The Seven Elements of Charisma


Jun 3, 2003

In Chapter I:

Charisma: An Overview The Seven Elements of Charisma

charisma (n) : a personal attractiveness that enables you to influence others

You bought this book because you're hoping that it will teach you how to find the one woman that you're looking for. That's your main mistake in life right there. You're out looking for Ms. Right, when in all actuality to get with Ms. Right you have to be Mr. Right in her eyes. So stop looking. And start being. If you're like 99 out of the average hundred guys, after reading our book you are in for a major transformation of attitudes. You are about to have your eyes opened. Most Guys spend their lives as slaves to their hormones, to their emotions. They pursue women, always hoping that they'll eventually meet "the right one." In the end, their dreams and ideals tease and taunt them all through life, torturing them with periods of confusion, frustration, and even depression. . .It truly doesn't have to be this way. HOW TO PICK UP WOMEN, 2003 focuses on three main aspects of the dating / relationship arena that most guys have never had any idea how to approach: Charisma. Seduction. Manipulation.

Some guys do get all the women.


IT'S THE SAME OLD SCENARIO: You and your friends want to hang out and go to a club, but you want a club where the women are attractive and have some class. There might be twenty or so nightclubs to choose from, but with standards like these you really only have four or five. And forget it - as much as your optimistic-adrenaline-testosterone self would like to believe, there is no such place as "Club Orgy." Bar hop all night, and you'll come closer to finding The Lost City of Atlantis before you'll find a club where the women that you've set your standards for are down for the one night action you've got on your mind.

Unless of course you've got some serious game. "Game" translates in all cultures to a similar state of mind: Charisma. But what exactly is Charisma? We'll tell you what it's not - It's not arrogance. And it's not pretentiousness. It's an aura that surrounds you, that attracts people to you. Great leaders in history understood this - Hitler entranced the small country of Germany into following him in a pursuit of World Domination. The greatest con artists used charisma to lull their victims into sometimes giving up fortunes and life savings. And actor's on screen portray it in their carefully written lines and parts, when in all reality they may lack true charisma off the set. Brad Pitt has charisma on the screen - and you can bet that he's not as charismatic off it. And remember Tom Cruise in Top Gun - every guy wanted to be like him for years after that movie came out.

Both of these actors are American icons, their on-screen personas developed over the years by numerous writers, directors, and people paid to teach "presence." You know, the same kind of people that instruct run-way models how to enter a room and command the attention of all just by the way they carry themselves.

Maybe an easy way to make the word charisma understandable is to define it as knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout. This takes discipline, which is acquired with practice. Actors are expected to rehearse the same parts over and over again to get things just right for the camera. Writers re-write their pieces sometimes repeatedly before their scripts are finally approved to begin a film shoot.

As an example of what we mention above, look hard at the fine detail that Hollywood uses to craft the "on-screen presence" of a main or central character. A main or central character must command attention throughout the film to hold the audience's interest. The more attention they command, through elements of intrigue, mystery, and action, the greater their on-screen presence (also referred to as persona). Many elements go in to this "on-screen presence" - these are elements of charisma.

But this is real life, not Hollywood. In reality, and as charisma applies to the social scene and to the women involved in the social scene, it's all about diplomacy.


The first element of charisma is "presence." Presence, as used here, refers to the quality of commanding respectful attention.

To further define presence, think of it more specifically as how you carry yourself. Picture a Lotus in a parking lot of Fords. The Lotus stands alone - as an Italian sports car, it's sleek and stylishly detailed compared to the conservative and boring Fords. It's not moving, it's not talking - it's not doing a thing and yet you've taken notice of it because of its detailed features. That is presence.

So what do you need to do create presence?
The following steps will get you will on your way:

Image is Everything: So Pay Attention to Detail

Dress in a style that is considered fashionable. Wear clothes that will get you compliments. You care about your image and it shows.

Your hair should be clean-cut and matching with current "GQ" styles. And yes, keep your face clean-shaven - this reflects youth.

Your complexion should be healthy - Tan, but not too much.

Your posture should make you appear to be confident and at ease with your surroundings.

Flaunt a sincere, friendly smile at strategic intervals (but don't over do it - learn to read when it is called for, and when it's not). * A sincere, friendly smile is a strong weapon. It breaks the ice, tears down people's walls, automatically paints you as a person of high self-esteem and confidence. ( * Refer to The Sixth Element: Diplomacy.)

What is your mind set? You are in a situation that requires a strong focus on tact and diplomacy. Meaning, knowing when to speak, and what to say when you speak, knowing when not to speak, and knowing how to carry yourself throughout.

