Bad sex life please help

K

Kingy

0
Right basically me and my wife have always had a good sex life up untill she was pregnant with out second child.

During and after the pregnancy her sex drive went to 0 and over a year after birth it's still at 0. This causes a lot of problems because I'm a very loving person and see making love, cuddles etc a big part of a relationship.

If I don't mention sex it just doesn't happen simple as that, if I do it pisses her off. When we do have sex there's no really connection there because she's not interested its not the most enjoyable experience trying to make love to some one that you know isn't interested.

I really don't know what to do now, I really need that feeling you get when your making love to the love of your life but I haven't felt it for a long time and Its making me misurable because I don't feel loved.

I've tried talking to her but she just says she has no desire for sex so I suggested going to see a doctor as her hormones might still be all over due to pregnancy but she won't go.

Any advice on how to tackle this would be great.

Thanks kingy
 
Well, your marriage is obviously not working out. It's going downhill. She is probably bored of you, or she really hates having sex. It's one or the other.

If your sex life is miserable, then cheat. If you need more sex, have more sex. Do not feel guilty about that. Why should you be deprived? You are a man, you need to have sex. If you don't satisfy your sexual needs, you are going to end up resenting her even more. Lack of sex and emotional connection are usually the first signs that a marriage is falling apart. Don't beg her for sex anymore; just do your own thing, and try to find happiness elsewhere. If you are not the type of guy that can do that, then the alternative route is pain and misery, and no sex anyway. If she loved you, she wouldn't be giving you a hard time. So worry about your own needs from now on - do not let one woman destroy your life. There are plenty of women out there you could have a good time with. Or love.
 
Id say sit down and talk with her for starters. Just tell her that you're worried about her and the relationship. Ask her what would she like to have more, have less or what's her whole take on the sex front. I know exactly what you feel when other part is not really into it (I'm also married,8y now). From my experience lack of sexual drive can be caused easily: stress at work/home, pressure from someone/thing, occupied mind (thinking hard at something etc) or just plain tiredness (from work and or chores).
Helping her with daily stuff might help also (so lend a hand!).
Maybe try to spice things up? I have noticed sexting with wife has effect but go slow, work her mind (make her think about naughty stuff, never ask or demand :D ).
If that does not help, organise a spa getaway for just the two of you (definitely stay at least one night with dining and wineing).
Routine kills .. got to kill it first.

I hope my 2c helps in some manner.

K.
 
cg1;512704 said:
Well, your marriage is obviously not working out. It's going downhill. She is probably bored of you, or she really hates having sex. It's one or the other.

If your sex life is miserable, then cheat. If you need more sex, have more sex. Do not feel guilty about that. Why should you be deprived? You are a man, you need to have sex. If you don't satisfy your sexual needs, you are going to end up resenting her even more. Lack of sex and emotional connection are usually the first signs that a marriage is falling apart. Don't beg her for sex anymore; just do your own thing, and try to find happiness elsewhere. If you are not the type of guy that can do that, then the alternative route is pain and misery, and no sex anyway. If she loved you, she wouldn't be giving you a hard time. So worry about your own needs from now on - do not let one woman destroy your life. There are plenty of women out there you could have a good time with. Or love.
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I know I asked for advice and appreciate your reply but telling someone to cheat is not good advice.

I love my wife and she loves me we have a family a house etc and I plan in keeping it that way.

She's not bored of me lol she just has 0 sex drive probably due to hormone change during and after pregnancy.

Like I said I appreciate your reply and yes I am a man and I need sex etc but my dad fucked around on my mum when I was a kid and I do not intend to cause my kids and wife the same pain me and my mum went through
 
Kraken;512708 said:
Id say sit down and talk with her for starters. Just tell her that you're worried about her and the relationship. Ask her what would she like to have more, have less or what's her whole take on the sex front. I know exactly what you feel when other part is not really into it (I'm also married,8y now). From my experience lack of sexual drive can be caused easily: stress at work/home, pressure from someone/thing, occupied mind (thinking hard at something etc) or just plain tiredness (from work and or chores).
Helping her with daily stuff might help also (so lend a hand!).
Maybe try to spice things up? I have noticed sexting with wife has effect but go slow, work her mind (make her think about naughty stuff, never ask or demand :D ).
If that does not help, organise a spa getaway for just the two of you (definitely stay at least one night with dining and wineing).
Routine kills .. got to kill it first.

