Domestic troubles...

OK, so I am with my highschool sweetheart. We have a kid who is almost 2 years old. We aren't married and got no plans, maybe that's the problem with her, but I am not going to marry someone who acts the way she does.

We were engaged at one point, but we broke up and after like a month she moved in with some guy in the army (he is probably the reason we broke up). Ouch! But he got deployed to Iraq and before he left she was cheating on him with me. Then he gets a Dear John e-mail from her one day and she moves back in with me at my Mom's house. I'm a poor college student tryin to get through college and then law school btw.

Here's the problems, she is insanely jelous. She gets mad about ���� - pissed off is more. When I have friends over that talk about other women she gets pissed at me! And we fight all the time about stupid shit. She doesn't trust me for shit and I'm falling out of love with her real fast.

I don't want to kick her out because then she'll want to take my son away and I'll have to drag her ass into Court and it'll get real ugly real quick. My Dad's a lawyer and I've been working for him so we could probably win if it came down to that. But I don't want to be the reason that my son has a broken home. I grew up in one and I hated it. I'm at a loss as to what to do. This morning she was pissed because a friend of mine came over who I've known since I can remember and was talking about a bunch of different girls we knew in middle school and early high school. I didn't even say anything. Sorry for the long post, but I could use some advice on this.

She sounds like an unstable women,
no wait I mean a woman who's crazy
no wait come to think of it, I thinks this is all women. Sounds like you will have many gray hairs cuz of her, you do have a kid, maybe you should tone down the beer gatherings and ���� at the crib. And her cheating on you like that, I'm pretty sure that's how unsolved mysteries show started. If you can't work it out I really have no clue of what I would do.

You've got to communicate these things with her if you don't want to split up. I've experienced some of these jealousy issues and they can get worse and worse. You guys really need to sit down and talk these things through and come to a conclusion and resolve it. I hope everything turns out alright bro.

I went through much the same thing, except my breakup finally came after 17 years, 2 kids, a house and most of a 20 year career. Here, for your listening pleasure, are some of my observations and advice gleaned from this most painful episode in my life:
1. Never, ever blame yourself for another persons shortcomings or bad behaviour

2. Her jealousy stems from her own perceived inadequacy (real or imagined) and nothing you say or do can ever, ever change that

3. Any change or growth she experiences MUST come from within herself and then; only because she initiates that change or growth

4. Her universe revolves around HER and your only part in it is to fulfill whatever role she decides you deserve (just look at the way she treated you, then him, then you again; as a Vet I can say that a Dear John E-MAIL !! is just about as low and heartless as a bitch can get...ESPenis EnlargementCIALLY when the poor bastard's deployed to that stinking shithole known as Iraq) and this role of yours changes with her moods

5. The most impossible and thankless job known to man is attempting to save someone from themselves

6. If she doesn't care enough about you to grow and mature then the prospect for your child to be important enough to her to initiate the needed growth is just as dismal

7. If you do stay together under such circumstances you will inevitably be the much abhored "broken home" you will, however, unfortunately be a broken home simply trapped under the same roof, wherein all three people will be miserable. You, and your kid deserve better

8. A small amount of pain and sacrifice early in a situation, as daunting and frightening, as it may seem, will almost invariably avoid much, much greater pain, sacrifice and heartbreak later on

9. If you do decide to take action; take no prisoners, a woman like that is pure vindictiveness and there are plenty of lawyers out there in the world who thrive on fucking over men at the behest of angry women. You've got to be prepared to be as ruthless as she is, if for nothing more than a survival mechanism

10. Run, run now, run fast and run until you've got the situation permanently in your favor.

That's my two cent for what they're worth...Good luck !

if you had to go to court to get custody of your son, what do you have that she doesn't have, that would make you more apt to get your son.
you have:

a secure home, you live with your mother. does your father live with your mother? where would your girlfriend live?

a secure job, you work for your father.

a career, you are working in a law firm which goes along with your schooling. does she even have a job? as what, a cashier at mcd's ?

a career, you are going to college to learn a skill. is she doing any schooling to learn a trade or have a career? or would she just collect welfare?

these are all things of value that would make you stronger in court.


don't sacrifice a value for a lesser value. decide what is valuable:

your son. he is more important then your beer and ����. don't leave him alone with her. she'll turn him against you.

your career: don't quit college or anything like that to make her happy.

your job: don't lose your job working with your father to please her. hopefully working with him will make your relationship with your father stronger. you said you came from a broken home, but your parents are still in your life: you work for him, and live with your mother. count your blessings. they are closer to you than you realize. and having loving grandparents makes your son a healthier human being. what about her parents? what are they like?

be patient and control your emotions. women are emotional creatures, and when they get you mad, now you are playing in their court. "love" is not getting mad and fighting with someone. don't fight with her, be patient and firm. your son will respect and love you for it.

stop and look at what you have, this situation isn't hopeless. i wish i'd gone to college. i think i could have been a lawyer. but i never had any positive support from my father. he is a pessimist and a defeatist. thankfully you have a father who is employing you, and is giving you practice in the career you have chosen.

don't get married until you have fulfilled your dream: to graduate and pass the bar.

beware: women are dream killers.


go with God.

Smoky said:

I don't want to kick her out because then she'll want to take my son away and I'll have to drag her ass into Court and it'll get real ugly real quick. My Dad's a lawyer and I've been working for him so we could probably win if it came down to that. But I don't want to be the reason that my son has a broken home. I grew up in one and I hated it. I'm at a loss as to what to do.

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This relationship is a disaster. Sorry, but I believe in brutal honesty.

She has real problems to up and move in with the army guy and then come running back to you when he's deployed. What's she going to do if you have to leave for law school, a great job offer, etc.? I think she has some serious maturity issues and has no concept of what your relationship should ideally be, and that's pretty sad with a kid in the picture.

I think you have two choices. The first is to work out your differences and you might start by getting family members and close mutual friends involved to suggest things, but I suspect this is going to escalate to professional conseling. The second choice is to fight for custody legally and kick her ass to the curb. That is guaranteed to be where this is headed if you simply do nothing, but you might try the relationship restoration route first.

This is fucked up. You've got a lot of work ahead of you if this is to end well. Good luck.