How do your eyes follow the crowd? As if you're disinterested (meaning, you're not paying too much attention to any one person) - and that's because you feel that their is nobody worthy of your attention. In other words, you're never "star-struck" because you are the star. In the end, you're goal is to give off the impression that you're a prestigious person accustomed to ranking high in social circles - not even the blonde-bombshell walking by can shake this poise. You may cast a glance, but you're to prestigious to stare. *People around you WILL notice this and subconsciously decide that you ARE a person of prestige. (* Refer to Element II: "Regal Bearing").

In a world where most people lack a high level of self-respect, it is easy to stand out when you have it and it shows. And if you don't have a high level of self-respect (again, like most), then fake it. Take note - the trick to faking it is to fake it with sincerity (this will be repeated further along).

By themselves, these simple details regarding a positive, prestigious self-image don't accomplish much, but when packaged together they merge for great effect. And now you've created "presence."

For the most part, how you are regarded by others is how people you come into contact with will regard you. But if they don't know you from Adam, if you're a complete stranger to them, then they will subconsciously prejudge you and form an early opinion of you before EVEN MEETING YOU.

It is human instinct to look for patterns in the world around us. It is psychological, it is subconscious. We relate the situations we're presented with based on our passed experiences.

When creating an aura of charisma, you're using this instinct to your advantage (which most people can't control because they're unaware that it is something happening in their subconscious). Here's an analogy: If you look like a thug, you'll be prejudged as probably being a thug. If you look like your gay, you'll be prejudged as probably being gay. And if you look like a charismatic person used to respect and even admiration, you will be prejudged as a person who is probably charismatic and worthy of respect and even admiration.

Once you've been prejudged, it's that much easier to create the effect that you're after. Notice that we used the word "probably" in the above paragraph? We use the word "probably" to represent the other person's expectations. This is what he or she expects. And because they expect it, now it's that much easier to give it to them.

Many elements make up charisma; presence is but one. Most people don't understand the charismatic persona and can only assume that it comes naturally to some people. Maybe for a very rare and select few. For the rest of us, it is an acquired art - something that we practice in our daily encounters with others until it is developed over time. Charisma opens many doors and will get you into many places otherwise far off limits. It is a very influential tool when you want something. Of the three arts we go over, Charisma is the most powerful. We discuss it in-depth first because the other two arts require it to be truly effective (interestingly, charisma, and how it applies to meeting and dating women, is overlooked in even the most popular self-help books on the current market.)


bearing (n) : The manner in which one carries or conducts oneself

The most inclusive of the elements, bearing applies to both physical posture and general conduct: "He has the poise and bearing of a champion."

Bearing: Standing Tall

The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated. If you carry yourself as if you're a person aware of social graces, and if you carry yourself as if you're a person of prestige (you're used to having respect), for the most part you will be regarded in the same fashion. Act like an important person to be treated like one.


manner (n) : a way of acting or behaving

If your presence and regal bearing have given women the impression that you're an important person and that you're considered an important person by others, manner, as we use it here, refers to how you act and behave in relation. What, then, is the manner of a charismatic persona?

You put thought into your words and actions - you base what you do and say on how the other person will most likely react.

Before speaking to a person, you ask yourself: How is this person going to interpret my next few words? What kind of effect are they going to have? What effect is it that I'm going for? Will I sound like I know what I'm talking about? Or will I sound like a fool? Will I sound confident? Or will I sound cocky? Will I sound sincere, or will I sound fake? Will I come across as a good conversationalist, someone who listens more than he speaks? Or will I seem as though I talk too much and therefore am not a good conversationalist?

A charismatic persona is thought of as being a good conversationalist, among other things, and for you to continue to give off the aura of charisma that you initially gave off with your presence and regal bearing, then you need to be good at conversation. If you foul up the conversation process, then your whole charismatic presence and regal bearing are thrown out the window. And now that this woman has met you, she's made a new judgement of you. On the other hand, if you are (or at least seem to be) an exceptional conversationalist, the charismatic effect that you are going for will only be heightened.


finesse (n) : Refinement and delicacy of performance, execution, or artisanship

By now you've realized that many of these elements are very similar terms and carry similar definitions as each other. The first three elements, bearing, presence, and manner add together to stand for essentially the same thing: the way you carry yourself. They apply to a person's behavior. People judge other people on their behavior, especially since it reveals many distinctive personal qualities regarding their individuality or upbringing. As mentioned before, it is a subconscious habit to relate a new experience (for example, meeting someone new) with past experiences (people you've known or known of).

Suave. Smooth. Finesse. This is how you want to go about your act. You will need to think along these lines when focusing on presence, on bearing, on manner. You shouldn't be able to tell where one ends and the other begins. They should all merge into one, each small bodies coming together to form a smooth liquid unity.

