Building Confidence and Selfesteem

[Im2mackin]

Ok now i have been with this lovely girl of mine for 5 months now and i have kinda been hung up lately. She seems to have very low self-esteem and confidence. She wants to make it better and i want to help her. So yesterday i realize that her clothes arent ALL that so i take her out shopping and i get her alot of cute looking clothing...she has had a problem in that department as she has never wanted to buy clothes. She said when she goes shopping she brings $40 dollars with her and that is like never(she has financial problems but its ok she had just got a job). So what can i do to make her more confident and what can she do like read a certain book, take counseling, shes willing to go the whole nine yards. She realizes that i am a super-confident guy and me being with a girl that has very low self-esteem and confidence makes me feel like damn , im better than this girl maybe i should find someone better. She is gorgeous but she just cant see it in herself and i love her and want to stay with her. Suggestions bro's? TIA

 

[bcboy]

honestly the only thing that i can think of is keep doing what your doing and then pull a stunt like outta "she's all that" ( i think that is the name of the movie) where her apperance has changed to show all that you see in her and then take her out to a public event ( club, party, etc) where she will get noticed and maybe even hit on but dont take the hitting on serously just let it up your confidence and if you have to buy her a drink without her knowing and and have the waitress say its from someone else.

I mean just be confident that she won't leave you that night if someone actually is hitting on her

 

[philadelph]

I am with the same kind of girl right now, minus the financial stuff. I don't know what to tell you but I want to see what people have to say.

 

[Im2mackin]

When she's walking in public she has a habit of putting her head down and when she talks to me she kind of likelooks at me like like that with the head down. So yea that is a great idea bcboy! thanks! anyone else have any suggestions on what i should do to help my baby out.

 

[GrowthSpurts]

Hi Im2,

I have a girlfriend with a similar situation. I've known her about two years now and I'll tell you some of the things that have worked with her. First off, always find some way of complimenting her - whether you tell her she's pretty, or is very creative or whatever - but it has to be true from your perspective. In other words tell her the truth about the wonderful things she has to offer you and others but just doesn't see these qualities in her self because she is so self conscious.

And try to break her of the habit of not looking you in your eyes when you talk. This is THE most important thing. Simply tell her she has the most wonderful eyes and you would like to see them when she talks with you. You must keep at it over and over again because you really have to help her break some of the bad social habits she has developed over the years and we all know how difficult it is to break a habit - good or bad.

Further to my first point. By repeatedly saying good things about her she will eventually start to believe these things in herself. I tell my girlfriend frequently that she is very pretty and at first she always tried to deny it. But be firm and tell her you are only speaking the truth. Eventually she will stop denying it and much later she will start to believe it herself. It's kind of like when you tell someone over and over again that they're stupid - eventually they will start to think that they are. In this case you are just conditioning her to accept the good qualities that she has.

I hope this helps for starters. I know exactly the type of girl you've got there. Be sincere and honest and positive with her and you will reap the benefits - trust me.

 

[Im2mackin]

Thank you GrowthSpurts I really appreaciate you detailed post. I wish try it and see what happens.

 

[J05]

Perhaps instead of complimenting her and telling her how great she is, you should try the opposite approach and make facetious but not caustic remarks to tease her over her insecurities. If you make it sound ridiculous enough when you are teasing her, maybe she will realize how silly she is being all tied up over nothing.