I have the hots for my boss. Oh no...

Hi all,

I'm wondering if any of you have experience in this area. It's another complex love question, so expect it to be one of those crazy unsolvable ones.

I have developed...a HUGE crush on my boss at work. Her name is Jamie. Technically she's my boss's boss but I work with her a lot on things because that's how she does stuff. My immediate boss Chris is cool as well but he's male so I really don't need to worry.

But I really have the hots for her. I think about her constantly. She's one of those extremely charismatic people that everyone likes and a lot of guys flirt with her because she's cute of course, but she's also very intelligent and she even personally consoles me when I break down in public. And I do. It's...embarrassing because I'm not very good at masking my emotions. She's very good at what she does, she's an excellent person to have as a boss and helps how things go around the office VERY well. I find myself becoming more and more attracted to her every day, despite that she is in a relationship (of some kind) and would most likely find the idea of me being attracted to her as weird and would most-likely say no at the very best. At worst she might find continued working together to be undoable. Or is that just paranoia? It certainly isn't any normal-ass high school crush with a girl my age who's clearly single and friendly with me. She's my boss.

The internet has been pretty useless in terms of googling the problem. They're all adult women who want to have sex with their male bosses. I'm a 21-yo male, my boss is a 30-something woman. And I want her so badly.

I tend to have a much harder time dealing with these emotional issues than most. And lately it has been piling up to the point of being screaming intolerable. Half my life has been spent pining away for someone. The rest that wasn't simply childhood was spent trying to get over my ex throwing me away. I can't go to a bar and pick up 15 women in the night; it just doesn't happen to me ever, as it has been forever. It makes for good writing at times, but I'm really getting tired of it. I hate that I fall in love with unobtainable women, that I go home alone and absolutely must distract myself by hanging out with friends. This crush has made me rather hesitant to pursue a relationship that might actually work, like with one of the cute girls around my dorm area. It makes me get existential about love itself. Am I just beginning to fall in love with random women because I'm lonely all the time and I've begun to go crazy? Or do I really legitimately care about her and want her because she is very human and appears to be everything I'd ever want in a woman?

The feelings are strange. My mind knows this is futile, and that crushing over her is futile. But I don't want to stop, because I feel an extreme desire for practicality. I guess this could be likened to an addiction like smoking. It's completely bad for me, and I know this, but I keep doing it for whatever reason if only because I'm used to it or maybe because I really want to hope there's the slightest chance she'll say "The relationship I have is only just a kinda-sorta weekend thing but I don't have anything serious. I've seen the way you look at me, and I hear the deeper tone in your voice when we talk, especially alone; and I'm very flattered."

If only I could pursue all the things I want to do alongside a lifestyle that makes sense. So far I've got none of the resources that makes one able to live that kind of lifestyle. It's just been nightmares. I have no outlet. I can't bring bitches home and distract myself by fucking. There's nothing like a Fight Club anywhere around here. It's me, art, videogames, and friends. And even that took forever to get arranged properly.

Any special dynamic solution or should I just stick with being happy that I'm able to talk to real understanding men on this forum? I am, by the way.

its one thing to have a crush on some girl in school but a wholly another when its in the workplace. Im not gonna say its impossible, but there is just too many things to go wrong for it to be worth it. U said u r a pretty emotional guy so i think thats kinda playing a part in your infatuation with her. Its funny, but a sexual relationship in this case would be a safer bet than a real relationship. If she is hinting something like that then sure, have some fun, but keep your emotions out of it.

I want to say right up front, forgive me if I hurt your feelings with what I am about to say but the truth, I believe, is what you really want to hear.

A woman that is as you have described will not likely be interested in an emotional pussy type that breaks down in public. They want someone that they can look to....not to have to coddle along and prop up. If you really want her you have a lot of manning up to do to put it simply. Now, you have a pretty big gap in age as well and that is certainly not ideal especially when she has to pussy you along. Dig?

You just need to man up and then attract a good woman to you that is nearer to your age group and culture. Save yourself a lot of heartache and start looking at her as a good boss and maybe even a good friend. Man up and earn her respect. Become a strong person that she can lean upon. Dig?