Finesse: The Tricks of the Trade

Never seem to be in a hurry - hurrying betrays a lack of control over yourself, and over time.

Always seem patient, as if you know that everything will come to you eventually.

Your actions must seem natural and executed with ease - so when you act, act effortlessly, as if you could do much more. Cloak your focus on the elements (which will more than likely seem intense when you first start practicing the art) with outward cheerfulness and liveliness. Never let them see you sweat.

Practice being subtle ("subtle," as used here, means 'So slight as to be difficult to detect or analyze; elusive.').


enigma (n) : An action, mode of action, or thing, which cannot be satisfactorily explained

In a world growing increasingly dull and familiar, what seems enigmatic instantly draws attention. Especially when it comes to today's dating / relationship arena. Many women tend to rate guys in the same grouping: little self-control, jerks when they don't get what they want, egotistical, loud, boring, macho, aggressive. . . So anything you can do to distance yourself from this group of "typical guys" stands to get you noticed - because your distance cannot be quickly and easily explained.

The attraction of enigma can be explained as follows: It invites layers of interpretation, excites women's imagination, deceives them into believing that it conceals something exciting.

In the dating / relationship arena, if you've got true charisma women will come to you. They can read by your presence, bearing, and manner if you're the rare kind of guy that is used to having women pursue him, as a person with true charisma is, and in a woman's subconscious mind her dream guy (Mr. Right) is a guy with true charisma. (Most women never meet their dream guy.) So if you put off the aura, suddenly her imagination is going to take over and she's going to wonder. . . Take note - she hasn't even met you and subconsciously she's already comparing you to Mr. Right. In the end, her imagination fuels the attraction.

Imagination. . . This is why enigma is a powerful element of charisma. It was one of Casanova's secrets - women who had heard of his accomplishments wondered what made him so romantically successful. Their imaginations ignited, they had to find out for themselves. Scholars like to say that it was Casanova's skills of seduction that landed him all his women - but seduction really didn't have much to do with it, in this case. He'd never met these women and yet they wanted to get with him. "Popularity" is a common result of charisma. In this case it elevated Casanova to near celebrity status.

There you are - with your presence, bearing, manner, and finesse - women notice you and think, What is it about him that makes him stand out? Why does he look so confident? He looks like a success in life. . . What is it about him?

Enigma: Mystery in the Making

Never make it too clear what you are doing or about to do. Never reveal your plans or intentions.

Don't show all your cards. Keep things back by being purposely vague.

Be subtly unpredictable. Focus on the little things: If you're out on the nightscene, mix up your selection of drinks from time to time; don't frequent the same clubs; change your appearance slightly; grow a goatee for a few days; don't return a phone call immediately - return a phone call immediately. Make plans and be early - the next time be late; etc. . .

Important people impress by saying less - you should keep your words to a minimum - just enough to keep the conversation rolling... And don't volunteer much information about yourself - instead, get her to volunteer information about herself. But do this in a way that doesn't make you seem too inquisitive or too interested - both signs of someone with little self-control, and therefore someone lacking true charisma. The key here to this conversation is to be casual and non-aggressive. To accomplish the casual, non-aggressive attitude, one trick is to make yourself believe that you're not interested in her unless she goes out of her way to impress you. Make her "sell" herself to you with her words and personality. (When it's all said and done, she should be thinking that you were a "great person to talk to" - and then she'll realize that she doesn't know anything about you. Her imagination is ignited and she'll be back for more.)

An air of enigma heightens your presence; it also creates anticipation - everyone will be watching you to see what you do next. Enigma is an interesting element because it carries over into all three arts: It is used in Charisma. It is used in Seduction. And it is used in Manipulation. So make yourself familiar with enigma. Start practicing it on a daily basis with anyone you're in contact with. Then stand back and watch the results - you'll notice people paying you a lot more attention when you're around.

Don't imagine that to create an air of enigma you have to be beautiful or powerful. Enigma that is used in your day-to-day manner, and is subtle, has that much more power to ignite the imagination and attract attention. The fact is, most people are up front and pay little notice to their words or image. These people are completely predictable. By simply holding back, keeping certain things to yourself, and being deliberately vague, you will create an air of enigma. The people around you will then magnify that aura by constantly trying to read you. Imagination is a powerful fire - what wraps itself in enigma will almost always ignite it.


diplomacy (n) : Tact and skill in dealing with people; subtly skillful handling of a situation involving others

Diplomacy represents a mastery of social skills. In the art of charisma, having it will make you, and not having it will break you. It is the ability to relate with anyone and everyone that you meet on their level. You must change your style and your way of speaking to suit each person and each situation. This isn't lying - this is acting. And acting, especially as it applies to charisma, is learned. You must become a chameleon, your colors constantly changing to adapt to the social atmosphere around you. In politics, a diplomat is someone sent by his government to keep up or improve relations with other governments. Although inwardly he may detest this other government and its people, he never lets it show. Instead, he shows respect and honors their customs and they love him for it. He is careful never to offend, yet he's also aware that to retain their respect he can't seem an ass-kisser.

