The Legend of Torgan Jaenert


Jun 5, 2003
Torgan Jaenert would often squat until he induced thermonuclear diarrhea. Imagine colon debris pelting the interior of the commode with such horrific force as to impart fractures to the porcelain. But Jaenert considered this to be a "Badge of Courage," of sorts; if not a malodorous one.

Indeed, Jaenert actually employed the diarrhea an an integral piece of his training strategy. The crippling colon crisis would be a measure of intensity, of course, as well as a diuretic, assisting to shed water weight to promote greater definition & vascularity.

As Jaenert would squat twice weekly, and take a 14-day layoff each year, he would endure exactly 100 catastrophic lower G.I. events yearly. By the time he reached his early 30's, he had experienced well over a thousand squat-induced anal detonations. Jaenert began to notice more frequent bouts of rectal rebellion. Sometimes his diarrhea would begin before the squat session started. His concern grew as his diarrhea would appear on his benchpress day. Over time, he spent his off-days on the commode as well.

Soon he was placing an order for a butt-plug, thus beginning an endless odyssey for Jaenert: purchasing increasingly larger anal stops. Though he no longer trains, Jaenert still spends at least 4 hours of each day sitting on the commode; for the remaining 20 hours, he as a large rubber stopper jammed into his bunghole.

A reporter recently asked Jaenert if he had any regrets. Looking at the reporter with a mystified, wondering gaze, Jaenert shook his head and said, "No, of course not." Indeed, there are many lessons to be learned by Jaenert's experience....although, we can't figure out what the hell they are.


Active member
Jun 3, 2003
Reading that makes me want to take a dump.
Top Bottom