Phone Blunders, Rules, and Lies


Staff member
Jun 3, 2003
You've met a new woman and you've got her
number. Now the uncertainty starts...

How long should you wait to call?

What if you get her voicemail... should you
leave a message?

When you call, what should you talk about to
leave a good impression?

Is it best to get a phone number or email?

In this article I will answer these questions
and dispel some harmful myths surrounding
these issues. I'll give you the exact phone
strategies that I use in my personal life (to
get great results :).


Of all the aspects of dating that could get
attention "rules" pertaining to the phone
have have gotten the most. I'm sure you've
heard of the famous "3 day rule" (waiting
three days to call a woman back after getting
her number).

But is the "3 day rule" really best?

I recently sent out an online survey to find
out how many days most men wait before
calling a woman back. You can take the survey
and view the results here:

As you can see from that link, most men wait
about two days before calling a woman back.
But, the question still remains... is that
the "right" amount of time to wait?

Here's the thing... there is no "right"
amount of time to wait. True, waiting will
make you seem less eager but, in the end, it
doesn't really matter. In other words, how
long to wait, in spite of how much people
seem to worry about it, is really a

Creating attraction is what matters when
dealing with women - how long you wait to
call is such a miniscule part of creating
attraction that it is almost irrelevant. I'm
a big believer in focusing on what matters...
and this isn't it.

Most men seem to be waiting two days and that
is perfectly fine. Just use your head.


I'm going to tell you my strategy for calling
women and I'll tell you why I do it this way.

++ Day 1: ++

When I call a woman for the first time and
she doesn't pick up the phone I don't leave a
message. I may call back later that night but
usually I don't. Most people have caller ID
these days so calling more than that would
seem incredibly needy to most women (with
good reason). Rule # 1 is never call more
than twice in one night.

++ Day 2: ++

Now, if I call the next night and she still
isn't home then I figure this is a busy
woman. I DON'T figure that she is avoiding me
and flush her number down the toilet.
Assuming a woman is avoiding them this early
in the game is a common mistake that most
insecure, pessimistic men make... and they
miss out because of that. Rule # 2 is to not
assume she is avoiding you just because you
can't reach her (at least not yet).

Note that I will only call once on the second

++ Day 3: ++

I don't call. Rule # 3: Never call more than
two days in a row if you can't reach her.

++ Day 4: ++

I call and leave her a message to call back.
If she doesn't call back I assume she's not
interested. If she does call back then she's
interested. Rule # 4: If you don't get a call
after leaving a message assume she's not

Following these 4 rules will keep you from
looking like a fool (which will make her lose
respect and attraction for you).


Personally, I hate talking on the phone. I
only use the phone to set up dates and I
recommend this for other men too.


Again, the ultimate goal is creating
attraction. The phone just isn't good for
that. Face-to-face meetings create attraction
because there is the potential for chemistry
and positive emotions. The phone just doesn't
offer the same level of intimacy and tension.

When I call a woman I will ask her how she is
doing, I'll make a little small talk, I'll
set up a date, I'll tell her to have a good
day, and I'll get off the phone. I save the
real conversation for when we are out
together. Most importantly, just be friendly,
cheerful, and relaxed. There is nothing worse
than talking on the phone with someone who is
nervous or monotone.


Lately there has been a lot of talk about
getting a woman's email rather than her phone
number. The logic behind this is that while a
woman may not be comfortable giving you her
phone number an email address is less
intrusive and less "stigmatized" (word?).

While this is true, I think it's still better
to get the phone number and I think most guys
would agree. The only time I would ever
recommend asking for the email address is if
I was really unsure whether she was
interested... and I mean REALLY unsure.
Otherwise, go for the gold. Going through
email just has the potential of complicating
things beyond what is necessary.

There you have it. I hope that I was able to
clear up these issues and provide you with
some good, solid tips you can use.

Have fun.