Performance Anxiety on new girls

Everytime I meet a new girl on dates or flings. I get all worked up about sex and when we finally get down to it, I go limp dick. It's a fucking embarrassment and I usually blame the alcohol. But this shit happens when I'm sober too so I know it's all in my mind. I get rock hard every morning so I know I have no problems with my erection. And I don't have problems with sex because I get up just fine with my past flings that I've had sex with on occasion. It's only when I meet someone new. I MEAN FIRST SEXUAL IMPRESSION makes or breaks the chances of further encounters with the girl. Why the hell am I working so hard on P.E and shit when my tool goes limp. Sometimes if I'm lucky, some girls are okay with it because they actually like me and try again after a few times and I'll get over it, no more problems. But man, for those one night stands or first time, it's a slap on the face.

I just need some advice on how to rid this stupid shit from happening on my first encounters. I was really chillax about sex from the gecko, and now I've turn into a nervous wreck about it.

Dude I've had the same issue with EVERY girl I've had sex with the first time. Sometimes I can get like a 70% erection, but I will never cum the first time. Then I'm worried she thinks that's my full size. This is completely mental. I usually end up explaining it to them because they get offended that I don't cum. I have Viagra now so I'm never really worried about it. The second encounter is always fine for some reason. It's so much pressure to perform. One thing I know for sure is if you're worried that it'll happen, then it will definitely happen.

Chill out and have confidence!

If you've had a lot to drink, that actually can just be "liquor dick" and not mental. The thinning of the blood, and desensitized dick never make for good EQ.. It certainly doesn't help blood flow either..

Just relaxing, having lots of foreplay, and filling your mind with things that turn you on instead of doubts that you won't perform well, will help a lot.

I am the same way. Before I became celibate I had a very long, winding road of women that, no matter how many times I would go through it, I would have anxiety. For me, I always take a deficiency and use it to benefit myself, there is nothing I am given that I will not make as good as I can! So for me, I let the anxiety float to another area, an area I created, one that was a place of obsession too but a positive one...I pretended the anxiety belonged to my "Inability to Get Off Quick Enough" Yes, it seems funny in ways but believe me, the mind will attach to whatever you feed it. Always take the ugly and make it beautiful!

I like that, dld
You rewrote your self talk. Awesome.

I've never had the issue of a shy penis. Thank you God.

What I worried about was shooting off too quickly. Happened maybe once but otherwise, been blessed with decent stamina, even on firsties.

Now, with my soon-to-be ex wife, she actually revelled in her ability to make me cumulative quicker. Kinda like an a acheivement. "That's right! My pussy feels sooo good you can't handle it huh?!" Yep.

But I have a long term view. I know I can be up again in 5-15 minutes given sufficient shimilation. And I'm talented in other aspects of the total lovemaking picture... (yes, book I'm ghostwriting. True)
So I know I can give a massage, do oral sex, just romantic chit chat, clitoral orgasm fingering, g-spot orgasm or at least try... make out kiss, whatever's and go again.
I'm good for 3-6 times on a good day.
That is a place I hope you all can get to, bros.

Meanwhile I am interested in getting more true control of my responsiveness and orgasm control. So I'm studying and kegeling etc here... gotta do the week long workshop in that Mos ejac control thread finally.

i've been there and it fucking sucks. tp the member who recommended viagra, how much do you take and does it actually work? i might have to try that.

You know, I just realized what may be why I've never had that issue of wont get up...? I been kegelling.intermittently for my 30 years+ of sexual career. Not constantly mind you nor intensely but every gal has been impressed by my ability to make it bounce. I hung a towel off it impressing wife.

I have made a point to ask her to hold still in missionary and "feel this!" And then pumped kegels inside their pussy. Last 3 lovers I did that. It inspires them! What I wanted was to find out if they could do it too .. ie if they could kegels fuck me and so suck me off with their pussy. Found only one ever could.

Btw, kegels give me the most awesome intense orgasms, and I can extend them and make it throb inside her for maybe 20+ pumps of dry orgasm after the semen runs out. They love that!

Kegels bro. Even I gotta do more.

LoveHerDeeply;554478 said:

You know, I just realized what may be why I've never had that issue of wont get up...? I been kegelling.intermittently for my 30 years+ of sexual career. Not constantly mind you nor intensely but every gal has been impressed by my ability to make it bounce. I hung a towel off it impressing wife.

