kong1971

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I am currently about five days into PMS week...or, as I like to affectionately think of it, "Hell on Earth" week. I have been married a little over ten years, so I thought I might write a little post to help prepare you younger guys mentally for this challenging component of all long-term relationships. I hope you find this article informative, and that it might arm you for the future, so that you too may one day declare with weary pride, "Yes, I am a PMS survivor."

Like I said, I've been married ten years. That's approximately 120 PMS cycles. That may seem like alot, but after the first thirty or so, you just kind of go numb. I'm saying this to comfort you. Honestly.

They say PMS stands for Pre-Menstrual Syndrome. I think it stands for "Pretty Much Screwed", cause that's what you are. To be honest, there's no way to get out of it unscathed, short of elephant tranquilizers or murder. Actually, now that I think about it, I tried elephant tranquilizers once, and they didn't work. I don't recommend them. I once thought about murder, too, but I was too scared she would get the drop on me.

The first rule of thumb, I suppose, is simply this: "Fear her, if you dare."

She may be the sweetest most innocent petite little chickie, nuturing and feminine and sili, but when those hormones start cranking-- and they will-- you will learn what real fear is. You will sniff your food for poison. You will look under your car to make sure the brake lines weren't cut. You will sleep with one eye open. The best thing to remember is that she probably won't try to kill you, but I ain't making any promises. When the cramps start, rationality goes out the window...with her humanity...and your dignity.

Second: "Know It's Coming."

Forewarned is forearmed...or something like that. My wife usually says this when her PMS is imminent: "Ooh, my scar feels like it's ripping open." She has had two c-sections delivering our children, and she will pull up her shirt and make me examine the little scar on her belly. I'm not sure if she's really hurting, or if she's just trying to make me feel guilty, but that is like my "sure sign." When I hear her say that, the hair on the back of my neck rises. Your woman will give you PMS signals, too, and the best thing to do is learn them...fast...

Another good sign is pre-PMS sex. Women get really raunchy before PMS week. I think evolution designed this into them in order to lull their mates and catch them unawares. If your woman storms into the bathroom while you're shaving and demands to be fucked hard over the sink, or trots into the closet while you're changing a light bulb and gives you an awesome BJ just because you're so sexy, be grateful...but know that "It's" on the way! You never get something for nothing...you're going to pay.

Third: "Roll With the Punches"

Expect anything. Crying jags. Laughing jags. Laughing and crying jags. Violence. Once, my wife stormed into the garage while I was working and threw an electric skillet at me. There was no reason for this action. It just had to be done. She missed-- cause I'm fast and she's a bad throw-- but I got blamed for her electric skillet breaking on the concrete garage floor. I guess I should have tried to catch it, but I was too busy diving out of the way.

Finally, learn to milk her "Post-Menstrual Syndrome Guilt"

The only good thing about PMS is, when it is over, they will feel guilty. The only thing that makes PMS worth living through is the Post-menstrual Syndrome guilt. It lasts about two days. Learn to milk it. When she seems to be getting over the PMS and is no longer frothing at the mouth and throwing small appliances, walk around the house with a haunted, mincing step. Flinch from her when she approaches you. She will feel incredibly guilty. If you are wanting an expensive peice of electronics or want her to do something nasty like ass-to-mouth, now is the time to suggest it, as her post-menstrual syndrome guilt will raise your success rate by something like 30%, guaranteed.

I hope this article helped. If you are in a long-term relationship right now, repeat with me, "I am a PMS survivor." Now exhale.
 
kong1971 said:
If your woman storms into the bathroom while you're shaving and demands to be fucked hard over the sink, or trots into the closet while you're changing a light bulb and gives you an awesome BJ just because you're so sexy,
hahaha been there before. I'm lucky my gf doesn't get pissed off during pms but she does get real emotional over things that she shouldn't. She calls it "head week" so I'm all set.
 
im lucky that the two relationships i've been in (both over a year-ish) the girls didn't really get that PMS-ey. it was usually about 1 every 3 times they'd get emotional and such.

personally my attack plan is to not have an attack plan, i don't treat them any different at all, and i respond to them exactly how i normally would.
 
My wife? Think Peg from Married With Children with Roseanne hormones! :D

I treat my wife the same, too, shithead. I just drink alot of coffee so that my reflexes are cat-like from caffeine and I can do some quick dodging and jigging.

Besides, wives are different from girlfriends. Wives will fart in front of you, and are not afraid to wreak bodily harm. Girlfriends are what I call "Wife Lite". Great Pussy, Less Bullshit.
 
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Gee Kong You've had it EZ! lol mine used to spend 2 days rolled up in a ball on the couch with a heating pad on her stomach covered up in blankets, even when it was 105 deg.
now days I find a reason to spend 18-20 hours outside of the house. for hell week. LMAO

pms= putting up with my shit?
=putting my stupid ass down?
=pulling on my shank for a week?
 
A fellow PMS survivor! I salute you, brother. I have about one more day to go, I think. She got mad at my youngest boy this morning for putting on shorts for school when it was 40 degrees out and made this loud, frightening kind of howling growl, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. She smiled and gave me a kiss this morning in the truck before she went shopping. Just have to stay out of trouble 24 more hours. About time to start milking that post-menstrual syndrome guilt! ;)
 
Brilliant post...
Just about pissed myself with the "Pretty Much Screwed" comment.
I'm with you on this one though. The girlfriend tries to tell me "she doesn't get PMS". Well, we all know that's a load of bs. I've been dating her for just over a year and I already have her cycle scheduled into my Outlook calendar. Seriously, I have a 4 day chunk that tells me 'PMS Warning' and others telling me 'period starts' and 'period ends'. (This has saved my ass tons)
Now, her being on the pill allows all of this happen on an exact 28 day cycle so its totally predictable. (Thank god for that) Hey, why not right! Better to know that you’re not getting laid, than to have to figure it out the hard way.

Knowing she's PMSin' stops me from freaking out back at her, getting pissed and dumping her ass on the spot.

I've obviously come to the conclusion that PMS is totally out of a woman’s control. You can even go so far to say, that they don't even know that they're going through it while it’s happening. Being hormonal, it’s a chemical reaction that they have no control over. Asking a woman to not have PMS is like asking some who suffers from depression to cheer up. Both are reactions that people are unable to rationally step away from.

“I’m a PMS survivor”.
 
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:D

Good post!

I was right about the Post Menstrual Syndrome Guilt. Man, I got her down pat! She comes into the store after shopping and sits in the office with me. She's like, "What's wrong?" I'm like, "Huh? Nothing's wrong." She then apologizes for the last few days, tells me she's going to go home and rest so she can give it to me good tonight and make up for the last few days.

Someone's getting head for at least 20 minutes tonight! I love PMS guilt! :)
 
sometimes woman are drama queens lol what about us men? we have our issues....our dicks for starters lol
 
There's gonna be something "issuing" from my dick, tonight-- nyuck-nyuck-nyuck! :D I better not get too excited, cause you never know with PMS. She could have a relapse! It has been about four or five days now, and I am getting super horny. I keep fantasizing about her rubbing her tits on my dick. She has tig bitties, and that gets me going hot and heavy. Down, boy!
 
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