I hope my 2c helps in some manner.

K.
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We have had that convocation plenty of times lol and what comes of it is she doesn't want to be pestered about sex but my point is always if I don't mention it it just won't happen.

Thing is she works full time (I'm part time and watch the kids rest of the time) so yes she is always tired but she will say she doesn't want sex but then sit watching crap on tele.

I've done the, tidy the house send kids to the grandparent, cook us dinner rent a film etc to try and liven her mood but then all she wants to do is chill outand I'm left frustrated because I thought we might have a nice romantic time together.

As you know if your married its difficult but I just can't get her interested in sex again, I tried sexting but don't make a difference.

Another thing is I tried doing things different but she will only have sex in bed and we only do missionary with the occasional doggy style, I can't remember the last time she went on top or initiated sex
 
hepcat;512842 said:
When she is watching reality shows or whatever other bullshit is, on grab your car keys. If she asks you where you are going tell her your taking a drive so you can have sometime to reflect upon things. Then be gone for a couple hours, either actually really do the driving or go hang out with your friends and have a good time. Make sure you're out for at least 2 hours. Now start doing these drives (every time she watches t.v.)more often and I bet you she is going to think maybe you're cheating because your gone for so long. She'll know it's because she has been withholding sex,compassion, and love. You don't actually do the cheating. You need to stop asking her for sex but pretend you don't care anymore. Don't ask her how her day was. If you are asked questions give one sentence answers: "How was your day" eh, you know. How are the kids "Alright". How was your day: "same shit different day",etc...

Maybe she is having sex with someone else and that's why she hasn't had any desire for sex. Women need sex too. They can get it easily whenever they want, unlike men.

Point is obviously, to get her jealous. If she starts accusing you of cheating turn it back to her. They say when people cheat they start accusing their partner of cheating. So turn it back on her. If all else fails you can really start cheating. I mean enough's enough. She is trying to turn you into a eunuch! If you get divorced you should initiate it and make sure your funds are taken care of well before you actually do it. Get a bank account from some far off place so you don't get raped judicial style. Good luck and remember you shouldn't have to beg for sex. No offence, but this is why I think marriage is horrible decision for men to make. Women hit the jackpot after marriage. Even common law marriages you get your ass kicked around. So if you have are dating someone make sure you both have their own place, or at least break up with them every 7 years and then get back together.
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I'm a bodybuilder so I go to the gym a lot and usually if we argue or she pissed me off ill grab my bag and hit the gym and usually stay there longer then usual.

We just had the usual convocation and she said if she never had sex again it wouldn't bother he and she doesn't need sex like I do, I know my wife and I know she means what she says.

She isn't sleeping with anyone else unless its at work because we spend most if not all of our spare time together at home or taking the kids out and visiting family etc.

I just told her I don't enjoy sex anymore which I don't and this has been going on so long I've just given up tbh and I'm not going to bother with it anymore, ill just knock one out when I need to
 
I think some men here, hate women :p

Hepcat: They can get it easily whenever they want, unlike men.
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It's simply bullshit, sure even a ugly girl can get sex, but it works the same for both sexes. The problem you are stating here is not that men are not capable of getting sex whenever they want, but because women have often bigger balls than those men you are describing. It is actually much easier for men, but a lot of men don't and won't never realize it. But that is good, more for me.

Kingy, so talking didn't help much? Try again man, try to be more romantic the next time, I mean create a nice vibe. Ask her if she has any problems in her life and if something is bothering her. If she won't get weak after that, just "marriage rape" her. Make sure you give your kids to their grandpa's or something. Take her like a cave man (make sure she's wet though) if you think she might not get wet at all, have a lube under your hand. At this point you are accepting her mind I mean she is in control. Take control over and see what happens. Sometimes a drastic change can be very positive. It often shows so sexually attracted you are to a women (caveman style). Especially a married woman with 2 kids. Make her feel sexy. Pull her hair when its needed to suck on you.