I have made a point to ask her to hold still in missionary and "feel this!" And then pumped kegels inside their pussy. Last 3 lovers I did that. It inspires them! What I wanted was to find out if they could do it too .. ie if they could kegels fuck me and so suck me off with their pussy. Found only one ever could.

Btw, kegels give me the most awesome intense orgasms, and I can extend them and make it throb inside her for maybe 20+ pumps of dry orgasm after the semen runs out. They love that!

Kegels bro. Even I gotta do more.

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Wait. I think you're on to something here. Although I've pointed out my problem is completely mental, I think a powerful PC muscle would leverage me out of my mental state. To add, this never happened as a teenager/young adult. It only happened after I began doing P.E, (not to say P.E hinder my performance by any means), but because I've became fixated with the ideal size penis. Since then, I felt nervous especially towards someone new. The thought started to spin out of control and here I am, attacked by anxiety every new encounter.

One thing I've always neglected in my routine was Kegels (mainly because there's no visual results), fuck me. Gotta add this back into it and see if my situation improves. Thanks Guys! I feel hopeful.

Penis EnlargementnTraining;554483 said:

Wait. I think you're on to something here. Although I've pointed out my problem is completely mental, I think a powerful PC muscle would leverage me out of my mental state. To add, this never happened as a teenager/young adult. It only happened after I began doing P.E, (not to say P.E hinder my performance by any means), but because I've became fixated with the ideal size penis. Since then, I felt nervous especially towards someone new. The thought started to spin out of control and here I am, attacked by anxiety every new encounter.

One thing I've always neglected in my routine was Kegels (mainly because there's no visual results), fuck me. Gotta add this back into it and see if my situation improves. Thanks Guys! I feel hopeful.

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I concur, Dr. with your diagnosis. Glad my experience inspired you.

It sounds like you've psyched yourself into being overly penis concious, and EQ worried, instead of confidently enjoying exploring your new partner... and so you've created this self-filfilling prophecy of E.D. being young, this is your big head cockblocking your other big head.

Treatment 1, kegels. 2, maybe stick with a regular gal or fuckbuddy as you seemed to describe, until your confidence grows.

Pe is known to cause EQ issues. I'm having it doing PT and SSJs for the first time ever...

So you can actually see results. Do a kegels right now and see how long you can flex. Bet you get burn,/cramp feel quick.

So get it up then make it bounce. There's a visual too.

I think its Redzulu has a crazy awesome kegels routine stickied here somewhere. Go find it and get bouncin! -)

I have had that happen also. Always w first timers. Now I carry a couple hard to see cock rings with my condoms. If it happens I slap the cock rings on before the condom and the erection problem is gone. Plus it adds a lot of girth for me.

I'm on my first bottle of vitalikor which is a "male enhancement" pill that gnc sells. I must say that I am impressed with it. Even with one pill (normal dose is two) it gives me better erection stamina and overall fluff for almost two days. Tends to give me a bit of a migraine like headache though but not super bad.

I agree with working on kegels to help decrease this problem... Although right now I have a woman and don't have to worry about the first sexual encounter, I have had this similar issue in the past. There are a couple of things that helped me.. First and foremost, I stopped putting females on a pedestal. Some might know what I mean, basically I got anxiety right before sex because I was concerned with what she would think, or if I would perform well... all based on what impression would be left afterward. For me that was a big problem because it focused my sexuality on another person, which in my opinion is NOT where your sexuality should start at least. It should start from within, and although it sounds funny, as a man you have to feel sexy with yourself. This has helped me draw more women to me, and has also kept me away from the wrong type of women in my life. Most women are beautiful in one way or another, and for that reason there is no point in having sex unless the chemistry is right (more fish in the sea). Although some may disagree, I feel that with the right sexual chemistry, meaning that I am drawn to her and her to me, I can't help but get erect, happens by itself automatically. A few exceptions would be too much alcohol, exhaustion, other things on the mind, or too close from my last ejaculation. No matter how attractive she may be, for it to work, I've got to know she feels lucky to be getting with me, as well as I to her. I have seen this equation very one sided, with just the men feeling lucky to be about to get laid. I think one key to feeling this out is foreplay. From light messing around you can see how she intends for the dynamic to be. With this mindset, I have even had a girl naked in my bed with her ass up in the air, and I felt something wasn't right. I stopped it and let her get dressed. Maybe extreme, but my dick wasn't hard, and it was because her vibe was all about me pleasing her only. I have no problem doing that but at the time I had no problem getting women who wanted to please me equally. I'm sure she thought I was arrogant, but really I had learned my lessons prior and didn't care to let her drain my energy like that. Sex is about uplifting each other.... For these reasons, I think one night stands aren't for every type of man, but also as a first encounter with a woman you are dating, taking her off the pedestal and making SURE she really turns you on, not in your mind, but in your Penis EnlargementNIS first, will help in addition to kegels and exercises. I've heard women talk about fucking a dude only if something about him made her pussy tingle. Although it may be hard as a man to approach how we deal with women this way, I think it is the difference between being "friends" and "lovers." I dont want to date a friend, I want to date a lover, and build from sex up to intellect. just my 2 cents

