Bad first sexual encounter... couldn't get hard.

cornell

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Jan 14, 2004
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21
I am 20 years old and just had my first sexual encounter the other day. Unfortunittly, it was one to forget. Usually, I have no problem getting and maintining an erection, when I Penis Enlargement, watch Porn, or just feel like jerking off, etc.

But yesterday, for the first time ever a woman tried to give me a handjob. However, I just couldn't get hard. Even when I could get an erection, it would be a really crappy one and wouldn't last. It wasn't her fault, I showed her exactly what I wanted, and how to do it, and she was fine. I think I just got a little stage fright. We tried a few hours later in the day... unforunittly, same problem. I am a very shy person by nature, if that matters. I really want this realationship to last, and I can tell sex will be an intricate part of our relationship (I hope?!?!?!)

The second time around, I realized that it was probobly more me than her. She was no pro, but I SHOULD have been able to get hard. I tried to relax, but really had trouble. I don't know what to do.

Please, does anyone have any tips, ideas, or anthing? I am desperate.
 

Smallguy44

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May 18, 2004
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464
Its simple. Your gay and you dont realize it yet. Pull down your pants, and bend over.

LOL

But on a more serious note: Your too damn nervous man. Hell I was nervous as hell the first time. Take deep breaths, maybe kiss her, do cunnilingus, or finger her.....the point is to feel comfortable during the act. The more comfortable you get, the less you worry about performing up to expectation. Its also a mindset. If you tell yourself your going to perform, your confident with yourself, then u WILL perform. Don't under estimate the power of the mind. Its all in your head.
 

gorillaunit

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Mar 29, 2004
Messages
232
cornell said:
I am 20 years old and just had my first sexual encounter the other day. Unfortunittly, it was one to forget. Usually, I have no problem getting and maintining an erection, when I Penis Enlargement, watch Porn, or just feel like jerking off, etc.

But yesterday, for the first time ever a woman tried to give me a handjob. However, I just couldn't get hard. Even when I could get an erection, it would be a really crappy one and wouldn't last. It wasn't her fault, I showed her exactly what I wanted, and how to do it, and she was fine. I think I just got a little stage fright. We tried a few hours later in the day... unforunittly, same problem. I am a very shy person by nature, if that matters. I really want this realationship to last, and I can tell sex will be an intricate part of our relationship (I hope?!?!?!)

The second time around, I realized that it was probobly more me than her. She was no pro, but I SHOULD have been able to get hard. I tried to relax, but really had trouble. I don't know what to do.

Please, does anyone have any tips, ideas, or anthing? I am desperate.

yeah, i've had this problem before too. it's definately nerves b/c i'm also a very shy and uptight person. i worry too much and it messes with my head.
 
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Nov 18, 2003
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i was 15 when i had my first sexual experience..it took me a few hours to get right..because of the high level of anticipation..you are too anxious...smallguy is right you have to be relax....if you are a virgin you probably have all type of expectations about what is suppose to happen...you are thinking way too much...and probably scare to death of what it might be like (am i going to do it right) believe me the more practice the better you should get....hell i am 27....and am still learning different techniques and such....if this girl is just as inexperience as you....you don't have anything to live up to..but your perceptions of how it is suppose to be or feel...just relax....you got a hard on thousands of times...now you are just not alone when you get one....just relax...and let shorty play with your peter LMAO...
 

cornell

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Jan 14, 2004
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21
Do you think Cialis would do the trick... at least to get me started? I mean, just as a confidince booster?
 

meshuggah

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Messages
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In my opinion, stay away from the "pussy eating." Dear God, I know people that have had sex for years that wouldn't go near that, especially if you're unfamiliar to the scent of a pussy, you may get turned off. I am going threw the same thing you are, only it happened to me a year ago and I haven't had the urge to try sex again. I guess just remember you're only 20 and will improve if you don't think about being the best, and just focus on the feeling.
 

jGman

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Jun 3, 2003
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223
meshuggah said:
In my opinion, stay away from the "pussy eating." Dear God, I know people that have had sex for years that wouldn't go near that, especially if you're unfamiliar to the scent of a pussy, you may get turned off.
First off, ignore that statement.

Meshuggah, you already stated in another thread: "Not to mention pussy isn't all that desirable if you ask me." You obviously don't like pussy. Don't be giving bad advice to people.

Cornell, your reaction is perfectly normal. You just need to relax. smallguy and twins pretty much summed it up. That's some good advice from them.
 
S

stillwantmore

Guest
It's mostly in your head and not your penis. Totally a common thing youre going through too. I dont know how to give you advise on how to get over it, other than to say that it WILL get better with some more time as you get more relaxed/comfortable around this woman. Try just hanging out together nude, watching some T.V., talking frankly about social issues, or life, give each other body massages, touch, hug, etc, etc...all nude. Sounds sili, but it will more than likely get you a lot more comfortable with the whole sexual thing while not even being sexual.