If that won't help, you get to sex relationship therapy both of you.

It might be the hormones, but it might be many different things.
 
I think you guys are getting the wrong end of the stick here, I don't want to cheat, I don't want to rape her, I don't want to leave her I just want to help her get her sex drive back.

I've tried talking plenty of times, tried being romantic etc but she just doesn't respond to it
 
Well, I would not advice you cheating as it is not the solution, that's why I thought of "marriage rape" but don't take it literally though, I meant to be more aggressive and rough.

The thing is, from what you are saying, we don't know you, we don't know your wife, so we can't really GET IN your problem, we can't see it from your side really(beside what you are writing) and we can't see it from her side. I'm pretty sure though that if you don't change something, don't bring a radical change it will only get worse. If you don't like that, just take her to a relationship therapist, tell her you want to get into a therapy with her, because you are worried about your relationship so you two can get into the roots of it, if she is frustrated with something, it might be really a good idea as it's often easier to talk to a stranger even if you are her best friend. It might get her to go to the doctor too, to check the hormones.

Take some action now
 
walkingmoon;513053 said:
Well, I would not advice you cheating as it is not the solution, that's why I thought of "marriage rape" but don't take it literally though, I meant to be more aggressive and rough.

The thing is, from what you are saying, we don't know you, we don't know your wife, so we can't really GET IN your problem, we can't see it from your side really(beside what you are writing) and we can't see it from her side. I'm pretty sure though that if you don't change something, don't bring a radical change it will only get worse. If you don't like that, just take her to a relationship therapist, tell her you want to get into a therapy with her, because you are worried about your relationship so you two can get into the roots of it, if she is frustrated with something, it might be really a good idea as it's often easier to talk to a stranger even if you are her best friend. It might get her to go to the doctor too, to check the hormones.

Take some action now
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Just be gentle and supportive to her in this situation. It is easy to come off sounding selfish, so allow her to decide. Be supportive and OK with whatever she choses.
 
walkingmoon;513053 said:
Well, I would not advice you cheating as it is not the solution, that's why I thought of "marriage rape" but don't take it literally though, I meant to be more aggressive and rough.

The thing is, from what you are saying, we don't know you, we don't know your wife, so we can't really GET IN your problem, we can't see it from your side really(beside what you are writing) and we can't see it from her side. I'm pretty sure though that if you don't change something, don't bring a radical change it will only get worse. If you don't like that, just take her to a relationship therapist, tell her you want to get into a therapy with her, because you are worried about your relationship so you two can get into the roots of it, if she is frustrated with something, it might be really a good idea as it's often easier to talk to a stranger even if you are her best friend. It might get her to go to the doctor too, to check the hormones.

Take some action now
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I understand its difficult to give advice from the other end of a computer screen lol.

With my wife I just know trying to take control and being more aggressive wont have the desired effect, she's a very complex women and even after 5years I still find it difficult to read her moods and how she's feeling etc.

I did suggest a going to a relationship councillor but she didn't really want to go and said it won't help but it might be worth another mention, I also asked her to go to the doctors to see if its her hormones but she still hasn't been.

I feel now the only thing to do is just forget about sex untill she's ready for it but that could be weeks/months and I'm a very physical person, I need that connection to feel loved and wanted that why I get so frustrated because I feel she doesn't want me or love me
doublelongdaddy;513139 said:
Just be gentle and supportive to her in this situation. It is easy to come off sounding selfish, so allow her to decide. Be supportive and OK with whatever she choses.
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I've tried that but as I said above I need that connection and after 2 weeks without it I get very emotional and my insecurities run wild in my mind.

Unfortunately I'm a very emotional touchy feely person that needs loving and she's the complete opposite
 
hepcat;513175 said:
:P

When you reach your goals pull that fucker out and see what she says then!:) Or you can always just slip her a roofie. Haha, j/k:P.
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Well I sort of tried your idea tonight.