My cure for your problem is pussy eating. I just eat a girls pussy and after a while I get sop turned on my dick is like a brick.

All you guys have to relax about your dick size a little. Unless you have a 2" dick most girls will be fine with it especially after a clit lashing. (pirate term for oral sex.)

Girls can't see how big it is when it's stuffed up inside her. And if you feel she may think it's too small, just rub it on her asshole a bit and she'll think it's too big. he he

Throw one more thing out for technique .. cos anyone can be dumb -- or exhausted or drunk: You don't -have- to be 100% wrought iron erect, before the fact, to get in there...

With the girl already juicy, obviously, you could just do a couple of kegels to get blood flowing in the right direction, grab yourself low at the base, and squeeze that thing with your hand so all the blood (what there is of it at that point, anyway) expands up into the top half .. making the top half erect and perfectly capable of getting in there for a second. You're also kinda doing a 'Uli' .. so the girl isn't going to be thinking 'wtf is this limper doing?', she'll think 'omg that head is smokin big, this is gonna be good'.

Seriously, repeat this 'Uli Dip' three or four times max and your dick will abandon your ignorant overthinking brain and go into "oh yeah ninja that's some sweet hot p-ssy" mode. Then just slow stroke for a bit and you're gold, well ... wood.

Like you're saying, it works fine for waking up rock hard. It's your brain that's screwing it up. Give it a few dips to set itself on autopilot, it knows what to do.

Two caveats:

1) don't get acrobatic if you need to resort to this. It works, but some mechanism is trying to hold you back and could still fight with you if you're pulling out to get all Kama Sutra everywhere ...

2) "Why the hell am I working so hard on P.E. if" -- If you're going too intense at Penis Enlargement, you're messing with your unit's epithelial function and you'll get erection degradation. The mind can wander all over the place during sex, heck 'focusing on baseball' or whatever on purpose is a cliche for a reason. But if you have actual (temporary but) physical degradation of your erection quality already.. then any mind wandering can sabotage you because you're not at full power in the first place. To beat this, to stay more focused, make a real personal connection with the other person .. rather than just a physical connection with your crotches.

Last thing, and this applies to any aspect of your life.. not just sex. Your subconscious is ridiculously powerful ... and it doesn't program in negative modes.

You're thinking 'don't mess up and go soft' (or whatever) but the mind doesn't work in negative mode and what your subconscious hears is 'mess up and go soft'.

... Not super useful.

'OMG what if I can't keep it up?' ... subconscious hears 'I can't keep it up'.

'Dammit, what if I just go soft again" .. subconscious hears 'go soft again'.

You've gotta work that sh*t in an Affirmative mode. 'This chick is bangin hot!' , etc , ...

And do it a lot because you're already habituated into negative scripting. It can take a while to derail your old rut and rut-in new habits.

Forward programming affirmative scripting for your subconscious can boost your entire game too because (leaking as confidence) it also affects body language...

After years of messing with the concept (and of doing Penis Enlargement) I simplified the entire thing personally .. when dealing with any female, whether they're a potential partner or not, .. to 'My Nine Inch Cock Makes Babies'.

Wear -that- when meeting and dealing with females. :cool: You don't have to pull out a ruler. Just use it for the effect on body language. Own it. Unless smirking and making women blush can secretly cause cancer, I've never seen a single downside.

Asanon, that's great self-talk, man! If we are psyching ourselves out, good positive self-talk is how to psych ourselves in. Nice lines. I can just see that cocky grin... hell I've worn that cocky grin.

When you have that confidence that you Know you can pleasure your partner and self together,and you're leading your woman to bed, or she's leading you... heheh its a great feeling.