Most people, men and women have some sort of performance issues, even non sexual ones. They can execute a task like they've been doing it all their life when there's no pressure to perform (whether real pressure or not), but as soon as there's a little pressure to perform, they have problems. They might get nervous, or just totally shut down.

I had a problem getting/staying erect my first time at 19 years old. However, once I felt comfortable around the woman while nude, it was like a cake walk, and I surprised both of use by lasting over an hour before I ejaculated. I have heard of guys having issues like this EVERY time they are with a new woman, but after that first time for me, I never had the problem again. Pants come off, it's time for action!

By the way, it's spelled: unfortunately ;)
 
Last edited:

xtremegamer

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Jun 15, 2003
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Nerves, don't worry, same happened to me when I got my first BJ.
 

cornell

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Jan 14, 2004
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Thanks all for the help, I really appreciate it. I think I am going to try some Cialis just in case. I know that it is just a psychological block, and WILL get better in due time. I know that it is my mind, not my penis, but I was thinking Cialis may help just for the first few times at least. Know... where to get some?
 

gorillaunit

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Messages
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cornell said:
Thanks all for the help, I really appreciate it. I think I am going to try some Cialis just in case. I know that it is just a psychological block, and WILL get better in due time. I know that it is my mind, not my penis, but I was thinking Cialis may help just for the first few times at least. Know... where to get some?
i did the same thing you did when this happened to me. i bought some cialis. the problem is that cialis is not very effective when dealing with psychological causes of impotence or performance anxieties. don't get me wrong, it semi-worked once her hand was on my dick, but it wasn't any boner to be proud of.

now for the really bad news. a big future problem can stem from all of this though. a psychological dependence. down the road you may begin to think that you NEED cialis to perform. you'll be so comfortable and used to using it everytime you have sex, that without it, all the anxieties may return. this is definately not something you want to have to overcome down the road (it won't be easy and you'll probably be back at square one).
 

gorillaunit

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btw, my only advice to you is to let her know that you are nervous and talk about it. if she's cool and someone you can trust and feel comfortable around, you'll be suprised how much it may help things. you might even find out that she's nervous too. just know that you aren't alone when it comes to anxieties and stuff like this.
 

Texan

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Nov 3, 2003
Messages
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Man I've been there. My first time took literally about 6 hours. Thankfully the girl was really cool about it. She kept sucking me, giving hand jobs, playing with me, everything. Cialis will not help you're psychological problems in the presence of the female, but as soon as she's gone you'll have a rock hard dick for a while.

I think the only thing to do is get comfortable around this girl. Will she blow you? If so try that. Don't be ashamed of not being able to get it up. As long as she's OK with you, than be OK with yourself. Just laugh it off to nerves. It's either performance anxiety or size anxiety. Either way, Once you get comfortable and realize she digs you it will all fade away and you'll be going like a pro.

This may sound stupid, but it has worked for me in the past-- If you spend the night together and you can't seem to keep an erection the night before, stab her with your morning wood, if she's game. Once you plug her one time you'll be set... it's just getting over that first "hump."

Best of luck to you.
 

stiff4ever4u

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Apr 16, 2004
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meshuggah said:
In my opinion, stay away from the "pussy eating." Dear God, I know people that have had sex for years that wouldn't go near that, especially if you're unfamiliar to the scent of a pussy, you may get turned off. I am going threw the same thing you are, only it happened to me a year ago and I haven't had the urge to try sex again. I guess just remember you're only 20 and will improve if you don't think about being the best, and just focus on the feeling.

Crock of shit advice!

Eat her pussy and she will give you the blow job of your life! You'll be hard then! When you drill her with your hard wood and she is screaming and shit, you'll be hollering "who's your daddy now, bitch?".
 

austin316

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Apr 14, 2004
Messages
121
cornell said:
I am 20 years old and just had my first sexual encounter the other day. Unfortunittly, it was one to forget. Usually, I have no problem getting and maintining an erection, when I Penis Enlargement, watch Porn, or just feel like jerking off, etc.

But yesterday, for the first time ever a woman tried to give me a handjob. However, I just couldn't get hard. Even when I could get an erection, it would be a really crappy one and wouldn't last. It wasn't her fault, I showed her exactly what I wanted, and how to do it, and she was fine. I think I just got a little stage fright. We tried a few hours later in the day... unforunittly, same problem. I am a very shy person by nature, if that matters. I really want this realationship to last, and I can tell sex will be an intricate part of our relationship (I hope?!?!?!)

