Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?

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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#1
I haven't talked to my boyfriend since Txgiving. We talk everday, even if it is to say hi.

The wednesday before I thought that he was upset, but he didn't say anything about it. Everything was fine on Thursday, even though I decided to go out of town at the last minute. I came back on Friday, and I called him at least 4-5 times. He never called me back. I didn't call him again b/c I was pretty much sick and sleeping all weekend.

The last time this happened, I called him and was like, why haven't you called me. He then says well why didn't you call me, I'm like I did you didn't call back blah blah blah. Then he said, well I've been busy. WHAT!

Well, now I don't if I should call him, because I don't want to feel like I'm chasing him. Plus I don't want to hear that I've been busy crap. Also when we first started dating, he mentioned that when he breaks up w/ a girl he stops calling them. We've been togther 3.5years and I thought we were beyond that type of behaviour. We were beyond boyfriend and girlfriend and were talking about marriage.

I had been enjoying my week w/o him around. I usually feel like he and my mother are fighting for my attention, so it feels like I'm being pulled in more than one direction. I think about him all day, but I don't want to call him. I don't know. I can't really explain how I feel. I just miss him.......

I know it isn't that serious, but I just wanted to hear your opinions.
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#2
Ladylove,

Call me! I am a lot more exciting that that old hack boyfriend. I have whips, chains, an old boat, and spend my time sailing around paradise - well you can put them together...

Really though, you already know what is going on and what you should do. You told us already; "Also when we first started dating, he mentioned that when he breaks up w/ a girl he stops calling them."

There are three kinds of relationships love, one where you are pursued, one where you are the pursuer, and the magic one where both pursue each other equally. Since the magic one is usually only found once each lifetime, you are left with the other two (until that magic day when true love, for say an evil pirate perhaps, comes into your life). You start out pursuing, and if you don't get pursued back, well, it's just not that magic one yet. You move on.

I guess what I am saying is what you already know. Don't be pathetic chasing him around. If he really wanted you, he would be chasing you. I know that is harsh, and I am so sorry for having to say it, but there it is. I know you miss him, but I feel sure you will find someone else even more interesting and loving when the time is right (like that helps now). I feel here would be a perfect place for yet another one of my surfing or sailing metaphors, but to be honest I just used a doozie on another board and I am all tapped out of metaphors for today.

I will say that the universe is very careful to give us the things we need (not necessarily the things we want), and to free us up from encumbrances when we are needed elsewhere. If you are careful, and pay attention, you can learn to recognize these things and life gets so much easier. You mentioned your mother wants your time right now. Perhaps, just perhaps, it is important that you give it to her. It does seem that you are being nudged that way. Why not forget boys for a while, and just spend time with someone you know loves you with all her heart?
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#3
Originally posted by PirateSteve
Ladylove,

Call me! I am a lot more exciting that that old hack boyfriend. I have whips, chains, an old boat, and spend my time sailing around paradise - well you can put them together...

UHHHH the whips and chains scare me.... Now the boat:dance: :

At one point I thought we had that magic. Everyone, and I mean everyone said we were meant for each other.



Don't be pathetic chasing him around. If he really wanted you, he would be chasing you.
So what if he is thinking the same thing about me and that is why he is not calling.



I will say that the universe is very careful to give us the things we need (not necessarily the things we want), and to free us up from encumbrances when we are needed elsewhere. If you are careful, and pay attention, you can learn to recognize these things and life gets so much easier. You mentioned your mother wants your time right now. Perhaps, just perhaps, it is important that you give it to her. It does seem that you are being nudged that way. Why not forget boys for a while, and just spend time with someone you know loves you with all her heart?
This is so true... Especially since Thursday my Mom found a lump in her breast..... She thinks it will be okay, and because I don't deal with my emotions very well, I've put it in the back of my mind until now. This is the real reson why I'm so bummed out. I swear I was doing fine with out being with him until Friday morning.
It just clicked this is the reason why I'm depressed, and he would've been there for me this weekend. He was my bestfriend. He was the person that I went to when there was no one else. He was the person I trusted with my heart and who always told me the truth, and was there for me no matter what.

You weren't harsh at all. I was prepared for worse.
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#4
Originally posted by ladylove Thursday my Mom found a lump in her breast......
Love,

There you have it, the universe in action. I have no idea how this will pan out for your mother, but I know she needs you now more than you need your boyfriend. This would be a great time to just let him slip away and just be there for the woman who spent at least 16 years putting you ahead of her own interests (and probably a whole lot more). If the boy calls, he calls. If not, you really have other fish to fry right now.

Besides, you have a forum full of guys to unload on now. It's better than one boyfriend, because you get the attention, compassion and ideas of a whole group. And just so you know, I could give up the B&D - just so long as you tell me you have a strong bisexual streak...
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#5
Originally posted by ladylove
Especially since Thursday my Mom found a lump in her breast.....
Definitely focus on your mom right now. Pirate is right, if he calls he callls. Besides, you said you've already made the attempt at calling him, the ball is now in his court.