Shion, sounds kinda like you want a "mommy" who'll suck yer dick. Entering into a relationship...no; fantasizing about a relationship, wherein you're the neediest partner is not a good way to win the love, respect and ardor of a professional career woman. Now, if ya wanna get tied up face down with a mouthful of pillow and a vibrating strap-on workin' its way up yer chute...then I'd say you're off to one hell of a start. To be honest, any time a woman has to hold a guys hand in public due to an emotional breakdown (and it's not due to Ol' Yeller, Saving Private Ryan or mace) then, my friend you've slipped irretrevably into "charity case" status. Leave your fantasy right where it is: in your head.

Well personally I think that the age difference first of all does not matter. Also I have the hots for my boss too I am 21 about to be 22 in july and she is married, but for me it is just I really want to smash ( fuck) the hell out of her.

Welp, all the responses were exactly what I was afraid of. But I was fooling myself thinking that I would hear any differently. Although it feels like people are trying to say it's wrong to have emotions.
Kinda funny how anyone would be needy if they were alone all the time, yet it's only people who are not needy that are considered attractive, and less-emotional men that are looked up to. It is, what I think, is wrong with how people place genders into roles. But, what can I do about that?

If I may clear something up, it isn't this woman that makes me emotional. It is a buildup of extreme frustration and loneliness. It is just that, alongside all of these issues, seeing her as a woman starts to become extremely blurry even though I know she's a woman I really want. Anyone who reads my stuff knows that my self-loathing is really the toughest problem I face; not being manly or strong or anything else. I'm not trying to make excuses but that might provide a bit more detail. I guess when it all comes down to it, after all the counseling and meds it's either the problem will be solved or it won't. But I appreciate the feedback anyway.

Shion;386919 said:

Welp, all the responses were exactly what I was afraid of. But I was fooling myself thinking that I would hear any differently. Although it feels like people are trying to say it's wrong to have emotions.
Kinda funny how anyone would be needy if they were alone all the time, yet it's only people who are not needy that are considered attractive, and less-emotional men that are looked up to. It is, what I think, is wrong with how people place genders into roles. But, what can I do about that?

If I may clear something up, it isn't this woman that makes me emotional. It is a buildup of extreme frustration and loneliness. It is just that, alongside all of these issues, seeing her as a woman starts to become extremely blurry even though I know she's a woman I really want. Anyone who reads my stuff knows that my self-loathing is really the toughest problem I face; not being manly or strong or anything else. I'm not trying to make excuses but that might provide a bit more detail. I guess when it all comes down to it, after all the counseling and meds it's either the problem will be solved or it won't. But I appreciate the feedback anyway.

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Looking outside of oneself for the causes of, or answers to, most of ones own problems is usually a wasted endeavour. Sounds like you gotta get right with yourself before you can share that "rightness" with the world at large. As far as emotions go; hell you can be a complete basket case...inside; but exercising control over your own fears is what distinguishes a capable man from an ineffectual one. And as you grow you'll learn, hopefully, that delay of, or even complete denial of, gratification is part of life. Pain is inevitable, suffering discretionary.

And as you learn and teach you to will continue to expand and grow.

Even if I've spent just about every other hour by myself trying to figure out what's wrong with me?

I'm not looking for a woman to take care of me. And I sure as hell don't want a woman I have to take care of in order for the relationship to work. The whole thing should be mutual. I probably blew this whole thing by caving into all the pressure of that day and breaking down. It certainly didn't feel GOOD that she was consoling me when I wanted to be strong enough in my own way to show her I was capable. Tell truth, it's sporadic. I can't do anything but keep trying. I just want to know my insanity isn't going to kill me before I get a chance to live my dreams. And I know the answer may not be what I want to hear either.

Shit I kinda have the hots for my boss now too and I think shes been flirting with me too. She told me the other morning, She HATES her husband. When ever I jelq I think about her now. But she has 4 kids and she like a 7 out of 11 so I think Ill try and steer clear of this one aye.

If you score with the boss you will make more paper and secure your job until she becomes a blazing psycho and systematically destroys your manhood

I don't know. I use to flirt a lot when I first started working at the store. It's not worth your job, sexual endeavors or anything. Don't shit where you eat.

No man.. .sex in workplace should be a complete no no... since its your boss don't do it.. It might be good or it might just be a hell for you later