The second time around, I realized that it was probobly more me than her. She was no pro, but I SHOULD have been able to get hard. I tried to relax, but really had trouble. I don't know what to do.

Please, does anyone have any tips, ideas, or anthing? I am desperate.
it was most probably nerves, and some sub conscious insecurities maybe, i had it when i was going out with my ex-girlfriend, she was my first big relationship and she'd "heard" alot about me in bed (there was a whole big group of girls and boys and i slept with most of the girls except for my ex and two others) and i just couldnt get hard because i was worried that she would be disappointed.

What you've got to do (if it wasnt like this. this helped me) is find somewhere you are absolutely comfortable in being, with no worries of people walking in or anything, make sure you are wearing the clothes that you feel most relaxed in (theres nothing worse when you are nervous than spending 20 minutes getting the damn thing out), if you drink then dont drink too much, but have a little bit and make sure you have a supply near by. And the most important thing for me was just being lazy for a bit before it, dont jump straight into it as soon as you meet up, get some food lounge around and watch a film or something then when you're in a pure state of calm (put some porno on if you really want, some people find it distracting though) start on her, kiss her, feel her tits eventually working your way down to her pussy (my ex loved it being rubbed through her clothes) if shes any kind of woman (i havent encountered any who havent) she will eventually reciprocate.

i know this may not help you, but i did me and i just thought the best thing i could do is tell you what i did.
 

meshuggah

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Originally Posted by meshuggah
In my opinion, stay away from the "pussy eating." Dear God, I know people that have had sex for years that wouldn't go near that, especially if you're unfamiliar to the scent of a pussy, you may get turned off. I am going threw the same thing you are, only it happened to me a year ago and I haven't had the urge to try sex again. I guess just remember you're only 20 and will improve if you don't think about being the best, and just focus on the feeling.




Crock of shit advice!

Eat her pussy and she will give you the blow job of your life! You'll be hard then! When you drill her with your hard wood and she is screaming and shit, you'll be hollering "who's your daddy now, bitch?".


It's the guys first encounter, I personally think that oral sex involves more technique than fucking, and therefore is probably more stressful to do. And I like pussy I just think I had a bad experience that I haven't let go of. I say if you feel like eating her out do it. If you feel like fucking her and no oral, do it. Just remember that everything is difficult before it's easy.
 

gorillaunit

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meshuggah said:
Originally Posted by meshuggah
In my opinion, stay away from the "pussy eating." Dear God, I know people that have had sex for years that wouldn't go near that, especially if you're unfamiliar to the scent of a pussy, you may get turned off. I am going threw the same thing you are, only it happened to me a year ago and I haven't had the urge to try sex again. I guess just remember you're only 20 and will improve if you don't think about being the best, and just focus on the feeling.




Crock of shit advice!

Eat her pussy and she will give you the blow job of your life! You'll be hard then! When you drill her with your hard wood and she is screaming and shit, you'll be hollering "who's your daddy now, bitch?".


It's the guys first encounter, I personally think that oral sex involves more technique than fucking, and therefore is probably more stressful to do. And I like pussy I just think I had a bad experience that I haven't let go of. I say if you feel like eating her out do it. If you feel like fucking her and no oral, do it. Just remember that everything is difficult before it's easy.

what's so difficult about licking a women's pussy? you can think that it's difficult and then it will become difficult. no offense, but i think your words are just going to make him more nervous.
 
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cornell, your first time can be pretty scary. When a person is scared, their capillaries constrict and blood is pulled away from the surface of the skin...and that includes the penis. It is a normal physiological reaction to fear and stress. In fact, the first time me and my wife tried to do it, I couldn't get it up. Even though it wasn't my first time, I was just too nervous with her, because I really, really liked her. The second time we did it, I got it up okay and we fucked for three hours, but I just couldn't cum. Third time was the charm, tho! We fucked for a couple hours and then I pulled out and blew the most massive load all over her pussy! It was awesome, and definitely worth the initial awkwardness and embarassment. You should start out with cuddling, foreplay, maybe some oral, with the understanding between the two of you that you don't have to "do it". That should help take the pressure off and let you relax some. When you are comfortable, and it is the right time to have sex, your cock will know it, and it will be proudly standing at attention. Don't rush things. You have a lifetime of pussy ahead of you.
 

cornell

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Jan 14, 2004
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thanks guys, i dont see the girl again for another week, in the mean time I am experimenting with Cialis. Thanks for everything, I will let you know what happens!
 

hopful

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Aug 12, 2004
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*waaaak* how come nearly all of us had to get through this problem what realy isn't one and you, you take medizin crap?
tzzzzz stand ya man and talk to her and tell her that you're nervous. Belive me, that will do the trick
 
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