Male Sexuality: Information for Single, Unattached Men


Jun 3, 2003
Male Sexuality: Information for Single, Unattached Men
The issue of male sexuality as it relates to single, unattached men who are not having sexual relations with a partner has always been an interesting one to me. Some men are single by choice: others are single as a result of uncontrollable events that have taken place in their lives. Among those who are single by uncontrollable events that have taken place in their lives are those who are divorced or widowed, and some who are disabled. There are also those who for, whatever reason, choose not to find a partner for sexual relations. Some men simply prefer a life of being single and unattached: others choose an occupation such as becoming a Catholic Priest, which requires a vow of celibacy.

Being in this situation is a problem only if the man believes it is a problem. I have talked to a lot of single, unattached guys. Most, though not all, view this as a transitory phase of heir lives, and expect to at some future point to find a sexual partner. Some, however, see living single and unattached as essentially a permanent situation, and they have no particular interest in finding a sex partner. Some people might argue that many of those who fall in the latter category have low sex drives, that is, they are not driven by the same sexual chemistry which dominates society, but this is clearly not true in all cases.

Another category of men who face an interesting set of issues are those who, by virtue of their occupational choices, must be away from their sexual partner for long periods of time for business or other work related travel. The media stereotype is that many, if not most of these men have sexual partners waiting for them at the locales where they are working away from home. Obviously, this describes the behavior of some men, but not the majority, I believe.

I've observed that the vast majority of divorced men quickly enter into a sexual relationship with another woman, this despite the psychological turmoil as a result of the divorce. Very few divorced men remain divorced for very long. However, I've also observed that a significant number of divorced women remain single, far more so than is true for men. While these women may have the opportunity to engage in sexual relations with men while they are single, I'm convinced that the real explanation lies in the differences in how the sex drive works in men versus women. Men are likely to see intercourse as being of major importance to their lives: Women, however, see intercourse as just one component of what a relationship is all about, and if the other components are not there, there is no point in sexual intimacy. So women who do not find the other things they are looking for in a relationship generally stay single. For women, sex is very enjoyable, but not so enjoyable that its worthwhile even when the other conditions necessary for intimacy have not been met. besides, if the other conditions have not been met, sex is not even that enjoyable for most women. John Gray puts it this way: men want to feel needed--women want to feel cherished. That's a good way of describing the differences.

Widowed men are another interesting category, usually older than divorced men, Healthy, active widowers have demographics in their favor. Women tend to live longer than men, and there is always a big selection of widows seeking healthy, active males for companionship. Thus, a widower in good health is likely to have many potential partners to choose from.

Much of what goes on within the Catholic priesthood with respect to male sexuality remains a mystery to me. Not only do Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy, the Catholic church continues to have very "traditional" attitudes toward birth control, masturbation etc. But Catholic priests do have "housekeepers" and I am aware of an instance where a live-in housekeeper provided services that went well beyond cleaning the rectory. How commonplace this is, however, I have no idea, as Catholic priests have not exactly been writing to the "Male Sexuality Questions Answered " web page. As a practical matter, the Catholic Church's position on issues such as masturbation and birth control is sadly outdated. According to one of my readers, materials supplied to adolescents by the Catholic Church indicates that the Church regards a "wet dream" as normal, that is, not sinful. That is certainly good to know! My medical guide's assertion cited earlier that "every viable male should have a periodic release of sperm" in order to maintain good general health gives pause for concern about the general health of priests who follow the doctrine of the Church to the letter. I would welcome additional letters that are able to fill in some of the details as to what actually goes on here.


Jun 3, 2003

This is an excellent thread and obviously well researched. I guess I fall into the "transitory phase" group I suppose. I, unfortunately as it may be, have a high sex drive. Unfortunate in that there is no outlet. This transitory phase I am in now right now has been way too long. I'm in my late 30's and have never been married. Close once, but no cigar as the expression goes.

Is this is a problem? For me, yes it is. I am not the most outgoing person and therefore have problems meeting people. If there is someone I find interesting and attractive, well of course they are unavailable and/or uninterested themselves. Just the way it is.

Yes, there are alternatives. I, on occasion have used an escort service, but you know, it's not that satisfying once all is said and done. In my worst moments, I figure that I'll spend the rest of my life going to some singles "resort" for a week or so on an annual basis. You know, almost guaranteed to be laid kind of place, but then what do you do the other 50 weeks of the year??

By the way, I grew up in an Italian Catholic household, so I know all about priestly celibacy. I have become cynical enough to believe that a good percentage of priests are "getting it" on the side. That makes me feel real good, geez, even the good Father is getting it!

Oh well, just another goal of mine to work on. Thanks for the thread, had to vent a bit.

Top Bottom