3.5 years is a pretty long time to be together, and your relationship should be beyond stupid games. If he is still playing games with you after 3.5 years, you should reconsider your relationship.

I hope everything goes your way, and I really hope everything goes well with your mom.
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#6
Steve, I've fantasized about it.....*shhh*


Thank you very much Lambda.

I feel the same way about the games. I'm like we are beyond just boyfriend and girlfriend, I deserve to be told the truth and not given the run around.

I do keep thinking that maybe he didn't get my messages, and he is sitting thinking the same thing I'm thinking. What a huge miscommunication.

I do need to just forget about him. I spent 20minutes in the shower balling my eyes,(no not about him b/c pirate helped to see hat this could be God closing one door and opening up another) but because I'm worried about her and so stressed about other things right now. I'm telling you, if one more thing happens, I'm going to break.

The only thing though, I need to go buy his house and pick up some things. What do I do?
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#7
Originally posted by ladylove
I need to go buy his house and pick up some things. What do I do?
Love,
Take a friend with you for moral support. Or, evaluate how much you need those things. Or, don't be in such a hurry to close the door completely - give it some time. This is one of the things that drives me crazy about land lubbers - you are all in such a hurry. Zoom, zoom, zoom. Running around like chickens with their heads cut off. Love, try being a bit more Zen - just let the situation play itself out. Don't rush it or push it. Surprises might still exist, or another lesson may come of it. If it is a game, just don't play. A game is always more enjoyable for an observer than for a game piece.

I do keep thinking that maybe he didn't get my messages, and he is sitting thinking the same thing I'm thinking.
Love, men don't ever think the same thing as women. Read some of the posts on this board. We are as different as if we were a complete other species. Even if he did not get your messages, he is not thinking what you are thinking. Most guys, in his situation, would be thinking of other things - completely detached from your situation. I suspect he has another girl, but I have no proof to offer. But assume I am totally wrong, then my above advice about chilling out a bit and waiting will sort it out without your taking precipitous action. If his intention is to end your relationship, I have to say he is not much of a man to let it go like this.

I spent 20minutes in the shower balling my eyes,(no not about him b/c pirate helped to see hat this could be God closing one door and opening up another) but because I'm worried about her and so stressed about other things right now. I'm telling you, if one more thing happens, I'm going to break.
Remember what I said about slowing down? Goes for mom too. You have no idea where this will go yet. Try worrying less about the unknown. If you could develop a way of just waiting for the things that will happen to happen - instead of trying to hurry them up - you would find you had a great deal less stress. Crying is a good way to cleanse your stress (would that we men had a similar device). Another way is prayer or meditation.

You won't break Love. Humans have an incredible reserve of power most are completely unaware of. You feel you are at the limit, but if pushed you will find more strength magically appears. The universe never throws more than you can really handle at you, but it can surely run you up to your limit to make a point. Another tip I have found is that when I am in harmony with the ways the universe directs me, stress and difficulties disappear. When I show a little resistance, she shows some back. When I resist a lot, she slaps me down like the bitch I am. So the lesson I have learned is, when the going gets tough - stop. Look around and see the alternative paths, meditate a bit on them and see if there is not one being emphasized in my life and being ignored. Then I head that way, and every time life gets magically easier.

And Love, I am so glad to hear there is some hope for us after all! It was a cruel blow to be sure, when you rejected my piratical ways. But leaving the door open for my lecherous ways, well, hope does indeed spring eternal...
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#8
Crying is a good way to cleanse your stress (would that we men had a similar device). Another way is prayer or meditation.
Oh I wasn't crying just b/c of her, I've had a lot of stress the past 2 months,well year, I had a bullshit job, 2 sick relatives, someone died, lost my bullshit job and etc.... So it was very cleansing.

You are right though. I need to slow down.


Thanks again, you have great insight.
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#9
Love, not insight as much as brutal experience. More sage advice would be to steel yourself as much as you can right now, because it always seems to get worse before it gets better (unless of course you are already through the worst). Use your friends shamelessly, that's why you have them. Hang in there kiddo, I'm rooting for you...
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#10
Just a slight divergence of opinion on not chasing someone.

Actually, if two people have the same idea (that they shouldn't be the chaser, just the chasee) the relationship is doomed.

It's okay to chase a little.
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#11
I totally understand what you are saying Bob. I just feel taht everytime something goes wrong, I'm the one running around trying to fix it and mend feelings, or chasing him down.
 
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"Alright guys, should I call my boyfriend?"
#12
I wanted to pass along a AWESOME stress reliever its all natural flower oils and its a spray. Called Rescue Remedy Spray by Bach I got it local and from a friend. Its great! Check it out it helps believe me!!!!
 

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