June 8, 9 and 10 in History


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Jun 10 1692

Bridget Bishop is hanged at Gallows Hill near Salem, Massachusetts after having been convicted of "certaine Detestable Arts called Witchcraft & Sorceries." Bishop is just the first casualty of what will come to be known as the Salem Witch Trials.

Jun 10 1942

The town of Lidice (Loditz) is liquidated by the Nazis as penalty for the assassination of Adolf Hitler's favorite general, Reinhard Heydrich. Every adult male is killed, the women sent to the camps, and the town bulldozed.

Jun 10 1973

The 17-year-old grandson of J. Paul Getty is abducted in Rome. When the kidnappers demand a $17 million ransom, the billionaire refuses. "I have 14 other grandchildren, and if I pay one penny now, then I will have 14 kidnapped grandchildren." After the grandson's severed ear arrives in the mail, Getty finally coughs up the money.

Jun 10 1980

Percy Wood, president of United Airlines, receives a parcel at his home in Lake Forest, Illinois. Inside is a copy of the book Ice Brothers by Sloan Wilson. When he opens the book, it suddenly explodes, throwing shrapnel into Wood's hands, face, and thigh. The book turns out to be a present from the Unabomber.

Jun 10 1999

Outside on the front lawn of his Miami home, Russell Cameron is covered with trash and doused with gasoline. Then his lunatic nephew, Thomas Pellechio, sets the pile on fire and runs away. When police arrive, they discover a 12.5 inch Oriental sword in Cameron's rectum, rammed in all the way up to the hilt.


Jun 9 68

Rather than suffer a Senate-imposed death by flogging, Nero implores his secretary Epaphroditus to slit his throat. The freedman complies, giving the condemned emperor a quick death, just as centurions arrive at the villa to haul him away.

Jun 9 1930

Jake Lingle, a reporter for the Chicago Tribune, is shot dead gangland-style at the Illinois Central train station underpass, during rush hour. Dozens of people witness the murder, and the Leo Vincent Brothers are caught four months later after an intensive manhunt. Lingle was allegedly killed over a $100,000 gambling debt owed to Al Capone.

Jun 9 1980

In the midst of a cocaine binge, comedian Richard Pryor attempts suicide by dousing himself with rum and setting it ablaze. The self-immolation attempt goes haywire when the flaming man leaps from his apartment window and runs down the street, screaming in agony. Pryor barely survives the incident, and only after six weeks of intensive care and three skin graft surgeries.

Jun 9 1999

Honduran officials warn that, due to years of inadequate maintenance and obstructions caused by hurricane Mitch, the clogged sewers in Tegucigalpa pose an imminent threat to human life. They announce that the water treatment system includes tanks clogged with fecal matter that could disastrously explode at any moment.

Day before

Jun 8 632

The prophet Mohammed, founder of Islam, dies in Mecca. One can safely assume he is at this very moment reclining on a soft couch somewhere in Paradise, being serviced by a high-bosomed virgin with dark eyes.

Jun 8 1967

34 American servicemen are killed and 171 wounded when the highly-conspicuous U.S.S. Liberty is strafed twice in 75 minutes by Israeli fighters and torpedo boats. The American spy ship happens to be sitting in international waters, 15 miles off the coast of Egypt, monitoring unfolding events of the Six Day War. Israel soon labels the incident a regrettable "error," claiming that they did not realize it was an American ship. For some reason, the United States pretends to accept this laughable explanation as well as a large restitution payment for the damage incurred by the vessel.

Jun 8 1986

Former UN Secretary General and Nazi war criminal Kurt Waldheim is elected president of Austria. One year later, the U.S. Justice Department places him on a watch list of undesirable aliens, making Waldheim the first foreign head of state legally forbidden from visiting America.

Jun 8 1998

The President of Nigeria, general Sani Abacha, dies of apparent heart failure during a Viagra-driven romp with three Indian whores. Abacha is quickly buried the following day without an autopsy or even a state funeral, fueling speculation that the general may have been poisoned by political rivals. Abacha stole more than $4 billion during his five years as dictator, and his widow Maryam is captured shortly thereafter attempting to flee the country with 30 suitcases full of American currency.

Jun 8 1999

The government of Colombia announces that it will include the estimated value of its illegal drug crops, exceeding half a billion dollars, when calculating its Gross National Product.

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