I Got Issues...

OK guys I'm an existing member posting under an alias to protect my identity. I'm sure the powers that be know who this is, but please keep it anonymous, cuz I don't want others wwo may read it to know who it is.

Here's the deal. I'm married, and I have a friend who is engaged. She's frequently talking about how she's not really happy with their relationship. I've always thought she's cute, and recently have suspect she feels the same of me. About 4 weeks ago we were around some friends w/out signif others present and we were pretty drunk and after a lot of friendly flirting, a comment was made about how it's always funny to see who hooks up at closing time, my drunken response was- Yeah, it should be me and you. She said- But we both have rings. I let it go by and the flirting continued... touching in ways that are more than friend to friend, but not groping or anything. Just the lingering hnd on the shoulder, her touching my arm while talking, my hand on her thigh while talking, stuff like that. Nither of us were driving, and at the end of the night when the DD friend dropped her off first, we set a future time to go to lunch together- which is coming up soon. We haven't really talked since that night, but we are both busy people.

I just really want some thought from you guys. You know how when you really like a girl you get that flutter in your heart when you think about her? Well, this girl has me feeling that for the first time in years.

Don't keep the meeting, you are too close to making a decison that will hurt your marriage and end up a hurt for too many. This flutter in your heart will dig you deeper than you want to go. GS

Ok my friend, this is a tough one. You're in a difficult situation and you need to think hard before doing anything wrong.
I'm not married, but I'm in a serious relationship. I hope I can still be of any help.
Basically there are three things you can do, which all have different consequences.
Option 1: You'll meet the girl, you start an affair, you fuck her brains out and you feel like you're 17 again. If you want to enjoy life for a little while, do it. If you can handle it, if you're a player that's fine. I'm serious, if you can hide it from your wife it's ok, I'm not judging you here.
If you're not used to doing things like that, if you're the kinda "honest" husband, you'll be fucked. it could ruin your marriage and you need to think hard if you wanna run that risk.
In that case it's option 2: don't meet her, tell her you were drunk and you should both forget about it. it's hard as well cuz feeling this flutter makes it all blurry. but try to figure out why you feel this flutter. is it cuz it's all that exciting and new? s.th. you don't feel in your marriage anymore? believe me, it'll pass and soon you'll be enjoying your marriage again. but if you feel the flutter not just because of the exitment but because you actually feel for her (which is unlikely) there's:
option 3: again this is the unlikely case that you might actually be better of with her. is that what you want? then u should consider leaving your wife for her. harsh I know.

just my 2 cents, hope it'll help you to make up your mind.

Some points to ponder. Do you value your current marriage? Do you have children or a child that could be harmed by ruining your marriage? Can you afford the potential public damage to your credibility by having an affair? Can you afford the expense of a divorce?

stillwantmore said:

Some points to ponder. Do you value your current marriage? Do you have children or a child that could be harmed by ruining your marriage? Can you afford the potential public damage to your credibility by having an affair? Can you afford the expense of a divorce?

Click to expand...

Still, that had pamphlet-like accuracy.....

I'm with SWM...

I think that if you're thinking about doing something that you can't talk about with your wife, then you shouldn't do it. I don't believe in lying or withholding the truth from a spouse. I've admitted in the past that my wife and myself are swingers... yes we have sex with other people but we never do it without the other's knowledge and consent. We do it together or not at all. I would never ever consider hooking up with any chick regardless how hot she is without first letting my wife know. I trust that she feels the same way. We don't have secrets from one another and so should you and your wife. If you value your relationship with your wife... then don't go to your lunch date.

I'm thirding with SWM... you need to think about what you have at home waiting for you everyday... your wife, not your friend the engaged girl. How would you feel if your wife did that to you, you didn't know about it at first, somehow you found out, what would happen? you know? Things like this have to make you wonder... I'm not trying to sound like a bitch, but it's the truth dude. You shouldn't meet up with this girl, especially if you guys are drunk, and if you really and truly care about your own wife, I suggest you stop getting drunk around this friend of yours. Because the flirting comes first, then comes sex, then yeah, you know the rest I think.

Jerry Springer needs new guests

lol

well dude, i would have to sy that if you really care for this girl, and feel like she is worth the risk of putting your marriage on the edge...you're unhappy, you're wanting out and want to explore to "soil your oats" then cut things off with your wife. end it before you actually start the affair. and if you cut things off with your wife, then maybe you wouldn't end up with that girl anyway. maybe it's just the forbiden fruit thing you got goin on. you see her, she's desireable sexy and different....that would ware you down if you keep goin like this. just make sure that if you are going to take that step, think about the proper steps needed to take it. if you want to meet the girl and satisfy those flutters, then take the proper actions iwht your wife and let her know that you feel between you and her. maybe something in your relationship with your wife needs some firing up, maybe if you have an open ended convo with your wife about your wondering eye and how you feel like you wanna act upon it, it might take you to a whole new level. kittie and i had this convorsation once, i told her that i was curious about other women and that i felt like i was drifting away emotionally and we talked it through and worked it out. i was glad that i got it off my chest and it ACTUALLY made things 200% better with her. not more than 20 mins after a 2 hour convorsation we were in my bed making some of the most passionate love we had ever made! since then i try to be more open with her and it seems to help us out a lot each time we talk with eachother. do the same with your wife, tell her that you feel like you are wondering, that you're curious about other women and however else you feel.
if you're worried about it this much to go secretive on the site, then i think that you care enough to ask our opinions and that doesn't make you a player, or someone who could just go off and fuck this woman and come home and smile at your wife like nothing happened. if i'm right at all, talk with your wife. hopefully she'll understand that you need to find that love again and if it means that you have to take some unconventional steps then so be it.

i'd put off hangin out with this girl and find out the real reason why you would look for lovin from another woman before you do anythin gthat can't be fixed.

Thanks folks. Samz- good points. I did go to lunch. We just visited for about 3 hours. Flirting was still there.

Not sure what my problem is, but things aren't great at home- haven't been for about... well, ever really, but we trudge through it. At first I was one of those uys who would never take off his ring- now I hardly wear it and being with another girl doesn't even feel wrong to me. At the lunch thing, I never felt like I was doing anything bad. I don't know, amybe on some level I want things to blow up in my face.

I think we're gonna go again next week.

my best advice, i know i'm not married but i'm kittie and i are in a tight relationship...i would say talk with your wife. be brutally honest with her, tell her straight out how you feel and that you feel that you are completely numb to what's going on at home and how you feel about looking else where. who knows..she might feel the same way!maybe she's treading on the same terms that you are however she just doesn't wanna say anything either. i imagine marriage as being with someone you love, there are hard times but the core of the relationship is what pulls you through. if there is a basic love and genuine connection..i think it'll lsat through the ages. if you feel that that core is gone, or never really was there...then i would suggest you explain that to her. for now, keep it at flirting if you must feel like venturing out into the world. but nothing more than that! have that brutally honest convo with your wife before any real steps are taken. again, things with the wife might get better, or it might just end. either way hopefully you'll be happier.

don't forget about the girls fiance by the way! if he catches wind about this shit, then who knows what would go on.