Diplomacy: The Secret to Highly Effective Social Skills

Never joke about someone else's appearances or taste, generally two highly sensitive areas.

Give compliments. Look for one or two qualities about a woman that make her stand out. It can be something in her personality, or simply the way she wears her eyeliner. By expressing compliments, you subconsciously call attention to things to compliment you on (even if she doesn't say them aloud). The ability to express compliments, and be sincere, is a rare talent, and usually she'll really appreciate it.

Be self-observant. Hold up a mirror to your words and actions. This can sometimes come from other people telling you what they see in you, but that's not the most trustworthy method. You must learn to put yourself in other people's shoes and see yourself as they see you. Are you kissing-ass? Are you acting too-cool? Do you seem too-serious? Are you acting too-comical? Do you seem desperate for attention? By keeping an eye on your words and actions you will avoid a thousand mistakes.

Practice modesty. While it's good to make your talents known, you can easily come across as bragging if you're not careful. All bragging will do is get you brushed away - no one likes hearing it.

Master your emotions - Just like an actor, you must learn to cry and laugh on command when it's appropriate. You must be able to disguise your anger and frustration and to fake your satisfaction and agreement. Use the same skills to cover up any nervousness you may experience - If you're ever even slightly nervous, hide it by focusing on appearing confident - look the other person in the eye, speak clearly and audibly (don't mumble or stutter), force a sincere smile.

Learn to be sensitive to the other person, listening for what they're really saying.

Learn to make people feel good about themselves (but do it subtly, as if you're unaware that this is what you're doing - remember enigma and make them wonder. . .).

These are the social skills your parents never taught you. In one word, they all represent charm. Think about it - A guy with sincere charm is usually liked by all. He's careful never to insult, never seems overbearing, he's always sensitive to the other person's likes and dislikes, and he never suffers social mishaps because he's constantly aware of what the effects will be of his words and actions.


allure (n) : the power to entice or attract through personal charm

Ah, the last of the elements. It is the essence of charisma. But without the other elements, it would never be reached. When we've mentioned "aura" as a part of charisma, allure is that aura. It is infective. Women and guys alike are drawn in. Suddenly you find yourself surrounded by many friends and girlfriends ("groupies"). And once in your presence (The First Element), it's hard for them to distance themselves - as long as you continue to pay attention to each individual element. For example, diplomacy: When you excel in diplomacy (The Sixth Element), you learn to make others feel better about themselves, becoming a source of pleasure to them. In fact, they grow dependent on your manner (The Third Element) to feel good about themselves. You may call them friends, but psychologically they become your followers. Other people read this - and enigma kicks in and heightens the effect: these other people start to wonder subconsciously: There must be something exceptional ("cool" or "charming") about you that's making people want to be around you. . . What is it? Imaginations start to race.

Suddenly we've revealed the truth to you - charisma and manipulation are very similar. At the beginning of this article we gave you a dictionary definition of the word charisma:

charisma (n) : a personal attractiveness that enables you to influence others

And now we'll do the same for manipulation:

manipulation (n) : exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage

If manipulation is a skill that is learned, then so is charisma. Con artists, it can be said, are the epitome of manipulation. When you think of a manipulator, you probably think of some slick-talking salesman or womanizer. You can see their acts from a mile away. But a true con artist, you can't see their act - they're so disguised in an aura of charisma, that even after you've been bilked of millions you have a hard time believing that this person, this business associate, this friend could have been responsible.

Charisma is enticing - you arise "hope" and "desire" in people. They see something about you, yet they have no idea what it is. What it is is an appeal to their ideals and yearnings: Delving into the subconscious, once again, most people have an inner desire to be appreciated, to be respected, to be liked by all. But most never have this desire quite fulfilled. In the end, they feel that you represent these things and that is the allure.

How long will it last? Practice enigma and they'll never know otherwise. If a person becomes familiar with you, sees you doing day to day things just like everyone else, then you will lose the aura of charisma because you've lost the element of enigma, and with it the element of allure.

Charisma is a mind game; the only way to keep it about yourself is to keep a distance from others, never letting them in your presence long enough to realize that you're just a well-dressed guy that knows how to look good and talk to people - a predictable act. Keep the enigma about you and you retain the allure.

And these are the seven elements of charisma.
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