg101 · Oct 26, 2005

penguinsfan said:
It's all good. I love Canada. I have thought about immigrating to the Toronto metro area if I could ever find promising work there. Don't know if it would be permanent or not.

Anyway, Crosby looks to be the real deal. I had hoped he would show goal scoring potential by now, and he still may, but he looks like more of a playmaking set-up type player. That being said, his ability to read plays, draw penalties with his powerful skating, and thread the passes is well beyond his years.

I love Canada also I am in oilers and Flames country now though so I have to keep quiet about the canucks doing better than both teams

. Toronto is a good place to live if you live close to downtown. Have you tried for employment there in the past? Also Vancouver is a great place too.

I thought Crosby was gonna be all hype but then again we are barely into the first half. He could have an insane season though still with goal scoring. But anyway we should seriously have a NHL thread or something supporting favourite teams. That would be sweet :cool:

penguinsfan · Oct 27, 2005

kdogg101 said:
I love Canada also I am in oilers and Flames country now though so I have to keep quiet about the canucks doing better than both teams . Toronto is a good place to live if you live close to downtown. Have you tried for employment there in the past? Also Vancouver is a great place too.

I have not looked real hard. Occasionally, I take a glance at monster.ca just to see what's out there. I know Canada in general is very protective of their jobs, although they're hungry for highly skilled workers. Anyway, I just have a four-year degree in history and business. As I mentioned, I don't know if I would want to make it permanent. I can't see ever giving up my citizenship, although I don't think I would have to. I'm pretty sure promise of employment is required for a work visa, so it would be unlikely if I have no real skills to offer. I guess the thing to do would be to visit Toronto for a little R&R and stop in to a few corporate recruiters/headhunters.

I do want to see Vancouver at some point. I have this lifelong mission of seeing a game in every NHL city. So far, there is much work to do, only having been to Pittsburgh and Chicago for games. My buddy and I have talked about doing a roadtrip where we could catch Buffalo, Toronto, and possibly Ottawa. I was thinking about it the other day and while I don't have a map in front of me, it might be possible to head down towards Windsor and catch Detroit and Columbus on the swing back home to Pittsburgh. I doubt that will get done this season. My sister lives in Connecticut just outside New York and works in Manhattan, so at some point I can catch the Devils, Rangers, and Islanders if I ever make it up to visit again.

Back to the Toronto thing, I also love the areas just outside of Niagara Falls. I would love to someday think I might be able to buy a small place near the lakes to use for a few fishing trips each year and rent it out on some weekends.

justaphase · Oct 27, 2005

hummmmm

"I just want to be friends"

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