"I am a stud!"
"Lets see if she can handle 'Sequoia' tonight"
"Yeah she wants this. I'm gonna make her cum all over my wood"
"Watch This grow on command, baby!"
"I can keep it up Aalll night if I want to."
"She loves my thick dick stre-e-t-t-c-ching her wider... mmmm yeah!"

Cockfidence! Its what's for dinner. Heh.

Without the right name for it, uli-dip is a good one, I've done that exact move. (Several goes into the middle of honeymoon... it was tired) great term. Perfect. Unless you've just gone numb from severe hanging or noose stretching, that aught to get you in so you can feel her... which aught to inspire the bloodflow.

I also suggest remembering the best sex you ever had, or best move ever... as something to try again... at the right moment, that positive fantasizing having something awesome to look forward to doing again right now... can trigger that wood too.

Also, nothing wrong with being kneeling between her open legs, taking g two fingers and curling or thrusting them across her g-spot. Great way to delay entry while you grow hard, which frankly, seeing your fingers fucking her, sweet wet lips spread around your fingers, and her likely sounds of enjoyment... can be inspiring. Some like this rather hard and fast thrusting. Seen vids like Jason julious' free video demoing his orgasm arts g-spot moves? Do that.

That's an awesome feeling by the way, to follow up giving her an oral or manual O and now she craves for your cock inside her right now while she's throbbing from the orgasm... wow. Best feeling ever and I never once had trouble being rock hard and ready to join her. Try it.

Penis EnlargementnTraining;553536 said:

Everytime I meet a new girl on dates or flings. I get all worked up about sex and when we finally get down to it, I go limp dick.

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It happens, it's not the end of the World. I used to have this problem on and off when I was younger but with age I've gotten more relaxed about it. If anything, now I have the altogether more agreeable condition that if I'm with someone new (very rarely these days) I get so hard it hurts and I can't come to save my life. But, I did learn a thing or two from my earlier troubles (some of this recaps earlier posts).

• Go for the positive self-talk. This is the time to pull out every "Dear Penthouse" fantasy you've ever had where beautiful women throw themselves at you. Corny but it works. The mind is powerful, use it.
• Be there for her. Like someone said, go down on the woman in question. There are few guys that can "resist" the sounds of a woman having a really good time. By the time your face is all wet chances are you've forgotten whatever preoccupied your mind ("limp what?") and you've established yourself as a good lover.
• Tease her. If you can get semi-erect then either use the "grab-and-dip" mentioned earlier or just let the underside of your head glide against her clit. Having a woman squirming under you from the touch of your dick has a tendency to override any conscious thought and put you in HIT THAT! mode. The mind can trip you up at times but biologically speaking your crotch rules all. At a certain point it will take over.
• Turn her over. Sounds kind of weird, I know, but this allows you to massage her ass and the inside of her thighs (again, woman squirming under you touch) while you can discreetly work on your wood. This is also a nice way of not seeming too Gung-Ho about her box. Setting EQ aside, if given the chance most guys would just eschew foreplay entirely and just slam it in. Same when we actually engage in foreplay, we go straight for the pussy and even if in a sexual situation that's not always what a woman wants/needs. By going the indirect route, essentially teasing her by not quite touching the good stuff, she will have a really good time. Anticipation is good stuff. And then you just rub her labia a little. Lastly, if you manage to stay soft when putting a thumb in her pussy, she's all wet, and makes sounds that threaten to wake the neighbors...

No go forth and bed women!!

PEnTraining said:

Everytime I meet a new girl on dates or flings. I get all worked up about sex and when we finally get down to it, I go limp dick. It's a fucking embarrassment and I usually blame the alcohol. But this shit happens when I'm sober too so I know it's all in my mind. I get rock hard every morning so I know I have no problems with my erection. And I don't have problems with sex because I get up just fine with my past flings that I've had sex with on occasion. It's only when I meet someone new. I MEAN FIRST SEXUAL IMPRESSION makes or breaks the chances of further encounters with the girl. Why the hell am I working so hard on P.E and shit when my tool goes limp. Sometimes if I'm lucky, some girls are okay with it because they actually like me and try again after a few times and I'll get over it, no more problems. But man, for those one night stands or first time, it's a slap on the face.

I just need some advice on how to rid this stupid shit from happening on my first encounters. I was really chillax about sex from the gecko, and now I've turn into a nervous wreck about it.

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Tube down on the masturbation if you are doing it and also remember it's all in your mind. You keep telling yourself that this is the first time and that thought might be killing your urge.