Instead of saying 'can we have sex' I basically told her it was happening and while she was on the iPad I took her underwear off and licked her clit like a possessed man for about 15 minutes then when she orgasmed instead of letting her relax a minute I just stuck it in and gave her it good and it was a dam site better for both of us.

Thanks mate ill do this a little more often and give her no choice lol
 
hepcat;513404 said:
That's great news and keep at it. When you kiss a girl you don't ask if you can. Just as asking a wife for sex probably seems mechanical. I'm glad to hear things are going better. Again though, think of what she'll be like when you keep getting bigger.:O Cheers!:)
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Yeah it usually is very mechanical like going through the motions type of sex, only reason for that is because she has no sex drive I never know what reaction ill get if I just whip her pants off.

Hopefully it will get better if we can make it more natural like it should be
 
I told you Kingy that "a marriage rape" could be effective. And it is a really good news, she was able to climax which means he has that sex drive in her, but something is blocking it on daily basis. I would also recommend you to try some dirty talking, you can start off on a phone. Not sure how are you schedules going, but if you are something outside home in the evening (or when she has free time, being at home(safe place))
 
Kingy;513400 said:
Well I sort of tried your idea tonight.

Instead of saying 'can we have sex' I basically told her it was happening and while she was on the iPad I took her underwear off and licked her clit like a possessed man for about 15 minutes then when she orgasmed instead of letting her relax a minute I just stuck it in and gave her it good and it was a dam site better for both of us.

Thanks mate ill do this a little more often and give her no choice lol
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Wow, night and day change. She seems as though she does have sex drive but you need to make the moves to make it happen. I think the position of "we are going to do it tonight" instead of "Can we have sex?" is a much better approach.
 
walkingmoon;513511 said:
I told you Kingy that "a marriage rape" could be effective. And it is a really good news, she was able to climax which means he has that sex drive in her, but something is blocking it on daily basis. I would also recommend you to try some dirty talking, you can start off on a phone. Not sure how are you schedules going, but if you are something outside home in the evening (or when she has free time, being at home(safe place))
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Don't get me wrong she always climaxes with head but she said It was better then the time before when it was the usual mechanical sex lol

I do think she has it there but she's been on a contraceptive injection since giving birth and that can have a effect on sex drive, she has actually come off that now so in the next month it might naturally come back as the injection wares off.

Ill see about the dirty talk ill feel a bit awkward because I don't know how she'll react

doublelongdaddy;513517 said:
Wow, night and day change. She seems as though she does have sex drive but you need to make the moves to make it happen. I think the position of "we are going to do it tonight" instead of "Can we have sex?" is a much better approach.
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Lol you mean give her no choice
 
Dirty talk is very powerful if done properly. It seems like you are respecting her outside the bedroom and it's the other way around as well. Respect is pretty much a foundation of effective dirty talk. Start small. Instead of saying we are going to "do it" tonight. You could say "baby, you look so hot today (if she really look hot today(don't try to sugar things up coz she knows whats up herself, be alert)... I'm going to take you to the bedroom right now, take your cloths off and fuck you good" You need to feel though, if you don't feel it, she might not take it seriously especially if you have never used dirty talking. You are feeling awkward of the idea itself. What can help you if to BE 100% there will be NO from her, because even if she says NO, you still take her to bedroom and "do it"
 
walkingmoon;513781 said:
Dirty talk is very powerful if done properly. It seems like you are respecting her outside the bedroom and it's the other way around as well. Respect is pretty much a foundation of effective dirty talk. Start small. Instead of saying we are going to "do it" tonight. You could say "baby, you look so hot today (if she really look hot today(don't try to sugar things up coz she knows whats up herself, be alert)... I'm going to take you to the bedroom right now, take your cloths off and fuck you good" You need to feel though, if you don't feel it, she might not take it seriously especially if you have never used dirty talking. You are feeling awkward of the idea itself. What can help you if to BE 100% there will be NO from her, because even if she says NO, you still take her to bedroom and "do it"
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Well I think I would just sound stupid saying it because I've never done dirty talk but ill give it a try and see how she reacts
 
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